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By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her Twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 678

You deserved it 3 037

Good one, Debbie

By xXxJoe16xXx - 01/12/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied, "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 153

You deserved it 8 444

By mynameiscrazy - 08/07/2012 01:42 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to make me dinner surrounded by a candlelight setting. By the time I got home, we had 7 firefighters surrounding our house. Turns out one of the candles fell on the carpet and lit up the curtain as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 158

You deserved it 2 353

mynameiscrazy tells us more.

mynameiscrazy 2

Sunday 8 July 2012 15:34

No, this happened in Australia, and no it was not featured on the news of any sort. It happened on 30 June 2012, aha.

Happy for you

By pissed - 04/05/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 192

You deserved it 4 998

By man2 - 23/09/2010 11:18 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 156

You deserved it 4 058

By keyless - 14/04/2012 15:20 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 458

You deserved it 2 196

Nature is healing

By squirrels69ing - 22/05/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 061

You deserved it 6 299

By Victoria - 12/07/2016 14:10

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 683

You deserved it 1 192

By sarah6786 - 22/01/2013 02:27 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 757

You deserved it 4 871

By iLuvsIt - 06/11/2012 09:32 - Australia - Belmont

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 823

You deserved it 3 300

By bthms - 31/01/2010 14:46 - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 975

You deserved it 3 462

By Carebeareatu - 14/09/2013 05:42 - United States - North Richland Hills

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 585

You deserved it 3 592

Carebeareatu tells us more.

Carebeareatu 23

Sunday 15 September 2013 0:58

op here. I don't know why they did. I dont want to know why they did.

By Anonymous - 18/06/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 318

You deserved it 3 591

Orwellian nightmare

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 13:47 - Austria - Vienna

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 226

You deserved it 3 305

Caine

By dogless - 04/12/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I found my pitbull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He'd peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60-dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 301

You deserved it 6 675

By heartbroken - 14/07/2012 01:41 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 667

You deserved it 2 832

By frootloops - 21/11/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 27 764

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:42 - United States

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 810

You deserved it 5 657

Charming

By hoggypig - 23/04/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 604

You deserved it 2 901

By Anonymous - 02/08/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 770

You deserved it 3 532

By blinkme - 28/08/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 721

You deserved it 13 816

By Bonding_boys - 17/12/2012 16:21 - United States - Elk River

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 895

You deserved it 6 288

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 344

You deserved it 6 908

By Sal - 05/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 426

You deserved it 2 497

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 815

You deserved it 4 761

By HappyBirthday - 28/05/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 393

You deserved it 4 777

By Failed_Dad - 25/09/2015 05:42 - United States - Davis

Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 700

You deserved it 2 738

By anon - 17/07/2015 07:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 454

You deserved it 3 739

By =( - 05/04/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 800

You deserved it 14 442

Love is love, but come on…

By nen_00 - 14/09/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 269

You deserved it 44 250

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The Top

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 287

You deserved it 2 863

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 156

You deserved it 5 117

Today, I bought a $300 gym membership that gives me access to the company's non-premium gyms. The non-premium gyms are all closed due to construction, because they're being turned into premium gyms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 949

You deserved it 7 767

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 491

You deserved it 4 086

Today, I drove a different work vehicle, one with the cupholder right behind the gear lever. After multiple accidental attempts at changing gears with my Coke bottle, I threw it out the window in a temper. I then got busted for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 701

Today, my wife has been going to a "women's group" for the last couple of months. She now refuses to do anything around the house, blatantly spoils our daughter, and talks to our son like he's mentally incompetent. She insists that she's just "reclaiming her power" but it makes everyone else miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 251