The Top

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LET ME IIIIIIIIIIN

By Wtfacebook - 28/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Steele

Today, after two weeks of not being able to log into my Facebook account, I received a prompt to change my password. I interpreted this as them saying that I was hacked, and they had simply shut it down to avoid problems, so I did. It still won't let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 155

Freestyle

By Anonymous - 28/10/2024 22:00 - Germany - Jesteburg

Today, my dad gave a speech at my wedding. It started with, “Forty years ago, there was a tree…” and continued in the same vein about his work as a biologist. I might have been mentioned in passing. My new wife was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 86

Desperate

By Alone 5eva - 04/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my cheating ex is still happily married with his new wife and kids 4 years after he left me for her. Meanwhile, I keep getting ghosted, left on “Read/Seen”, and getting a guy to be into me is like pulling teeth. I think it’s time to throw the towel on love and die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 232

Ouchies

By Anonymous - 15/06/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 58

Puberty sucks

By Anonymous - 19/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, and for the past week, I practiced my speech for the school debate team. Right as I started, my 14 year-old voice cracked so hard that the first sentence came out sounding like a startled goat. The judge tried not to laugh, but I spent the rest of the round fighting octave changes in my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 55

Going down

By Rob - 15/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried to strike up a conversation with someone in an elevator by commenting on the "beautiful view." We were in a windowless elevator, heading for the basement parking lot. I then had to try and appear less psychotic to avoid freaking them out even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 531

Cursed building

By I care too much - 06/05/2019 04:00

Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 145

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 04:00

Today, as my date and I were climbing into bed, she casually mentioned she’s never had an anonymous one night stand before. We work in the same office; that’s where we met. Apparently, I was always under her radar, and she assumed I was a customer instead of her coworker of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 236

Tricky

By Anonymous - 29/06/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I started building a basic bookshelf from a flat-pack kit without looking at the instructions, because "How hard could it be?" I finished just as the last screw went in, then noticed the back panel was facing outwards and every shelf was upside down. Taking it apart took longer than putting it together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 563

By Tripartita - 07/07/2016 13:31 - United States

Today, after months of convincing from my friends, I finally bought a car they claimed would be a chick magnet. Wrong kind of "chick," mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 85

Poopy

By Dead - 30/06/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend had an "accident" at home. She texted me about it. I tried to lightly tease her and sent a comment about her shitting her pants… to the family group chat by mistake. I'm currently writing my last will and testament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 573

It's not a phase, Mom

By Anonymous - 03/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Covington

Today, my mom found my sketchbook full of realistic dicks. She woke me up to show me with concern, and the page she showed as an example was specifically someone getting a handjob. For context, I draw lewd stuff for the laughs, and being an artist just makes it not work out in my favor. She now thinks I am a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 349

A very good boy

By Dog lady - 06/07/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, I volunteered to watch my friend's dog. Everything was great until I took him to the dog park and another owner asked what his name was. I completely blanked, spent ten awkward seconds making eye contact with the dog, then finally admitted I'd been calling him "Buddy" all morning. His actual name is Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 195

Confused

By Anonymous - 04/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I mistook my boss’s "Have a good weekend!" for "How’s your weekend?" So I replied, "Great so far!" It’s Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 260

Thanks Gemini

By Anonymous - 08/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I took my nephew to the zoo and spent the day telling him fun animal facts. At the giraffe enclosure, I explained that giraffes can't make sounds. Right on cue, one let out the loudest snorting noise I've ever heard. My six year-old nephew looked at me and said, "Maybe Google isn't always right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 464

Disappearing act

By Anonymous - 10/07/2026 09:00 - Ireland - Portlaoise

Today, I lost the pantyliner I was wearing. It's a hot, sweaty day, and I think the adhesive stopped working. I had a piano lesson right before I noticed it was missing. I'm having visions of it resting on my hot male piano teacher's floor. Or it fell out on the street somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 74

Silent night

By On Mute Now - 08/12/2024 00:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, after nearly a week of having laryngitis, I was finally able to talk a little again. Then I yelled at my son for leaving his shit all over the living room, strained my throat, and can barely even whisper now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 850

Fitness for duty

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I fucked up by jacking off. I have trouble getting "in the mood" due to medication and other things, so when I do I'm excited to enjoy myself, though it often takes a while and a lot of physical effort to get there. However, in the process of getting off today, I threw out my back and my hip. I'm only 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 180

Trash

By Jimmy044 - 17/07/2026 03:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I got myself locked out of my apartment whilst taking the trash out. I was wearing pyjamas, holding a banana, and I'd left my phone inside. My neighbours learned a lot about me, seeing as no one recognised me and I had to explain that I actually live in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 187

Need warmth

By LockedDown - 04/02/2021 08:03 - United States - Vancouver

Today, due to the pandemic and living alone, I finally had some physical human contact for the first time in six months for my dental checkup. Which was also the last contact I had almost a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 120

YouTuber brain

By Anonymous - 24/03/2022 00:01

Today, I accidentally deleted my YouTube account because I was trying to eliminate distractions from school. My dumb self eventually realized all I had to do was stop uploading, and return to it during my vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 1 067

Curtain call

By Anonymous - 19/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I was part of a community theater play as a prop helper. I was supposed to slide a fake letter under a door, but I got overenthusiastic and kicked it into the audience. The actor improvised, but the crowd laughed harder at my blunder than the actual play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 315

Territorial

By GoddamnCat - 13/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I'm very tired because last night my cat decided to announce to the world that another cat had wandered into the backyard at the top of his lungs. At 2 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 188

The line must go up

By Anonymous - 13/12/2024 12:00

Today, my boss sacked me because I only sold 3 cars last month. He made no allowance for the fact we’re in such a rural location we only had 3 customers actually walk in the door, and I sold a car to all 3 of them. That’s a 100% success rate. What else could I do, drag customers in? FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 82

Eager beaver

By TiePrior988 - 24/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview in ages. I went in early, but instead of anyone telling me, they waited for the manager to come and get mad at me because it was supposed to be an online interview. I apologized and we went ahead with the interview, but she seemed disinterested and annoyed. I don’t think I got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 80

Slightly angry

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, if you have fibromyalgia and back spasms, DON'T go to hospital, they don’t do shit for people anymore. They only give you a shot that barely works and send you home. YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING BLEEDING OR DYING TO GET THEIR FUCKING ATTENTION! FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 313

Unloveable

By keerah - 20/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I came to find out that each person I've ever dated was either set up by my dad or by my sister. I'm fuming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 140

Slapstick never gets old

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 58

It's a trap!

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 12:00

Today, I agreed to go to a restaurant because I hadn’t really been listening and thought everyone was planning a coworkers night out. It wasn’t until the guy who had invited me turned up at the restaurant in a suit that I realised it wasn’t a group event, I’d accidentally agreed to a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 1 128

Square eyes

By Anonymous - 02/08/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I received a notification that my phone screen time was down by 40% this week. I was incredibly proud of myself until I remembered I'd spent most of the week watching TV instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 261

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The Top

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 944

You deserved it 2 107

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 929

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 688

You deserved it 3 061

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 944

You deserved it 253

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 2 167

Today, my father-in-law announced the name of his new son, my husband's half-brother. The first name and last name is the same as our son, who I gave birth to 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 100