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By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 738

You deserved it 3 663

The Marlboro Man

By Victoria - 19/10/2022 18:00

Today, I'm trying to quit smoking because I'm actually running low on money. I just realized that I'm actually spending a lot more money and gaining more weight by eating junk food to relieve my anxiety than what I used to spend buying packs of cigarettes. I can't afford a psychologist, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 260

By anonymous001 - 08/01/2013 19:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 936

You deserved it 68 941

By terrible person - 04/04/2011 09:29

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 168

You deserved it 6 005

Chick magnet

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 499

On the leash

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 01:59

Today, it hit me hard that the girl I love is not still not interested after a year. She's now ghosting me, and she hangs out with my friends daily. She constantly talks about dating in front of me and only text/calls me when I post shorts/stories hanging out with other girls, just to pull me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 823

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - 05/01/2013 00:33 - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 826

You deserved it 2 760

AAA, hello?

By JFC! - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 114

You deserved it 3 160

Run away time!

By CreepedOut - 09/03/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for a sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 2 824

A blessing and a curse

By yarenis - 24/12/2013 10:45 - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees". For some reason, everybody pronounces it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 211

You deserved it 5 893

By what434 - 08/03/2010 13:19 - United States

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 295

You deserved it 44 579

By rainyday - 12/02/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I said that at least I was always there for him when he needed me. He said "When did I need you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 6 334

Boxed in

By cuz803 - 06/08/2021 09:48

Today, I've recently been able to enjoy my life after a long depressing quarantine. I've been able to go to the gym and train in my favorite activity, boxing. Now I can't train for 2 weeks after having surgery on both my Achilles heel and PRP therapy. Hello again, misery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 220

cuz803 tells us more.

cuz803 44

Thursday 5 August 2021 20:07

OP here. Most of y'all know me. This is my 3rd FML posted this year so I got a little streak going. Update: the doctor who performed surgery on me has been hospitalized. I'm not sure why yet. I need a follow-up appointment to get my stitches removed. That being said, my delay may be longer than expected before I can lace the gloves again.

By Anonymous - 27/03/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 774

You deserved it 56 423

By 16isntsweet - 20/08/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 990

You deserved it 6 074

Freaky situation

By Cody - 09/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend left our bed at 6 a.m. to go upstairs and go back to bed with his son and soon to be ex-wife. I then had to ride in the backseat of a car for 6 hours while they talked and laughed. Not once has he asked if I'm okay or what's wrong. I've barely spoke all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 1 836

It is the way

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 18:00

Today, after I broke up yet another fight between my sons, I demanded to know why they hate each other and fight all the time. After some blank looks they said, almost in unison, “It is the way” and wouldn’t explain what they meant. Even the internet isn’t being helpful here. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 206

By Sue - 26/03/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 128

You deserved it 3 538

By maxthndr - 10/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 39

Life's good

By Petergibbons - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines, and inadvertently eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 341

You deserved it 2 935

Goldfinger

By itzcorinnelove - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking my aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out, the bag had a small unnoticeable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didn't realize it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 502

You deserved it 12 830

Morning surprise

By JayBausch - 17/08/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 784

You deserved it 7 073

By KaLa - 08/02/2009 16:30 - Canada

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 521

You deserved it 4 236

Growing old sucks

By Jaymail - 30/10/2022 06:00

Today, I went to have my ears cleaned out because I’ve been experiencing signs of deafness. Guess what? My ears were already clear. I need hearing aids. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost my hair, some of my sight, and some teeth, so yeah, why not my hearing at this point… FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 20:59 - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone while I was crossing the road. Luckily, it survived the fall. Not so luckily, an oncoming bus steamrolled it into oblivion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 262

You deserved it 3 877

Good intentions

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 14:01 - Indonesia - Bekasi

Today, I asked someone to work with me because I felt sorry for her. Turns out, she isn't at all helpful and refuses to work after school, just because she would miss her "beauty nap". She also made up dumb excuses for why she couldn't help me or the others. I wonder why no one wanted to be in a group with her… FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 21:53 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 445

You deserved it 3 514

By CBM2012 - 07/02/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, my roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 554

You deserved it 3 641

By Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 003

You deserved it 8 991

By bad luck? - 19/01/2012 05:44 - Australia

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 152

You deserved it 2 691

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Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 770

You deserved it 4 278

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 742

You deserved it 3 593

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 2 315

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 360

Today, my wife confessed that she'd always assumed our kids would have her good looks and my talents. Unfortunately, according to her, our daughters take after my mum and are, "let's face it", in no way gifted. Poor kids and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 154

Today, after being horribly treated and dumped by five men over a span of six years, I have finally come to the conclusion that I must be the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 237