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By nononame - 10/03/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 208

You deserved it 4 193

By ihatelife - 14/05/2011 23:17 - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 286

You deserved it 28 489

Lookalike

By titmeister - 28/06/2016 16:30 - United States - Bayonne

Spicy

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite Hentai character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 717

You deserved it 1 589

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 222

You deserved it 4 214

By lil_munchkinjen - 09/02/2009 00:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 510

You deserved it 5 939

Fart are funny, period

By amg85904 - 30/01/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 6 608

By cyprianista - 13/02/2015 16:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 223

You deserved it 4 439

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 15:29 - United States - Denver

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 552

You deserved it 3 462

Easy

By FootinMouth - 18/07/2013 21:48 - United States - Louisville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 502

You deserved it 54 729

By B-Man - 11/12/2009 21:55 - Canada

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 708

You deserved it 10 050

By hopeless - 03/10/2014 21:13 - Canada

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 904

You deserved it 2 962

By HT BaaFly - 07/09/2011 15:08 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 253

You deserved it 5 420

By Anonymous - 20/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 821

You deserved it 3 478

By mathesonn - 29/05/2014 23:32 - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 598

You deserved it 7 296

Thanks, that's great

By Greattitan2 - 29/06/2015 20:34 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 635

You deserved it 1 918

Lonesome

By AwesomePGnarles - 13/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 713

You deserved it 44 515

Make believe

By somebodyelse - 17/08/2009 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, then he said, "Let's pretend you're someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 927

You deserved it 5 519

By Anonymous - 11/02/2015 21:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 074

You deserved it 9 900

Romantic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 938

You deserved it 6 879

By insomniacap - 30/12/2014 23:47 - United States - Stratford

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 626

You deserved it 4 990

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Spicy

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 982

You deserved it 20 281

By Anonomous - 08/12/2014 17:58 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 938

You deserved it 3 903

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:46 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 381

You deserved it 5 251

Seize the day

By Nick - 06/08/2013 14:44 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 225

You deserved it 3 591

By Isa_Marie0113 - 03/11/2014 23:32 - United States - Groton

Today, I slept over at my new boyfriend's house for the first time. When I woke up in the morning, he told me all about how much gas I'd had through the night. He said he thought he had a grown man in his bed instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 388

You deserved it 4 986

Isa_Marie0113 tells us more.

Isa_Marie0113 17

Sunday 30 November 2014 3:00

Hey guys! I wrote that FML. Yep, wasn't one of my best moments, but it's something we can laugh at now especially since he's usually the one that's gassy! Thanks for reading it and I hope you all had a good laugh too! (I would just like to add that I'm about to click "Spill the beans!" and I'm dying over the irony.)

By debiebs - 29/12/2015 12:04 - Brazil - Salvador

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 546

You deserved it 2 327

Red flag

By Jordan - 29/05/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, my friend PayPal-ed me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote, "To get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 4 566

Gross

By nikki - 10/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 036

You deserved it 11 198

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 10:29 - France - Paris

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 91

It's not what you think

By Soph - 25/03/2013 21:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 116

You deserved it 2 897

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Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 114

You deserved it 16 289

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 3 601

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 140

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 129

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 245

Today, I realized how absolutely shitty my family is when my brother brought home his third girlfriend this week. They all smiled in her face, knowing full well my brother is a cheating asshole. Not to mention, she’s pregnant with his kid. I wasn’t allowed to date til I moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 139