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What on Earth are you doing?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 16:00

Today, in a bizarre power move, my cousin flashed me her tits. I thought it a mistake and didn’t acknowledge it, until it happened again for much much longer. I was terrified. Prior to this I hadn’t even realized she had fake tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 216

Toxic

By DontheRon - 26/03/2026 20:00

Today, I reported the girl I like’s new boyfriend to be trespassed from our workplace for being disruptive. I’m sick of him coming in and bringing her lunch and acting lovey dovey. My plan successfully worked, he is no longer welcome on the premises, but now half the office hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 239

Boring pandemic

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 06:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I've been off work for 10 days because my Covid test came back void so I had to get tested again. I went back for 3 days, and now I'm Covid positive to have to isolate again. I live by myself and have no pets. I've run out of stuff to watch on Netflix. My only entertainment is my robot vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 207

Outcasts

By Deadpool - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Weaverville

Today, it appears that the cousin who burglarized my house and threatened to kill my wife, daughter, and me during a meth binge is more welcome at a family reunion than we are. We were assured last year by family that this wouldn't happen, because we are "good people who have wronged no one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 294

Let it go

By kko - 16/02/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend still randomly brings up his ex. He told me what kind of dog his ex's grandma has. What the actual fuck? Whenever we’re out in public, he somehow slips her name into the conversation. He's told me he hates her, but mentioned her name at least 3 or 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 17/02/2019 12:00

Today, my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn, sneeze, cough, leave my desk to use the restroom, and on what I eat at lunch, laughing the whole time. It’s driving me crazy. Only 8 more weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 171

Came early

By Benju - 12/02/2022 16:00

Today, I bought Valentine’s Day cupcakes in advance, knowing they were going to be sold out by then. I put them in the fridge, still wrapped in their plastic bag, with a Post-it that said, “Don’t Touch.” Apparently, this didn’t stop my wife from eating all 12 mini cupcakes because she “was hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 190

No means no

By thanks for the support - 25/05/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, my husband has been trying to get me to do something sexual that I’m absolutely 100% against. It’s gotten to the point where we fight and argue about it. I was talking to my sister when my mom overheard. She looked me in the eye and said, “What you won’t do, another woman will.” Thanks, ma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 653

By DingusGinger - 21/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. The best part is that I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 167

By soso96 - 09/08/2013 08:09 - Algeria - Ouargla

Today, due to a spate of burglaries, I updated the security on my house. Latches, locks, gates, I was very proud of my work, because it’s impossible to get in! Then, the front door slammed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 125

Creepy kid

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 22:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 1 024

Thank you for being a friend

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 256

Scheming

By Blood aint shhh - 03/07/2023 12:00

Today, I was supposed to get married. Instead, my sister made up a story about me cheating on my fiancé at the bachelorette party. He bought it and dumped me, despite there being no evidence of this. Turns out it was all a plan because they were secretly seeing each other for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 120

Internalized misogyny

By eyeroll - 08/05/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I had a fight with my husband after I went off on his aunt. We were at her house for a BBQ, she saw me in my casual shorts and tank top, and said to him, “You let her walk out the house like that? She’s a walking rape invitation!” He says she can say whatever she wants since she’s old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 209

Women be shopping, amirite?

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 15:00

Today, we've been saving for months. I thought we were saving for a down payment. Apparently, to my wife, "down payment" means "Amazon Prime Day savings fund." We had over thirty grand, now we've got less than five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 02:00

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 189

You deserved it 292

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 00:30 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I was admonished by a supermarket cashier because my mask had slipped below my nose. So had hers, actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 394

Better off alone

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 06:00

Today, I found out the person I've fallen for is seeing someone else. This isn't a problem. What IS a problem is the fact that I asked her out before they even met, and was told she wasn't ready for a relationship. This happens every time I try to put myself out there and let myself feel anything for anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 385

By mala_19 - 12/06/2017 14:00 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 174

You deserved it 263

By cherknobil - 07/07/2019 00:00

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw. The employees had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 206

Hope there's no dancing involved

By InjuredTriviaNerd - 08/03/2021 23:00 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 129

Don't be an asshole

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 00:30

Today, the only person I know that ever traveled with me told me he doesn't enjoy the experience and thinks I'm an asshole, so I don't have a travel buddy any more. Every affordable trip requires two people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 1 152

No happiness for you

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, my ex had a freakout because she found out I have a new girlfriend. She doesn't want me back or anything, she herself has a new boyfriend. Her issue is she just doesn't want to see me happy with someone else. Apparently, I'm supposed to just stop existing now that she's done with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 136

Baby Daddy

By Anonymous - 15/06/2022 12:00

Today, and ever since she got pregnant, my girlfriend has been hinting that one of her great-grandfathers was black, so there’s a chance our son may be black too. I wasn’t suspicious before, but she has mentioned it so often I’m starting to think it’s less a great grandad and more a baby daddy issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 137

How did you screw up so bad?

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 04:00

Today, after I made a new Google/YouTube account a couple of weeks ago, I failed to realize that the name I made on YouTube also relates back to my Gmail. I've been sending professional, work-related emails under the name of "Poop McNugget." FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 982

Tarred

By RetailJocky - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled on my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 342

Never go public

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 20:00

Today, I learned to keep your posts private on social media. Your boss might find your Facebook status updates saying, “I hate this shitty 9-5, I want to be on a beach with a margarita.” I got a call from him saying, “You’re terminated from the shitty 9-5, so you don’t have to anymore. Enjoy the beach!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 2 762

By Anonymous - 16/08/2019 12:00

Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 140

Childlike

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 23:01 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, during an argument between me and my boyfriend, he called for his mom. She came up and told us both off and told us to stop screaming, as if we were kids. We are both well over 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 1 249

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The Top

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 282

You deserved it 7 681

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 2 591

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 93

Today, I had the most amazing lesbian sex of my life with this girl I had been crushing on for so long. Today is also the day I became practically homeless, courtesy of my parents, who apparently never heard of knocking before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 399

Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 180

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 239