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Repaired

By Anonymous - 14/09/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, I paid a repairman $65 to come to my house to fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side that said, "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said, "All fixed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 385

You deserved it 45 716

You OK, dude?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "Beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 492

You deserved it 37 333

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 12:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 4 584

Confidential

By penguins - 13/11/2010 00:30 - United States

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 329

You deserved it 14 763

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 166

You deserved it 11 491

By Anonymous - 21/07/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 2 784

Charged

By Stickerless - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42 cent postage, so now I have to pay $250 because my mother is cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 538

You deserved it 4 490

By chinatownhobo - 08/04/2013 06:12 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 500

You deserved it 3 641

By Skoff - 23/07/2015 09:44 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 125

You deserved it 2 953

Sooooooo?

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 492

You deserved it 30 862

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 159

You deserved it 13 235

By Anonymous - 29/04/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 563

You deserved it 18 506

By gross - 11/06/2016 07:56 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at 19 years of age, I finally saw a nude girl in real life. Specifically, my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 832

You deserved it 2 097

O face

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 629

You deserved it 6 644

By Wheresthebeefz - 01/02/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I tried to save a dying bird I found on the sidewalk. I got a parking ticket for $114 in front of the animal hospital. I later found out the bird died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 973

You deserved it 7 909

What were the chances?

By emilyparra1 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Riverview

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I walked into the office, the manager said, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 920

You deserved it 2 574

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 753

You deserved it 8 333

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 21:54 - United States - North Adams

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 523

You deserved it 3 755

First crush

By yoggabe - 18/08/2012 20:34 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I found out that my six year-old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 568

You deserved it 2 355

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 614

You deserved it 56 821

LOL

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text, saying, "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 976

You deserved it 4 480

By rozsrredd - 08/07/2014 05:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 097

You deserved it 4 189

Alexa, play "You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties" by Jona Lewie

By Anonymous - 09/10/2009 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 711

You deserved it 9 301

Leave me alone

By emoflowers - 10/04/2012 02:51 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 552

You deserved it 3 353

By quiet_screaming_ - 01/07/2015 02:21 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 125

You deserved it 8 834

Suspicious liquids

By Flyboy - 18/07/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 960

You deserved it 4 401

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 219

You deserved it 2 873

Great timing, dude

By misswhiskers - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 529

You deserved it 3 447

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 248

You deserved it 3 727

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 148

You deserved it 7 266

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 615

You deserved it 3 110

Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 551

You deserved it 21 945

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 735

You deserved it 4 030

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 354

You deserved it 42 871

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 407

You deserved it 2 477

Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 930

You deserved it 467