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By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 855

You deserved it 6 211

By brelni - 28/11/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 244

You deserved it 4 781

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 00:10 - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 345

You deserved it 2 033

By EwwGross - 31/08/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 559

You deserved it 1 960

By Cellphonetroubles - 19/11/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 681

You deserved it 48 098

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 06:39 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 1 904

Family affair

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own, and where I work. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 10 511

By ForgottenKid - 06/11/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say hi to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 953

You deserved it 2 589

By Anonymous - 23/09/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 931

You deserved it 37 723

Classic japes and scrapes

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Japan

Today, I went for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement, and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 4 100

Oh no, oh no no no

By nodullmoment - 26/04/2013 03:01 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that's for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago were inside. After they left, the "For Rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 197

You deserved it 3 270

By Anonymous - 04/06/2014 14:34 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 652

You deserved it 3 948

By Anonymous - 06/09/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 529

You deserved it 7 742

Medicare for all!

By YoungSmileBones - 15/08/2016 18:29 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I'm so broke that I'm thinking about using a glass of whiskey and a pair of pliers to pull out my broken wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 078

You deserved it 1 349

By nadalada - 18/02/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 556

You deserved it 14 003

Nope

By Idontdance - 23/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 238

You deserved it 4 494

Good one

By bf. - 19/12/2013 02:59 - Canada - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 255

You deserved it 3 008

By Disappointed Teacher - 10/12/2013 21:32 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 942

You deserved it 4 864

By ManchotDesAndes - 26/02/2015 07:35 - France - Bezons

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 174

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 245

You deserved it 3 226

Snitched

By sixxie - 29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 130

You deserved it 2 341

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 938

You deserved it 14 158

By stolenbike - 14/06/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 874

You deserved it 3 941

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 906

You deserved it 51 071

By kherien - 12/08/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 139

You deserved it 8 179

Simple answer

By pathetic - 29/05/2009 02:35 - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work, I realized that all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work, I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale, which confirmed that I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 087

You deserved it 59 371

By gmd05 - 31/07/2012 14:28 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 821

You deserved it 3 718

Congratulations!

By Alex - 15/08/2011 04:16 - New Zealand

Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously, until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 3 135

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 879

You deserved it 2 733

Pick me up

By Ugh - 15/11/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 5 921

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 191

You deserved it 3 476

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 198

You deserved it 3 316

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 484

You deserved it 5 251

Today, on holiday 5,000 miles from home with my boyfriend and our child, I found out that he’s been constantly messaging and hooking up with one of my best friends. I have no money to get home. Only 10 days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 878

You deserved it 354

Today, I spent all day on the toilet trying to pee and when I did, very little would come out. I would stand up, sit on the couch then go back to the toilet. I have been going to the bathroom around 30 times, including last night trying to fall asleep. Worst day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 100

Today, my best friend is mad at me for "letting my paranoia ruin her relationship." I've been telling her for months now that I don't trust her boyfriend's female best friend, but she never listened to me. Guess who I caught in bed together a few hours ago while my best friend was at work? FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 107