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Self report

By sore tongue - 01/07/2023 06:00

Today, despite knowing full well that I am allergic to citric acid, I bought and ate candy that is essentially just powdered and flavoured citric acid. Now my tongue is too swollen and painful to eat. I’m a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 1 347

Nice

By meg - 07/02/2021 00:30

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 133

By Quin - 31/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 2 075

Sociopath time

By i…… - 14/04/2022 14:00

Today, my son’s mother is dying. He told me he feels “nothing at all” because of it. The reason? “Sometimes she punished me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 209

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 21/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Port Ludlow

Today, my boyfriend of 10 years won’t marry me until all my debts are paid off, which will take me 10 to 12 years to do. To add insult to injury, he’s been using intimacy as part of a reward system for me, and no matter how hard I try to earn it and as much as I initiate like he wants, he keeps turning me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 499

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 10:00 - United States - Brookline

Today, it was my birthday. Nobody said anything, not even my Facebook friends, who probably got a notification about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 182

We're in Hell

By GetMeOut - 23/05/2022 14:01

Today, it’s my first day staying with my aunt since the untimely passing of my parents last week. So far, she slapped my phone out my hand for being on the phone with a guy, feeds me vegan food, and told me to “turn off that black people music.” Only a year and a half left until I turn 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 055

You deserved it 123

Not helping

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 14:00

Today, I wanted to be alone for once, so I went out for dinner, planning to go to the cinema afterwards. My sister ambushed me at the restaurant because she’d heard I was stressed out and wanted to be alone, so she thought she should keep me company while I was alone to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 130

Nutshot

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 12:00 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I took my sister and her friend to the new swimming pool in our area. They wanted to go down one of the slides, so I went up with them. At the top of the stairs, my sister's friend kicked me in the balls and then pulled my trunks off. They pushed me down the slide naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 167

Gas giant

By …how??? - 21/04/2022 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I learned that the average human farts 15 times a day. I fart more than that within the first hour of the day, and that’s even after not eating anything for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 167

Let's goooooo

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 12:00

Today, my 9-year-old son decided honesty is the best policy and to never lie again. And by that, I mean he's decided to go ahead and blurt out every mean comment he can think of. In one school day, he made 6 kids cry, was punched by 4 other kids, was reprimanded by 3 teachers, and was uninvited to a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 225

Open door policy

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 23:01

Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 88

What the hell is this workplace?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 1 643

So far…

By sutz22 - 22/08/2023 00:02 - Italy

Today, marks the day I break up with my boyfriend after being cheated on for years, and getting a few STIs from him. It's also the year my mum died, and so did my dog, just 20 days apart. 2023 has not been my year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 145

Better luck next time

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 14:30

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 256

You deserved it 340

Nice catch

By inthesticks - 01/05/2022 05:09

Took, I took my son fishing. We ended the night at the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 57

By Kit2019 - 23/07/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I got overly excited because someone texted me, but then realized that moments before, I had sent myself a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 454

Anger management

By stumpy - 31/07/2019 18:00

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 122

You deserved it 206

Punctuality

By Broke - 17/05/2022 06:00

Today, I came into work to have my supervisor call me into her office, then her telling me to pack my things and get out. Apparently, just because they haven’t been saying anything about you being habitually late for work doesn’t mean that they don’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 3 382

Living beyond your means

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that despite having a full-time job I must really be failing at this adulting business, because I called my dad and the first words out of his mouth were, "I’m not sending you any more money." I do borrow money a lot, and yes I was about to ask for more. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 1 084

Stranger danger

By erin - 02/04/2021 10:59

Today, I saw a girl with the same shirt as me. I excitedly pointed it out. She punched me in the face. I didn’t think people actually got mad about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 120

Eastenders

By Amrit - 03/04/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that a few years ago, when I lost my kids to my ex-wife, it was because my current wife secretly hated having to be their stepmom, so she conspired with my ex to ruin the custody hearing in my ex's favour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 198

Waiiiiiiit

By Anonymous - 22/09/2023 06:00

Today, after an argument over my timekeeping, my boyfriend bet me that I was incapable of being ready to leave the house by 6:30 to get our theatre seats. It got to 6:35 and I was rushing to tie my shoes while doing my lipstick when I heard him put the car in gear and drive off without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 1 980

Help, I need somebody!

By Almost40 - 26/06/2022 16:00

Today, it's my birthday, and like every other Sunday, my wife's been called into work, and I'm left with our three toddlers and yesterday's mess to clean up. It's raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 266

Scumbag

By old mom - 29/09/2023 06:00

Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 414

Need help

By misty - 16/04/2021 05:00

Today, I have been crying uncontrollably for a week straight. Why? Someone posted a mean comment about me on the internet a week ago. No matter how much I try to think about something else, I can’t. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 571

Chill out Jen

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was at an outdoor market with my family. We'd had dinner and were about to leave when two women stood next to our table, smoking. We called out to let them know they could have it, as we were leaving. They thought we were complaining about the smoke. They yelled at us and stormed off, while the other tables stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 184

Upping the stakes

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a wedding and caught the bouquet. My boyfriend of five years panicked and proposed on the spot, thinking I was hinting at something. I just wanted to catch some flowers, but I had to tell him to get a grip without hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 721

NO DANG CRT IN MY ZONE, BOY

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 06:00

Today, I had to explain racism to my son after some of his school friends were talking about it. Another parent then stormed up to us, pissed off because even though I was explaining how bad racism is, just talking about it is itself racist, and he was offended by me. He made my son cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 259

Great parenting

By VeryLoved - 28/04/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 268

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The Top

Today, I have a huge crush on my best friend who views me as his little sister. My coworker found out and has since been making incest jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 925

You deserved it 1 375

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 920

You deserved it 5 899

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the Heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 352

You deserved it 2 672

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 031

You deserved it 138 444

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 2 672

Today, my boyfriend was eating me out and I was so close to orgasm, but he suddenly stopped because his phone notified him of the football scores. He only stopped for a few seconds to check but the moment was ruined, and even though he got right back down there it just wasn’t happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 286