The Top

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Noob

By Pete - 08/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I’m a gym newbie and finally worked up the nerve to use the squat rack. I loaded a very modest weight but still felt proud. Halfway through, I realized I’d set up directly in front of the mirror… backwards. I was basically doing awkward half-squats facing everyone else, and two people were politely trying not to laugh behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 100

Nice try

By Nina - 21/04/2023 10:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran into my roommate coming home at 9 a.m. She was wearing nice clothes, but somehow looked a bit run down. Figuring she was just coming back from a fun night out, I poked fun at her for coming home wearing last night's getup. Turns out it was a fresh outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 802

Butt of the joke

By Dan - 18/09/2024 20:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my family doesn't actually use the secret codeword we've had since childhood for when we’re in trouble. They've just been saying it around me for years because they thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 105

Classic case

By Anonymous - 25/04/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son is complaining that girls only want to have sex with him but won’t date him, so he’s afraid he’ll never get married. Funny, my wife only wants to be married to me, but won’t have sex with me. Ain’t that ironic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 142

Body horror

By Anonymous - 25/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend. I was the little spoon. His hand moved to my chest (I'm less than an A-cup, but very full on my bottom half), and I playfully said, "No! Don’t touch my chest!" He replied, "Huh? I thought that was your rib cage!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 183

Cats gonna be cats

By Philomena - 01/10/2024 00:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 395

Gassy day

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I ate two Fiber One bars for breakfast and now I can’t stop farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 429

Pond life

By My new shoes might be too big - 15/05/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I was playing Spikeball with some friends when the ball got lost and went rolling towards a pond. As I sprinted to grab it before it fell in the water, my shoe came off, causing me to trip and faceplant into the mud. I then watched as the ball rolled into the pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 147

Happens to the best of us

By Anonymous - 13/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I got ready for work half-asleep, grabbed my coffee, and walked out the door. It wasn’t until I was in the elevator that I realized I was also holding the TV remote instead of my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 199

Concerning

By Baby driver - 19/10/2024 09:00 - United States - Fulton

Today, a cop pulled me over and asked if I knew why. I panicked and blurted out, "Because I just killed someone?" He just stared at me in disbelief and said, "No, because your taillight's out. Should I be concerned?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 520

Memory hole

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about plans I've made for next week with his cousin. “What?” he says, “This is the first time I’m hearing of this!” No honey, it's actually the second time I’ve told you about it in as many days, including the exact explanation of how these plans came to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 92

Computer says no

By Chad - 25/10/2024 09:00 - Belgium

Today, I heard back from my dream job! I was declined by the computer system because I didn't include whether I was full-time or part-time. I work in a different department at the same place, and as part of the required documents I had included my pay records showing that I am a full-time employee of 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 103

Checked out

By Anonymous - 29/10/2024 15:00 - Canada

Today, I sent a "just checking in!" email to a client who hasn't replied in weeks. They replied immediately, but I'd forgotten to delete the part where I called them "The Ghost of Projects Past." Now I’m praying for either forgiveness… or just more ghosting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 535

Podcasters need to be stopped

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was listening to a true-crime podcast while taking a shower. Right as the narrator said, “And then he heard a loud bang,” my shampoo bottle fell off the ledge with a loud thud. I screamed so loudly, I apparently scared my neighbours, who banged on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 350

Clunker

By Anonymous - 19/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Austin

Today, a customer came in complaining about a weird noise in her car. I took it for a quick test drive, heard nothing, then told her it was probably nothing serious. The second I pulled back into the lot, the hood popped open because I hadn’t latched it properly after checking the fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 401

Quality family time

By hangry girl - 13/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I ordered enough takeout for 3 people. When the delivery guy smiled and asked, "Family dinner?" I panicked and said, "They're parking." Even though I know that the delivery guy doesn't really give a shit, I stood outside my apartment for 5 minutes pretending to wait for imaginary relatives before going back inside alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 376

Short circuit

By Biker - 22/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I took a “shortcut” on my bike to save five minutes and ended up carrying it up three flights of stairs because the path turned into a locked service entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 151

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 249

Red tape

By Anonymous - 24/12/2024 00:00 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I've been waiting for a response for a grant application that I need for my salary in January. I applied for it in June. Initially, they said that they would send out answers in November, then changed it to December. Three days before Xmas, I got a rejection. Now I'll be spending my holidays looking for more grants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 118

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

By I want to forget too... - 03/08/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 60

Deer in headlights

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, at my new job waitressing, I walked into a glass door at full speed while carrying a tray of drinks. Not only did I spill everything, but I also left a weird make up face print on the glass for everyone to laugh at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 154

The truth bomb

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I found out that my son didn’t have to work over Christmas because he "didn’t have enough seniority to get time off." He actually volunteered so that he didn’t have to spend the holiday with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 429

Glow up

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I used a new face mask that claimed it would make my skin glow. I must have missed the part about testing for allergies. My “glow” turned into a bright red rash overnight, just in time for a first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 185

Tripped wires

By Anonymous - 18/01/2025 00:00 - Denmark

Today, I joined what I thought was my company’s morning meeting. It took 15 minutes of listening to strangers talk about organic farming before I realized I was in the wrong Zoom. I still don't know how the link I was sent got me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 140

Local attraction

By Jefferson - 27/01/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 528

Whip it

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take a slow-motion video of myself flipping my hair like in a shampoo commercial. Instead, I hit my head against the shower door so hard that my shelf of cosmetics collapsed and landed in my toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 559

Classic backfire

By Anonymous - 02/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was in a quiet library, trying to stifle a sneeze. In the process, I let out an embarrassingly loud and dramatic snort that echoed through the room. Heads turned. Many stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 179

A little stiff and rusty

By Footloose - 11/09/2023 14:30

Today, I went for a run to get in shape for the first time in ages. I put on my running shoes and hit the pavement. Halfway through, the sole of one shoe came off, and I had to hobble back home in embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 118

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 27/02/2025 03:00 - Canada

Today, I was at a store trying to buy a birthday gift for my niece when I knocked over a stack of porcelain dolls. As they crashed to the floor, a security guard rushed over, but before I could apologize, I heard a tiny voice behind me: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!” It was just another prank by my mortified son, but it was too late to stop people glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 119

Feeling real worked out

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 12:00

Today, the lights went out at the gym while I was holding a heavy bar. I tried to put it back on the rack, missed, and dropped it on my toe. Then, as I was limping around in pain, I hit my head on one of the other bars on a rack at head height. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 103

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The Top

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 606

You deserved it 989

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was, "God forbid a maxed-out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 746

You deserved it 21 095

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 103

You deserved it 4 438

Today, I thought my boyfriend was kidding when he said he'd dump me if I actually ate pineapple on pizza. I ordered it. I ate it. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 226

You deserved it 1 206

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 1 207

Today, I decided to take a nap in the park. I found a nice shady spot and closed my eyes. When I woke up, I realized I had fallen asleep on an ant hill. My entire body was riddled with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 468