The Top

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By neighbor - 26/01/2014 13:08 - Australia - Mosman

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 924

You deserved it 4 019

By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 238

You deserved it 2 671

Fireworks

By adrenochrome - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Lithuania

Today, I learned that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 970

You deserved it 43 640

By 16seconds - 08/02/2010 01:56 - United States

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 900

You deserved it 33 219

By Kyle - 09/11/2012 06:57 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of their features, so I asked which one. I was told Homer because we "both could use Weight Watchers and an education." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 510

You deserved it 4 369

Dancing queen

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 16:44 - Switzerland

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 140

You deserved it 6 411

By Courtney - 12/11/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 372

You deserved it 6 087

Scammy family

By scammed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 835

You deserved it 3 703

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 296

You deserved it 44 166

By Anonyme - 14/08/2011 23:53 - Lebanon

Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan. How did that happen? FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 103

Contempt

By Anonymous - 26/08/2014 21:46 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Tuzla

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 785

You deserved it 6 681

By Traveler - 09/10/2015 02:06

Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 216

You deserved it 1 668

Computer says no

By Check Writer - 20/05/2013 23:07 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I was notified that the company did not give me a raise two months ago like I thought. The increase was a typo. Two months ago I wrote a thank you for the raise email to my boss. Now I get to write a check to the company to pay back my "raise." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 782

You deserved it 3 245

Freaked out

By ADanceWithDavos - 07/07/2014 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 044

You deserved it 4 634

By really?? - 02/06/2014 07:33 - United States - Dinuba

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 825

You deserved it 4 137

Classic

By jacked - 02/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 227

You deserved it 18 519

By FaceTime issues - 06/04/2014 06:57 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 073

You deserved it 5 022

By WhatTheF - 11/07/2016 05:42

Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 929

You deserved it 1 135

By ouch - 03/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 859

You deserved it 70 214

By holy sleet - 29/11/2013 21:49 - United States - Rochester

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 779

You deserved it 41 792

By Court - 22/02/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 566

You deserved it 3 586

By UncleMonkey - 06/03/2015 06:18 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 586

You deserved it 45 261

Give us a cig, mate

By Jbs4lf - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk dude because I wouldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 070

You deserved it 2 772

By Discouraged - 06/01/2015 20:36 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 662

You deserved it 3 520

By SickOfYourShit - 16/12/2015 15:41 - United States - Kennewick

Today, my boyfriend's bitch of a mother had surgery and now I'm expected to be her at-home nurse. I haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes thanks to her and I've barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 326

You deserved it 2 990

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 464

You deserved it 4 850

The eyeball zone

By crazylobster - 14/11/2009 16:52 - Australia

Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote, "I also have an eye.", instead of, "I also have an eye for detail", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 557

You deserved it 31 635

By xXshitface4uXx - 25/07/2014 22:46 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 875

You deserved it 9 130

By HaHa Not Funny - 02/08/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 455

You deserved it 9 193

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 171

You deserved it 27 309

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 238

You deserved it 5 476

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 579

You deserved it 10 464

Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 780

You deserved it 10 142

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 743

You deserved it 6 842

Today, after months of tests, I was the only candidate left for my dream job. Then, only a few days before the last meeting before signing the contract, I get a call from HR informing me their co-worker unexpectedly came back from unpaid leave and that they are obliged to give him the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 85

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 510