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Unfortunate coincidences

By FBI1236 - 07/07/2019 20:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 720

You deserved it 235

Body issues

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 347

People have lists?!

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 230

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 02:01

Today, I revealed to my parents that I'm planning on opening a food truck in the next few months. They both laughed in my face and said I'll never make any money. I've been working on this for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 142

Loud and long

By Anonymous - 01/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I'm stuck with sleeping in the same room as my mother. The problem? Her snores are extremely loud and a full minute long. I'm not kidding, I timed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 00:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 443

Alexa, play "Australia" by Manic Street Preachers

By Anonymous - 27/04/2023 15:00

Today, I was offered an incredible career opportunity in Australia, so I’d have to emigrate. It has an unbelievable pay rise too, but my husband has so many phobias of spiders, snakes, and so on, that he’s threatening to divorce me if I go, because he isn’t setting foot in Australia even to visit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 180

By Alex - 10/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Richardson

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 573

You deserved it 548

Burn unit

By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Arcade

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 222

Sorry little buddy

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 06:00

Today, during quite vigorous unprotected sex with my partner, I got a bit over-excited and on the pullout, my ejaculate shot from me, across my partner, and hit the dog who had decided to jump on the bed. My partner found it hilarious; I feel like I'm going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 594

Dexter? Is that you?

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 18:00

Today, I apparently didn’t teach my son the difference between defending himself from bullies and knocking out the bully's teeth, breaking his nose, cracking his ribs, and grinding his fingers under his boot until the bone splintered. Yes, the cops are involved and my ex-wife blames me, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 297

Parenting is tricky

By Anonymous - 11/06/2023 22:00

Today, I have a friend who forbids their kid from any sort of social media, internet, or way to communicate. Other than school, they have no social life. Yet, they seem happy and like life is amazing. My kid has all of it and I thought I was just being a good parent, but they are depressed as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 954

By emeraldapostle - 27/04/2019 00:00

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 159

People are people

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 08:02 - Netherlands - Almere

Today, after almost 2 months of working from home alone, I was out walking and heard 2 guys talking. One was sitting in his car smoking weed; the other was standing next to the car telling him how he was tested positive today. Maybe not mention you are Covid positive when you're not supposed to be in public at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 168

Unmatched

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom - Buckie

Today, my girlfriend of three months broke up with me. Her reason? I'm "not interesting." I said things that might have led to a conversation, she would say "yeah" to everything. She argued about stuff I said that she didn't like; called my mates cunts; didn't let me have female mates. All her mates are lads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 296

Stalking

By Idiot32 - 25/05/2019 02:00

Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 2 747

Benny Goodman classic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 197

The joys of public transportation

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 04:56

Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 246

Banned

By Helen - 22/03/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom

Today, while showing my mum how to make a TikTok, she not only found the masturbation video I made to send to my husband while he’s away for work, she accidentally managed to post it to TikTok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 1 552

Fashionably Late

By blindedbythelight - 02/09/2017 04:28 - United States - Orlando

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 194

You deserved it 361

I'm outta here

By Not your maid - 23/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend screamed at me for not cleaning his son's bedroom. The kid is 13 years-old, and there's nothing physically or mentally wrong with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 101

By prisym - 30/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 415

You deserved it 804

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 182

Better Call Saul

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 05:00

Today, apparently according to my parents, since they raised me, it gives them the right to use the money I worked hard for, and there’s nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 129

Light sentence

By ClumsyTeen - 14/05/2021 05:57 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 2 235

Family bliss

By Teo - 26/11/2023 12:00 - New Zealand

Today, and most nights, my 17 year-old twins scream and shout while playing Fortnite. I asked if they could kindly not tonight, as I was tired and needed sleep. One told me I couldn't tell him to get off, he's allowed to play. I turned the WiFi off, which ended up with the other screaming and swearing how unfair i was. Now I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 310

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 04:01

Today, I moved out a few weeks ago because I was sick of my husband not helping around the house, and told him he’d never manage without me. I checked today while he was at work. The house is the cleanest I’ve ever seen it; apparently he doesn’t need me and most of the mess was actually mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 3 620

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 868

Teenage kicks

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 12:30

Today, my girlfriend gave me a wedgie and got her sister to take a pic. My boxers broke. I had that pair since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 1 171

Pantomime

By Anonymous - 31/01/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and my mother's hatred of each other has got so bad, I wasn’t aware of why until now. She was his headmistress in high school, then they had an affair while he was at university, shortly before he met me at a Starbucks and dumped her without knowing I was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 98

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The Top

Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 833

You deserved it 1 770

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 857

You deserved it 3 837

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 197

Today, I’m the only one in my family who's ever taken Covid seriously. This seemed to really annoy my siblings, so much so that they chased me, pulled off my mask, and dramatically coughed all over me. We’re all adults and though they found it hilarious, I’ve been having panic attacks all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 459

Today, after my dad recently had to go sober or face dying within a year, it turns out that without the alcohol, his personality still sucks. He used to be a drunk asshole, but now he’s just an asshole. At least when he was drunk he used to pass out. Now he can be an asshole all night without stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 104

Today, I wrote an entire 400 multiple question paper, only for the internet to reconnect at the end, getting the entire paper getting reset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 139