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By romedizzle - 24/11/2010 09:52 - Canada

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 499

You deserved it 8 298

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 071

You deserved it 5 280

By gameguy3424 - 18/05/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is two miles away from the park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 644

You deserved it 3 216

By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 10:13 - United States

Today, I found out that some men think it's OK to clip their fingernails at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 866

You deserved it 3 002

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 05:13 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 193

You deserved it 7 299

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 919

You deserved it 3 577

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 637

You deserved it 2 929

By kahemae44 - 27/10/2009 10:20 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 456

You deserved it 5 575

By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 428

You deserved it 35 924

By AlwaysTired - 14/09/2016 14:57 - United States

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 181

You deserved it 1 542

By Anonymous - 11/07/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 758

You deserved it 5 475

Golden

By Ackbar - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 150

You deserved it 15 824

By Anonymous - 24/01/2013 17:52 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband yelled at me for not doing any household chores. I can barely move my hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease my arthritis, and my other hand is as bad as ever. I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes and iron clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 230

You deserved it 6 370

Splashed out

By El Boz - 22/02/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 133

You deserved it 61 930

By can't wait to go home - 10/06/2016 19:18 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 309

You deserved it 1 994

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 318

You deserved it 3 926

By shirley - 28/02/2011 02:20 - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 34 833

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 01:15 - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 757

You deserved it 6 357

Taking a stand

By vampyrate3562 - 29/01/2015 12:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 944

You deserved it 4 064

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 782

You deserved it 3 985

ICYMI

By senelbeat - 03/07/2009 15:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 396

You deserved it 8 626

By cassieleigh1 - 05/11/2015 05:05 - United States - Davenport

Today, my father, who is not familiar with keyboards, had me register his new email account for him at the public library. His username choice? "Wang dang sweet poon tang". People heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 202

You deserved it 1 968

cassieleigh1 tells us more.

cassieleigh1 8

Friday 6 November 2015 16:20

I'm laughing really hard at the comments! Yeah, my dads pretty awesome. He understands keyboards and computer basics but he seriously types with just his index finger, using both hands, just pick-poking around while squinting back and forth from screen to keyboard to see. Lol He's not a weird-pervert, but a 50 year old punk who wishes he were my age (18), and living in the 70s again. He actually snuck into the Mississippi Valley Fair in Iowa this recent year and didn't get caught hahaha. When I was a kid he used to "copy" entry stamps with pen to get us in free. 9th birthday he took me to a local heavy metal concert, not sure why they allowed 9 year olds in a mosh pit... Also saw Rush for my 11th or something.

By areyoukiddingme - 02/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 087

You deserved it 2 191

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 422

You deserved it 3 632

By GirlFromAus - 25/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mum and grandma planning a funeral for my grandpa. Who isn't dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 482

You deserved it 2 708

GirlFromAus tells us more.

GirlFromAus 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 11:28

guys, I am the OP, so listen up... my grandpa wasnt actually aware it was happening he had no say whatsoever he wasnt planning his own, they planned it FOR him, while he wasnt there

By Staying Home Today - 04/03/2014 12:25 - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 965

You deserved it 3 795

Road rage

By howannoying - 16/02/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage." When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 333

You deserved it 3 911

By asdfghjkl_12 - 25/02/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 821

You deserved it 6 755

Some friend

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 20:07 - France - Sardieu

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 136

You deserved it 3 396

By dino317 - 27/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 167

You deserved it 5 537

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 553

You deserved it 2 583

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 262

You deserved it 4 028

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 370

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 178

Today, my soon-to-be step-daughter had as absolute meltdown at our rehearsal dinner, screaming that I ruined her family. Her parents were divorced 10 years before I even met him. Her mother was there because we’re friends. She’s 23 years-old. I honestly don’t know which one of us was more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 98

Today, I was working from home when I mistakenly turned on my video camera during a conference call. I was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt with a "Cannibal Corpse" album cover on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 766