The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By piper55 - 10/05/2019 14:00

Today, for the first time in a month, I talked to someone in person besides my grandmother and my husband. It was a store clerk calling me "Miss" and asking if I was finding everything okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 316

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 06:00

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 937

You deserved it 256

By TheCure - 01/05/2017 21:00 - France - Paris

Today, I forgot to pick up my grandmother at the train station. My mother was livid. My father, moved, told me, “for the first time in my life, I’m proud of you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 706

You deserved it 723

Justice returned

By So fireddddd - 20/07/2023 00:02

Today, me and my coworkers were making fun of this girl we work with. I drew an ugly but funny picture of her and thought it was fun to email it around the office. I sent it to a coworker named Joann. Or so I thought. I actually sent it to another Joann, who is one of the directors of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 3 151

Tasty

By chew toy - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 579

You deserved it 971

Twang

By Anonymous - 14/04/2022 02:00

Today, I snapped my banjo string while vigorously masturbating. I was so ashamed, I told the doctor I did it during sex, but I could tell they didn’t believe me. I want to curl up and die but that hurts my stitches, so I guess I’ll have to lie flat on my back and die instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 1 533

So, are you in or are you out?

By The Fishing Pole - 15/06/2017 18:00

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 776

You deserved it 811

A few good men?

By notthe1punchinglittlegirls - 01/07/2017 14:00

Today, I was visiting my in-laws and sharing a room with my husband's 17-year-old sister. Later that night she and her brother of 24 years started fist-fighting over an air mattress and I had to pull them off each other. The brother later berated me with, "You can't handle any pressure!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 217

You deserved it 396

By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - 25/07/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomited on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "Little Miss Nervous" during my second interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 217

You deserved it 567

By cait - 26/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 220

By Turbo - 17/06/2019 02:23

Today, as a truck driver, I was flipped off, cursed at, told to go to hell and several other obscenities because I was a half-hour EARLY to my delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 172

Overreaching

By Anonymous - 11/05/2021 00:01

Today, I was told I can’t wear a nose ring at my new job because several customers "don’t like it." It’s a very small nose ring and the job is a shack that serves food through a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 382

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 307

Thanks for the support, guys!

By pinkpanther61789 - 17/10/2019 14:00

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 151

Stop going on about it

By Msrebound - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, even my 11-year-old noticed how much my boyfriend constantly reminisces about his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 256

You deserved it 694

Naughty girl

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 22:00 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 023

You deserved it 508

Death Grips

By Anonymous - 03/03/2020 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I knew my girlfriend's dad owned a security company. What I did not know was that he treats his employees like family, so my girlfriend has about 40 scary uncles who’ve known her since she was a baby, and most of them are ex-military. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 129

You deserved it 413

Friendzone 2.0

By NeverNumberOne - 23/04/2018 01:30

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 930

You deserved it 761

Every little helps

By Anonymous - 21/04/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that my grandmother desecrated my grandfather's grave. 14 years after his death, she dug up his body and had him cremated so that she could sell his plot back to the cemetery for money. I was the one who found out so I had to tell the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 234

Everyone's a Critic

By Kitten - 19/06/2018 15:00

Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 994

You deserved it 677

Experts, schmexperts

By Kitkat - 02/05/2020 14:00

Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 133

The grudge

By Anonymous - 06/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was told by a former coworker that my former boss still talks about me being lazy, ever since the time I refused to do a few things on third shift when there was me and 2 other people working. I haven't worked there in 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 247

Red flag day

By ConfusedAndHurt1997 - 25/11/2022 04:00

Today, there was an Instagram post featuring a couple’s vacation spot, saying, “Tag the one you’d love to share this vacation with.” My boyfriend tagged his friend he swears is “one of the guys”. Everytime I confront him over these red flags, he says I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 224

By Elizabeth Ann - 19/08/2018 03:30

Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 353

By Tick - 20/08/2018 22:35

Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 662

You deserved it 243

I'm never coming out of here

By hcditfi5foygy - 31/08/2018 20:30

Today, I went to my dorm's community bathroom to do my business. After releasing the Kraken, as I was wiping, I accidentally let go of the toilet paper. Instead of the toilet, it hit the floor in the next stall. Someone was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 580

No rest for the wicked

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 02:00

Today, our youngest daughter bought her first house and moved out, meaning all three of our kids are now gone, so we can relax and gracefully grow old together, right? Nope. Barely an hour later, my wife showed me a positive pregnancy test. In nine months we have to start all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 968

Rollercoaster

By thathoe - 13/11/2021 02:00 - United States - Cloquet

Today, I found I’m pregnant. I hooked up with my ex when my now boyfriend and I had broken up for a week. My ex doesn’t want kids. It’s most likely my ex's kid. My boyfriend has now proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 2 950

It's not permanent

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 02:02

Today, I have really big insecurities, and the ONLY thing I like about myself is my hair. I got it permed yesterday, and just now I used shampoo on it, and my hair is falling out. All 12” of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 369

A tale as old as time

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 02:01

Today, my wife and I used to have sex at least 5 times a week, but since we said "I DO" at our wedding I’m lucky to get a shag once a month, and you can forget about blowjobs, I’ve not had one since before the wedding. Nothing about our life has changed to cause this, except we’re married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 394

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Friends Holidays Annoying

The Top

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 3 492

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 433

You deserved it 33 544

Today, my boyfriend was laying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passion in his eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me that he loved me. Instead, he said, "You have a booger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 533

You deserved it 4 071

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 595

You deserved it 607

Today, my wife rushed out of the house, stated she had to hurry to Costco, asked me for money after talking shit to me. She left our house a mess while I’m working from home. When I called her to give her a list of things to pick up, she was cleaning her friends’s house and taking care of her friend’s kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 482

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. My fiancé was beaming with joy. However, I’m not sure if he’s the father because I recently had hate sex/quickie with my ex-boyfriend, who is also my coworker. I wish the Earth would swallow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 1 363