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By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 02:00

Today, my mother told me she's planning on taking the next two weeks "off". She is unemployed and on disability, and spends her days on the couch watching Netflix. Off from what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 174

This pandemic is ruining our health in so many ways

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 20:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I'm in pretty good physical shape. No, wait, that was two years ago. Now I need to take a break after brushing each quadrant of my teeth because my arm gets tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 692

Let me out of this mess

By Anonymous - 31/07/2023 22:00

Today, I realized I have helicopter parents. They monitor my phone and don't let me have social media or get apps without their permission, give me a screen time limit, and snoop through my texts whenever they want. Then they expect me to trust them. I feel like my house is a prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 378

Freakout

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 03:10

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 287

You walked into that one

By BrokeasAJoke - 03/05/2022 14:00

Today, I asked my mom if I could borrow $20 since I don’t get paid until Friday. She responded with, “Why don’t you return those packages that arrived this week from your online shopping sprees?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 2 283

I can explain

By 1nn0cen7 1 sw3ar - 06/05/2022 14:00

Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 180

Are you experienced?

By Karenfast17 - 03/03/2021 07:58 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, I have to write my resume, and my teacher asked me about my secondary school activities. I'd never joined in any activities at that time, did no work experience, no volunteer work, except for two activities that I did in an institution centre this year. This all means I'm good at NOTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 355

You sure it's just the posh name?

By hyphenated - 26/05/2022 10:00

Today, for what seems like the thousandth time, one of my new friends has cut me out of their life after I told them my last name. It’s hyphenated and I’m a woman, which means I'm “automatically” a stuck-up bitch. I'm not married, I was born with this last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 162

My babies would never do that!

By katie hj - 20/04/2022 02:00

Today, I was screamed at by my stepmom for “taking a shit on the carpet.” We have not one but two dogs who are losing their bowel control, and I'm 24 years-old and have never taken a shit anywhere other than the toilet, so I have no idea why she’s blaming me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 112

Insecure dudes everywhere

By sadcation - 13/08/2023 16:00

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either cancel my amazing work trip or stay with him. I chose the trip and he assured me he’d be gone by the time I got back. His issue? My boss thought it’d be cheaper to get an AirBnB instead of getting us all hotel rooms, and that men are also going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 265

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 18:00

Today, I finally realized my husband sees our son and I as more of a financial burden than actually wanting to provide for us. Well, now what the fuck do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 300

Send help!

By Anonymous - 24/08/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son and daughter-in-law are both going to jail for the same crime. I’m recently retired but I’m now stuck raising their bratty 15 year-old and their new baby, who’s less than a year old. I’m nearly 70 years-old, I can’t do this shit anymore. I certainly can’t afford it on a pension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 124

Spooked

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 93

Bye bye baby

By OhCanada - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 400

I'm innocent!

By Anonymous - 06/06/2022 04:00

Today, I got a text from an old hook up. I assumed it was a mistake, since we hadn’t spoken in years. She replied that her fiancé just dumped her after finding our old chat log. The last message was 10 years ago, and apparently she has become a prude since then, so now I’m a homewrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 151

Healthy relationship goals

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I'm more interested in Facebook stalking a former coworker than seeing what my girlfriend is doing on a business trip. On her birthday. For a week. Where she insisted on staying in her ex's spare bedroom. That she decorated for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 908

Fishing for compliments

By Brent - 14/06/2022 14:00

Today, I'm going through a long dry spell, so I asked my ex-wife and the last woman I was intimate with how they were physically attracted to me. They started listing things like financial stability, trustworthy, safe and nice to talk to. I just wanted to be called handsome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 732

Policy of truth

By Searsguy - 19/06/2022 14:00

Today, I got fired on my second day on the job. I'd said that I was the former manager of a Sears that had permanently closed. Thinking they wouldn’t call and verify since it was closed, I put it on my resume. Turns out one of my coworkers used to work there for 10 years and said he never heard of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 2 881

Ouch

By Cindy1897 - 27/08/2017 20:00

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed and took the pain medicine that the oral surgeon prescribed for me before bed. The pain actually did go away for the most part, until my stomach decided to betray me and make me throw up, forcing my jaw to open more than it could after surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 288

Neverending hell

By SKG95 - 22/08/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 153

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 17:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I sent a picture of my two little nephews to my friends, who now keep telling me how my older nephew looks exactly like me. They’re starting to make awkward statements such as, “Are you sure you didn’t have sex with your sister in-law?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 118

Independence day

By Anonymous - 01/07/2022 10:00

Today, I got a text from my dad asking about my car in the shop. I'm trying to show them that I can actually be independent, but now they know that not only will it cost all my savings account to fix it, but also that my boyfriend will be driving me to work for the next month while the shop waits for the parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 162

By Andrew Dutch Beebe - 25/08/2019 20:00

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 107

Baby you can't drive my car

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 15:00

Today, my girlfriend has spent months convincing me to let her have a go driving my Mercedes, and like a fool I gave in and let her drive it once round the street. She didn’t make it 12 inches before she reversed it into the gate post, denting the body, and destroying the paintwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 426

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/08/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 230

That's entertainment

By Liam - 12/07/2022 04:00

Today, my son and his girl best friend have been dancing around each other for a year, unwilling to make the first move. It's a great source of entertainment for my wife, while I just want to yell at them to kiss already, but my wife has threatened "CONSEQUENCES" if I ruin the fun she has watching their teen drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 265

Autobodyshaming

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 16:59

Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 568

The sociopaths amongst us

By Anonymous - 26/10/2023 22:00

Today, my boss is such an unfeeling asshole that he seriously thought he could demand I only stay at my best friend's funeral for 45 minutes then return to work, because it was “just a friend, not a relative', and that when his mother died he "took a whole 2 hours off and was back at work by 11:45.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 95

No way in hell

By Anonymous - 29/10/2023 00:02

Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 096

Not cool, dude

By Jabba - 07/11/2023 14:00

Today, I met my Bumble date. I was so excited because it’s my first date in 6 years. We exchanged hellos and he said he needed to use the restroom. Turns out he left. When I messaged him to ask what happened, he told me, “I agreed to go on a date with the hot girl in the photos, not a contestant from 'My 600lb Life'.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 884

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The Top

Today, at the restaurant, my boyfriend told his parents that we were going to get married. They pretended not to hear and had a discussion about the contents of their plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 57

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 553

You deserved it 5 359

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 493

You deserved it 7 671

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 855

You deserved it 13 619

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized Build-a-Bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear, "We should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 367

You deserved it 3 837

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 143