The Top

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Stained for life

By Chris - 08/03/2023 18:00 - Ireland

Today, I went to a job interview wearing what I consider to be my lucky shirt. On my way to the interview, a bird dropped a load of bird poop on my shirt, and I didn't have time to change. During the interview, the interviewer kept staring at the poop stain on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 151

Don't give in

By Concerned User - 25/02/2026 12:00

Today, no one in my circle of friends cares about Discord's privacy violations except me. I've explained it to all of them, but they're only worried about whether they personally have to send in ID verification, not about the fact that their user information will be collected and stored regardless! FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 278

It's sus to us

By Nicky - 04/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my husband got on a business call, but he was not using his usual booming, baritone voice. Instead, he was soft and sweet and began with, "Hey, how have you been?" and quickly went into his office. Curious, I listened outside his door. It was a female co-worker. The work talk was waaaay too fun and familiar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 133

By zero_minded12 - 21/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 827

You deserved it 71 135

Practice makes perfect sense

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I practiced my wedding vows in front of the mirror we have in the hallway. When I was done, I heard clapping from my living room. Turns out my fiancé’s parents had come over early for dinner and had heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 150

Familiar

By Looks familiar - 13/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my coworker asked me for advice for a clever comeback after she got an unsolicited dick pic. I sent her some zingers to roast the creep into oblivion. Afterward she sent me screenshots. I recognized the mole and birthmark immediately. It was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 142

Be quiet

By type quiet - 11/03/2026 00:00

Today, I have a new coworker. Whenever he types something, he smacks the keyboard like its his wife's ass. It stresses me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 118

Protip

By Anonymous - 20/03/2026 03:00

Today, my boyfriend scratched his balls then rubbed his finger under my nose, all so he could grab the TV remote and change the channel while I ran to the sink retching FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 116

In space no one can hear you fart

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Claymont

Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 664

Late late flight

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 06:00

Today, I was waiting at the airport for a flight when I looked down and realised that I had booked the wrong date. Frantically, I tried to rebook the flight, but it was completely sold out. Now, I'm stuck in the airport for the next 24 hours with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 793

The old banana trick

By Anonymous - 31/03/2026 20:00

Today, something on my car went bang and the whole thing died. I got it towed to a garage and it turns out a great fat rat had gotten stuck in my exhaust, died, and blocked it up. The fumes couldn’t escape and overheated the engine until something blew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 50

Trial by social media

By Anonymous - 04/04/2026 15:00

Today, I told my late husband's daughter that I have no interest in reconciliation because she was horrible to me the entire time we were married, and never once warmed up to me, no matter what I tried. Now she's telling everybody on social media that I really am an evil wicked witch stepmom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 115

Small pleasures mean a lot

By Chocolate Croissant - 13/04/2026 20:00 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I think I had a mini orgasm when the baker told me that the chocolate croissant I'd just chosen was still warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 141

Thanks for the heads up

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 206

Company policy

By Anonymous - 15/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I just wanted to let Spectrum Internet know that there's a wire down a block north of me, but all they wanted to do was schedule a fucking appointment for ME! Why are there so many fucking idiots in this goddamn world? FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 106

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 365

TW: Scampi

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 00:00

Today, I’m so heartbroken I can’t even finish leftover Chicken Scampi without bursting into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 211

Access to education

By Anonymous - 19/09/2024 16:00 - Oman - Muscat

Today, I was supposed to register my courses in college, but our stupid university changed the system, which means it's completely new. I went to my advisor, but he couldn't help. I went to the registration center; they told me to go to talk to the doctor who is teaching the course. He told me to go back to talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 99

Ding dong

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 02:04 - United States - El Macero

Today, I got an ingrown hair. It wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere other than my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 145

Justice for Holly!

By Hollyisacat - 21/09/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my father was serious when he said he was going to “disown Holly for being a wh*re” and getting pregnant at a young age. First of all, Holly is our cat; second, this wouldn’t have happened if my parents took her to get spayed like the vet said, and kept her inside instead of letting her roam the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 88

Running man

By Fresh and not fit - 24/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I'm training for my first half marathon so I went for a run in a busy park. I tripped on a completely flat path in front of about twenty people. Not only did I fall, but my wireless earbuds flew out dramatically in opposite directions. Some wise ass golf clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 100

Directions

By Anonymous - 26/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I had a hard time directing my dad to where we were supposed to throw out our broken toilets when we replaced them with new ones. I kept saying to go to the right. Unfortunately I was talking about MY right, not HIS right, and he was walking backwards. It wasn't until I said "other way" that he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 403

Thanks, I guess

By Anonymous - 02/05/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom - Fulham

Today, my kids and husband brought me a bunch of ornamental cabbages for my birthday, rather than flowers. Why? Because, "you're more of a cabbage sort of person." Ah well, guess it's an improvement on last year when they forgot entirely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 69

Turn around, Bright Eyes

By Alma - 01/10/2024 20:00 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I was at a karaoke bar. After a few drinks, I gave it a go. Halfway through “Total Eclipse of the Heart” I got so into it, I knocked over the mic stand. The mic flew off, hit the DJ, who then hit the emergency stop button, cutting off the music. I froze as the bar erupted into laughter. I did get a free Coke for my “performance,” which was something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 203

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

By Lonely - 05/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my only daughter and her boyfriend sat me down for an important talk. I was thrilled, thinking they were engaged or pregnant. They actually wanted to tell me they're moving half way around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 177

I'm so sorry

By tiptoppc - 08/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my wife slept in my bed (she normally sleeps in another room because of my nightmares from PTSD). I fell asleep in 30 minutes and had a nightmare, in which I woke up to me kneeing her tailbone from an in-dream assault I fought back from. I hadn’t had these in a while, and now she’s injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 73

Another one bites the dust

By KLO - 05/10/2024 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that my husband is an undercover crypto/NFT dipshit. I found this out when I looked at our joint account to find he had transferred a hell of a lot of actual money to some sort of BTC account with a dumb name. He now claims it's "the future", and I just "don't understand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 96

Bad mom

By Anonymous - 10/05/2026 00:00 - Canada - Cranbrook

Today, because of my mom going on a drunken adventure, I now have a FBI file. I'm Canadian and my birth certificate proves I wasn't even alive when she pulled this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 50

So frustraaaatiiiiiing

By Anonymous - 10/05/2023 15:00 - Tanzania

Today, after my husband told me he doesn't enjoy having sex unless he initiates it, my mother-in-law barged into my bedroom only to find me pleasing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 222

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent a good few minutes watching my wife thrash our son with a pillow because despite all our warnings to him about safe sex, he and his girlfriend are going to be parents in about 6 months, and they’re both 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 125

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The Top

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 629

You deserved it 2 417

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to get ready for a "fun work retreat". After driving 2 hours to the site, I find that nobody's there. After about half an hour standing there freezing, I get an email from my boss, telling me that, "It's canceled due to bad weather." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 420

You deserved it 1 803

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he came up the stairs, "Stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the trash. We'll eat sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 052

You deserved it 4 037

Today, I was told I don't qualify for disability benefits because I'm too young. I get this answer each time I apply, no matter how many lawyers and doctors I get. My mobility is so bad I've become wheelchair-bound and need assistance to bathe. How much worse do they want me to get? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 920

You deserved it 203

Today, my ex-wife refuses to return to Canada from the Caribbean if there are any new named Covid variants. I don't care about her, but this includes my children. She really does not want to return because she is anti-vax, cannot travel, and likes the local men. So what if the kids don't get educated? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 234

Today, I was making out with this hot girl at a party. She was a bad kisser and I meant to say, "It's like you're 16 and don't know how to kiss" but it came out as, "It's like I'm kissing a 16 year-old." The room fell silent and she got off my lap with a disturbed look on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 799