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Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 193

You deserved it 818

By ForeverAGirlfriend - 13/06/2016 04:40 - United States - Aliquippa

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 064

You deserved it 3 236

By Wanaaa - 25/11/2016 07:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 720

You deserved it 1 286

Being nice is so 1968

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 01:00 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I decided to do something nice and compliment a stranger. I told a girl that I liked her skirt and that it looked good on her. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 342

You deserved it 553

By footballist - 08/09/2017 23:15 - Poland - Polska

Today, I realized that all my teammates have bigger tits than I do. I'm the only girl on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 591

You deserved it 326

By hmacy - 01/10/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 641

You deserved it 548

And you did it at my birthday dinner

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 15:00

Spicy

Today, after eleven years together, including eight years of engagement and three and a half months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her, because she's his "soul mate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 590

You deserved it 468

By Anon - 23/05/2016 10:49 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 241

You deserved it 1 262

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 2 980

Nice try

By Local Welsh - 16/08/2018 18:30

Spicy

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 845

You deserved it 281

Shit song

By Lord_Nick - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Québec

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 1 800

Nervous laughter

By Anonymous - 12/03/2017 04:00

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 326

You deserved it 7 462

By Neuronerd - 19/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 333

You deserved it 385

By SoMuchForThatIdea - 12/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 926

Toxic wasteland

By Cinderella - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 164

You deserved it 2 615

Who?

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258 090

You deserved it 17 761

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 061

You deserved it 1 006

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 558

You deserved it 609

By Anonymous - 18/04/2018 15:00

Today, after spending 12 hours desperately searching everywhere I could think of, I'm forced to admit I left my wedding ring in the bathroom of the hotel suite we just spent our honeymoon in, on the literal other side of the planet. I am a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 281

You deserved it 1 402

Oops.

By Anonymous - 19/06/2018 23:00 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I came back from my prom and no one was home. I took off my dress, panties, and bra, grabbed the cake I'm not supposed to eat, and went to watch Walking Dead in the living room. My family was there already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 5 208

Time to move out!

By tsunami - 10/09/2018 03:30

Today, my mother took my brand new PS4, which I haven't even played yet, and threw it out the window while I was at work. When I asked her why, she said she was mad that we didn't have any paper towels left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 847

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 16/09/2018 13:00

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 796

You deserved it 286

By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - 14/10/2015 16:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 193

You deserved it 2 314

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Spicy

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 390

You deserved it 1 538

Hungry

By The gay child - 09/05/2018 19:00

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 974

You deserved it 455

Y'all need fiber.

By blondie875 - 26/05/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 1 395

By captainuniverse - 14/05/2016 05:53 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 131

You deserved it 1 294

Stay safe

By notaslut - 08/01/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Spicy

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 776

You deserved it 644

By itsbeenalongday - 27/09/2015 16:05 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 061

You deserved it 3 082

By Afroman720 - 26/08/2015 16:14 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 548

You deserved it 3 966

Afroman720 tells us more.

Afroman720 18

Thursday 27 August 2015 14:20

So I asked her if I could have a redo because I was wayyyyyyyyy too nervous, and so I was able to tell her I like her without the running away and such this time! No update on how she feels about me though...I didn't wait for a response cause I had to leave work in a hurry to make it to school on time haha. One step at a time right?

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 194

Today, I had to write an essay for school explaining what motivates me to study. The more I tried to write it, the more I realized I've been wasting my time going back to school, and I never really wanted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 191

Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 209

You deserved it 52 083

Today, after applying sunscreen to myself every two hours, I still got sunburned. Through my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 347

You deserved it 4 672

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 657

You deserved it 6 577

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 896

You deserved it 19 819