The Top

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Running

By fmrunning - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I completed my 6-month training program for a track competition this weekend. I went to the park to run anyways because I needed some air after my boyfriend broke up with me. After one lap, my neighbor's 130 lb dog ran across the soccer field and jumped on me to say hi. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 118

You deserved it 4 617

Party!

By kady - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 270

You deserved it 6 737

What are the odds?

By z…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 865

You deserved it 5 565

Moron

By hendrixisgod86 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Crestview

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were, "I hope you have insurance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 552

You deserved it 2 186

Tonight, on First Dates…

By John_Elvis - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 742

You deserved it 3 629

Mystery solved

By thatstinks - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 775

You deserved it 3 012

Dazed and confused

By AnastasiyaNicholas - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 129

You deserved it 2 094

Denial

By blah - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom took me to an AA meeting because she said I needed help. I have never tried alcohol in my life, and told them this. I was then harangued by the "instructor" because apparently one of the signs of alcoholism is denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 078

You deserved it 3 118

Creepy

By scared-straight - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 088

You deserved it 4 462

Night killer

By Tom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 830

You deserved it 3 679

Sob story

By marisacb - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 622

You deserved it 7 841

Wishful thinking

By hoolagirl4422 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 198

You deserved it 9 567

Brief encounter

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year-old dog that had been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 269

You deserved it 4 067

Love is…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for three years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 356

You deserved it 9 760

Beach body

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 846

You deserved it 8 056

Nice, thanks

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, never mind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 082

You deserved it 13 500

Cheers!

By imamonster1992 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 5 079

Indoctrinated

By workfordayzz - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 619

You deserved it 9 112

E.R.

By alephnull - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 3 193

Where'd you go?

By omgjessp - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 963

You deserved it 4 063

So touching…

By weddinggirl - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally asked me to marry him. He said, "We could save on taxes if we got married… What do you think?" That was the most romantic thing he's said to me in the last two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 740

You deserved it 10 199

Happy memories

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 574

You deserved it 2 272

Both of you are bad

By driver26 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was arguing in the car with my boyfriend about who was the better driver. Being so incensed by the fact that he thought he was better made me completely zone out, and run a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 407

You deserved it 41 763

Sign this!

By Stairs? Noooooo - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Leandro

Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 606

You deserved it 1 595

Surprise!

By WitchQueenLiz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 231

You deserved it 3 240

By the book

By boohoo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Ireland

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 171

You deserved it 6 205

Red flag

By me. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So, are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 774

You deserved it 7 473

Late night shopping spree

By DrunkenShopper - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 182

You deserved it 37 089

Guinea pig

By Troy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I filled out a political survey for a psychology experiment. A really cute girl was doing it, too. We hit it off and flirted through the surveys, and I asked her out when it was done. Then I found out it was really an attraction experiment and she was in on it. She was acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 350

You deserved it 7 941

Little shit

By moneyman22 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 849

You deserved it 4 022

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The Top

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 679

You deserved it 1 056

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 441

You deserved it 4 052

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 253

You deserved it 5 419

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 4 418

Today, I booked a long distance flight across two continents, costing me over 600 bucks. I then got a confirmation email. For a different flight. I wrote to their customer service address, saying there has been an error, and to please either change or cancel the booking. I never got any reply. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 198

Today, I ruined a 4-year long friendship over something stupid, and I'm now being ghosted. I tried to fix it several times, but she doesn't care anymore I don't think. Imagine being the antagonist in your own story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 025