The Top

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By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 619

You deserved it 5 234

Brave

By screw the cat - 24/07/2012 05:10 - United States - South Jordan

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house when we noticed her cat was missing. We saw it on the roof and so I thought I would try to look good by offering to go on the roof to retrieve it. The cat had climbed down when I got up there, and I have a fear of heights. Her mom had to help me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 132

You deserved it 23 918

Give it back

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 151

You deserved it 4 314

By nataliepaige - 19/07/2011 04:43 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 707

You deserved it 12 376

So similar

By StillLoveMyDogs - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 340

You deserved it 2 401

Too soon

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 19:22 - Chile

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 7 937

By taptheturtle - 12/04/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 608

You deserved it 11 078

By yooitscallo - 22/08/2015 07:30 - United States - Pekin

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 863

You deserved it 3 040

yooitscallo tells us more.

yooitscallo 8

Monday 31 August 2015 5:34

Haha, ironically the next day my girlfriend asked me if we could get a puppy, I couldn't even explain to her as to why I nearly threw up. Lol

By catherineratley - 06/05/2012 04:09 - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 453

You deserved it 2 984

By InNeedOfFriends - 12/04/2013 00:00 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 457

You deserved it 19 797

By brbkillingmyself - 08/08/2015 22:52 - United States

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 985

You deserved it 2 939

By unknown - 30/03/2013 19:02 - France

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 358

You deserved it 3 664

By tryon777 - 29/07/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 354

You deserved it 5 102

Check this out

By laurenraeee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 813

You deserved it 58 213

By Roxy19 - 22/01/2013 06:50 - United States - San Diego

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 386

You deserved it 39 551

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 03:20 - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 268

You deserved it 3 485

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 01:15 - United States

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 799

You deserved it 7 146

Coinkydink?

By believe me now?? - 22/01/2016 20:55 - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 893

You deserved it 2 080

By CrappyDay - 20/08/2013 17:14 - United States

Today, while working at a daycare, I had to change a kid's diaper. This may seem normal for a daycare worker, but not when it's a 7-year-old kid who is still not potty-trained and shat their pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 140

You deserved it 3 257

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 19:22 - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 441

You deserved it 9 023

By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 114

You deserved it 3 369

Get on with it, dude

By alpine75 - 03/05/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door. A clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was OK. I have to go back next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 031

You deserved it 8 546

By mikey - 14/10/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 224

You deserved it 7 064

New fangled technology

By notacashier - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 867

You deserved it 28 839

By WTF - 12/09/2015 00:54 - Australia

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 390

You deserved it 2 891

By Paul - 02/05/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 124

You deserved it 2 630

By Mike - 31/10/2009 04:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 900

You deserved it 6 766

By TheIVkindaruinsthemood - 05/08/2015 18:58 - United States - Milford

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 097

You deserved it 2 895

By single and unbuggered - 31/07/2015 21:04 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 2 292

I just work here

By fishingforubies2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392

You deserved it 1 893

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The Top

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 138

You deserved it 3 927

Today, my 25 year-old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 431

You deserved it 12 300

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 4 306

Today, my 81-year-old mother threw out the packaging for a 3-day-old $1,700 monitor I was going to return due to a defect. I live in my own home, but she randomly visits to "clean up" without asking me. Now I'm stuck with an expensive, defective monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 652

You deserved it 704

Today, I get as much time with the woman of my dreams as I do with my children: One day, every two weeks. She lives with me. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 193

Today, I managed to convince my wife that a random YouTube profile logged into our bedroom TV was a hacker who'd hacked our Wi-Fi and planted a virus on our TV. She ate it up like an all you can eat buffet. The profile is actually a coworker of mine, who I’ve been secretly seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 1 018