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It's too cold for this shit

By Anonymous - 09/01/2026 09:00

Today, some absolute scumbucket cut the straps of the cover I put over my windscreen, so this morning it was completely iced over. It only delayed me by about 10 minutes but still… what a shitty thing to do to someone first thing in the snowy morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 54

Let's not keep in touch

By Welp - 16/01/2026 12:00

Today, I tried to reach out to an old friend. He answered the phone sounding half-asleep, then suddenly switched to an outrageously fake and racist Indian accent, and started yelling nonsense down the phone once I said my name. Guess that bridge is burned, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 108

Nice guy

By HateCelebz - 27/01/2026 00:00

Today, I got written up by my line manager for being too friendly to customers. I work in retail, my job is to be friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 53

Empty seat

By Anonymous - 28/01/2026 20:00

Today, I booked a flight to see my girlfriend. At least I thought she was coming, the flight isn't cancellable because I was broke and could only afford the minimum ticket. I just wanted to make her happy. Well, it's now four days before the flight and I haven't heard from her for a week. I've been left on 'delivered', thinking at 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 110

Risky drink

By TJ - 08/02/2026 12:00

Today. I was sitting up having coffee early in the morning, still half-asleep. My dad walked in, getting ready for work. He asked if that was my water sitting there. He thought it must've be his, so he took a big gulp. OMG, I'd forgotten I'd poured a glass of pure white vinegar last night. His face was absolutely hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 340

A lot going on

By Anonymous - 12/02/2026 00:00

Today, it was the seventh anniversary of my grandfather's passing. It was also my cousin's funeral (suicide). Brad Arnold's death was also announced. At the end of an exhausting day, I got dumped. Fuck February 8th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 67

It's true! It happened!

By Next show, please! - 15/02/2026 15:00

Today, after over a year of waiting, the horror podcast I listen to and have been a fan of since pandemic times, who invites listeners to send in their true stories, finally responded to the story submission I sent, which was about a real life experience of mine. Their response was, "Yeah, cool story bro!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 135

Touch crowd

By Ouch - 17/02/2026 09:00

Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 184

Strongjaw wobbled

By Anonymous - 19/02/2026 03:00

Today, my brother woke up from a 14 month coma and apparently the first thing he said was, “Where'd my muscles go?” Now, while I get the situation was serious, I couldn’t help but picture Grog from Vox Machina saying almost exactly the same thing, and I laughed. Mom slapped the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 160

Slow down

By any future girls must take an IQ test - 22/02/2026 20:00

Today, my brain-dead now-ex-fiancee "read on the internet" that cops can't give you a ticket at home, so when a cop tried to pull her for speeding on the way home from work, she sped up and rushed home. What would have been a $200 fine is now serious charges and jail time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 76

Three days?

By Anonymous - 24/02/2026 15:00

Today, my girlfriend of three entire days broke up with me. She said it was because she needed to recover from her breakup, but that was nine months ago, and I haven't done a single thing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 109

The accidental voyeur

By Anonymous - 01/03/2026 22:00

Today, I stayed late at work. While I was getting coffee from the pantry, one of the cleaners came into the break room with her boyfriend, who then proposed marriage. I was reluctant to interfere so I kept quiet, until I clearly heard them start having sex, all while I was trapped clutching my coffee jar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 79

Heartless

By Out of Pocket to all! - 12/03/2026 15:00

Today, I was reminded of my ex who works and now lives in Manama, Bahrain. How? My sister and her in-laws called me a heartless dick for not being worried about her. We broke up 15 years ago, she's a pediatrician and an OB-GYN, and the ONLY reason why they care is because they used to get free services and meds from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 90

You've been Boeberted

By Anonymous - 17/03/2026 22:00

Today, I had to retrieve my son from the police station because him and his girlfriend decided a blowjob in the back row of the cinema was a good idea when they have night vision cameras in there and security guards and a very high definition picture printer for evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 104

Leave me alone!

By Anonymous - 21/03/2026 12:00

Today, despite my insistence that I didn't need her, my mom showed up at my door to move in to "help out" after my wife's death. I refused to let her in, so now she's staying at a hotel, and the whole family is angry at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 94

Worst hangover ever

By Anonymous - 03/05/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while I was drunk, my brother decided to use pliers to pull out my bad tooth. He grabbed the wrong tooth, and when it didn’t pop out cleanly he decided he just needed to squeeze harder, and crushed the healthy tooth into splinters. I can feel the nerve with my tongue, it’s agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 462

Cut off

By Anonymous - 19/05/2026 12:00 - United States - Irving

Today, my former sister-in-law, who I was once so close to, said that we can't be friends or anything like that anymore because now that she's divorced from my cheating asshole brother, it's too painful for her to be around our family, even for the sake of my kids. I hate him so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 58

You don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 23/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, me and my dad were talking about my gambling habits and I was saying how proud I was that I follow my set limits (I only gamble once a month and online, and set a strict deposit limit on myself). Unfortunately, he began asking questions about my online gambling sites, etc. I'm worried I might get him addicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 256

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I walked to the grocery store despite being out of shape since it was typically only a 30 minute walk and gas prices are bad. The hourly temperature on my weather app was wrong as usual so by the time I got to the store, I was sweating buckets. By the time I got back home, I was so overheated I nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 146

Extreme disorderly conduct

By Anonymous - 13/06/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 570

Assumptions

By Ugh - 20/06/2026 12:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I was teaching when I saw a student leave her chair and brazenly head for the door. I clapped her on the shoulder and said, "Going somewhere, miss?" She vomited all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 787

Thanks Gemini

By Anonymous - 08/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I took my nephew to the zoo and spent the day telling him fun animal facts. At the giraffe enclosure, I explained that giraffes can't make sounds. Right on cue, one let out the loudest snorting noise I've ever heard. My six year-old nephew looked at me and said, "Maybe Google isn't always right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 463

Master the blade

By Douglas - 18/07/2026 20:00 - Australia - Melboune

Today, I tried to be helpful at a family dinner and offered to carve the roast. The knife slipped, the serving tray tipped. My uncle caught it with his bare hand like a movie hero. Everyone praised him for dinner-saving reflexes while I quietly sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 310

Slightly angry

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, if you have fibromyalgia and back spasms, DON'T go to hospital, they don’t do shit for people anymore. They only give you a shot that barely works and send you home. YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING BLEEDING OR DYING TO GET THEIR FUCKING ATTENTION! FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 312

Caught in the act

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that when your flatmate admits she’s an exhibitionist and you say you’re OK with it, it doesn’t means she going to walk around naked like you hoped, it means she’s going to bring guys home and do them at times I’m guaranteed to “accidentally catch them.” Why couldn’t she do me instead? FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 299

OK, that's that cleared up

By Zacharian - 02/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I found out my hot Mormon neighbors can be gay, but they can’t act on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 271

XXX rated

By Anonymous - 03/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Winchester

Today, I finally acted on a fantasy and did a bondage shoot video. The first comment on the clip was, "Hard watch. Fat as hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 144

Paper thin

By Anonymous - 10/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 97

Airbnb blues

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, to make money, I’ve had to Airbnb my house while I sleep at my sister's. The very first guest I had caused fire damage to the kitchen and a huge skid mark on the mattress. Not on the sheets, on the actual mattress. No idea where the sheets are, I think they stole them, and the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 132

Side hustle

By Anonymous - 26/08/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I came home to an orgy in my room. It appears that my parents have been renting our house out to porn studios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 110

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The Top

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 405

You deserved it 10 694

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 725

You deserved it 15 600

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 699

You deserved it 24 960

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 856

You deserved it 13 538

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 869

You deserved it 375

Today, my mom is obsessed with my academic success, as she was a highschool dropout, and actually gives me more homework than my school does, all so I’ll be more advanced than my peers. I barely know what a television is anymore, since it’s been so long I’ve had enough free time to watch one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 177