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By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 148

You deserved it 1 882

By the-yao - 24/01/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 922

You deserved it 3 818

Risky business

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 02:02

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 151

No kink shaming

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 17:01 - United States - Mountain View

Spicy

Today, I found out the real reason for my parents' divorce. Not because they had grown apart as they claimed, but because my dad was sleeping with hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 93

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 2 138

By EpicFailTime - 22/02/2011 02:21

Today, a neighbor called the cops on me and my friends because we were "starting a fire" in the backyard. We were using a barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 587

You deserved it 2 880

Healthy parenting skills

By Ghost1986 - 10/12/2022 12:00 - Australia - Moonah

Today, my ex-wife tried to hit me up for money for a skip bin, because the kids' room was too messy. She then sent me a picture of the mess after I said no, then I retaliated by submitting a report to child services against her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 590

By kennarama - 16/02/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 625

You deserved it 2 549

Classic

By Electronotfriend - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Poland

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, and I grabbed onto a fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 117

You deserved it 4 804

By Noname - 22/01/2009 21:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a mailer from Adam and Eve with a bunch of hardcore porn ads inside. I have been getting these since I ordered a Pirate porn video a few months ago. I was gone for a few weeks overseas. My mother-in-law was getting the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 313

You deserved it 28 174

Strange behavior

By deadbunnies - 31/07/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 053

You deserved it 9 197

By Wraith - 06/11/2013 17:27 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 725

You deserved it 4 810

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 12 998

Tight ass

By Paf - 22/09/2021 04:59 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, after I've been cleaning a hostel 7/7 for free accommodation for a few weeks, and the owner telling me 3 times to take a day off while he was able to do the job, I'm finally leaving. He's now (and only now) asking me to pay for the 3 nights I "didn't work for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 109

Attention to detail

By MelodyPW - 19/12/2022 03:00 - Algeria

Today, I wrote an email for a job offer. I checked it, double-checked it, triple-checked it, and then sent it. It's only THEN that I realised my CV wasn't attached. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 407

By Gtca - 01/11/2013 08:56 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I took my two and a half year-old son Trick or Treating for the first time in our new neighborhood. At the very first house, a girl told us we were too early and slammed the door in our face. My son cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 270

You deserved it 4 466

Gtca tells us more.

Gtca 15

Friday 1 November 2013 22:41

OP here! A lot of these comments are hilarious! Thanks for that and for those that showed us some support and sympathy. We started trick or treating at 5:15. Apparently trick or treating kicks up in our neighborhood around 6/6:30. Now I know. When I went trick or treating when I was younger, everyone started around 4 and people were prepared. Besides, how hard is it put some candy in a bowl? Also, some people commented about why a 2.5 year old needs candy, he doesn't, but we went for the experience. Luckily, we rebounded and had a fun Halloween after that incident.

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 777

You deserved it 3 473

By mike4444 - 12/02/2010 18:11 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 660

You deserved it 30 496

By Nathan - 17/01/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 705

You deserved it 18 647

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out that I'm highly-placed in my wrestling competition this year. I also found out that I have mono and won't be able to take part for at least the first half of the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 483

You deserved it 3 965

By HellaBomber91 - 11/02/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 684

You deserved it 8 917

Beam me up!

By saynotochrispine - 28/07/2009 04:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that we could try living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 350

You deserved it 7 973

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 677

You deserved it 6 687

Work > Love

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 20:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, four months after my crush told me he liked me, a day ago he told me he’d lose his job if he dates me, so he's now blocked me and avoids me when we work together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 01:52 - Canada

Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 947

You deserved it 7 058

By brit - 11/02/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 853

You deserved it 5 634

By DAMMit - 27/07/2009 08:12 - Australia

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 626

You deserved it 8 505

Jelly?

By kallens - 15/01/2009 23:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for K-Y Jelly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 924

You deserved it 2 837

Grief is weird

By Denni - 03/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister called me a selfish cow, all because I wouldn’t let her have a portion of my daughter’s life insurance check so she can go on a shopping spree. She’s more upset about that than her niece passing way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 85

Very risky move

By Meh meh - 10/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, as I was trying to impress my girlfriend of three months, I showed her the real diamond ring I'd got for my ex. She got an attitude for our whole three-hour car ride home because I'd brought up my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 1 552

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Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 543

You deserved it 763

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 333

You deserved it 5 146

Today, my wife got so upset I didn't hold her while Snooki from Jersey Shore was crying, that after the episode was done she locked herself in our room crying. Now I have to sleep on the floor of my living room. Thanks Snooki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 772

You deserved it 8 420

Today, I went to meet a potential client at Starbucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 214

You deserved it 6 494

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 96

Today, my mother-in-law showed my five year-old a video of a dog biting a baby, complete with blood all over the baby’s face. We have a dog and a baby. I had to explain that we are careful and that she was a baby with the same sort of dog and is fine. I don’t think she believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 180