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FML Shitflix - Guess the Film!

By FML Approved - 11/07/2017 18:30 - France - Paris

We are pleased to introduce the latest addition to the FML video library: SHITFLIX! Listen carefully to the actors in this mashup of clips to figure out what movie they're describing. If you manage to guess right before the end, comment below!

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out my mom booked me a flight to stay with relatives who I don't like, and who don't like me. I leave in two days, and don't return until the day before school starts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 158

Pleasant

By asdfghjkl - 07/04/2018 19:00

Today, it took me four tries to find the right position to swipe my debit card. My mom screamed, "Oh, for God's sake, why don't you ever get it right the FIRST time?" She then apologized to the cashier for having "such a stupid child." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 111

You deserved it 934

By lizard - 24/01/2009 19:47 - Canada

Today, my dad walked in to the arena where I was watching a hockey game with my boyfriend and his friends. My dad was wearing a crazy grey mohawk wig/hat. Meanwhile, my boyfriend just finished telling me how embarassing it would be to be that guy's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 211

You deserved it 2 147

There's a Brendon Burns joke in there somewhere

By Fucking, Impossible - 23/12/2022 18:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was attacked with the classic "I fucked your mom" joke. I calmly informed the troll that my mom is 51, obese, still married to my father after 20+ years, and, most importantly, had a life-saving hysterectomy when I was five. He still insisted that he did the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 1 257

Unsuitable suitor

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 18:30

Today, during a family reunion, my daughter accused me of being a racist because I won't let her date a black guy. I do not have a racist bone in my body, but this dude is an actual gang member, and he has killed people before. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 086

You deserved it 222

Sinners, the lot of you

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 04:00

Spicy

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants, and he screamed, "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 685

You deserved it 463

By Anonymous - 14/09/2018 20:30 - United States - Edinburg

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 097

You deserved it 229

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 05:01

Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 308

Fun times

By Anonymous - 14/10/2018 22:00

Today, I arrived at the house we rented for my sister's engagement party. I was also told that I have to sleep in the most cramped bedroom with my uncle, who sounds like a mortally wounded warthog when he snores. I paid for the rental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 061

You deserved it 312

By Ouijake - 04/01/2017 00:15

Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 546

You deserved it 3 553

No, Drake, no

By dumb cats - 24/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 738

WTF Mom?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my mom got drunk and told me that the man I have called dad for the past 27 years isn't my real father. Oh and don't say anything to him about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 709

You deserved it 423

Simple plan

By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Spicy

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 16/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Frederick

Today, I didn't think getting egged was a thing anymore until I found that my car got egged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 352

You deserved it 450

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 535

By adopted apparently - 23/03/2019 12:00

Today, I found out the joke I’ve been telling for 15 years is true. I am adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 384

Does not spark joy

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 15:00

Today, my girlfriend gave away my $2000 desktop computer while I was at work. When I confronted her, she said, "You have a laptop, use that instead." I thought the difference between a high-end gaming PC and a work laptop was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 195

By :-O - 14/04/2019 12:00

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 224

By Awkwarddinner - 06/04/2017 12:30

Today, the cute receptionist at a restaurant asked for our coats. I call my trench coat my "tent", due to its size. When I handed it over, I jokingly said, "I have a tent for you!" She started blushing and stuttering, and it wasn't until later that I realized "tent" is a synonym for "boner". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 033

You deserved it 2 502

Leveritas tells us more.

Leveritas 12

Wednesday 5 April 2017 18:42

OP here. Didn't think this would have posted, let alone so quickly. I spent the first half of my evening thinking about what I may have said wrong. Do you know a 'realization' moment, like in the cartoons? That's what it felt like. She didn't make eye contact with me the entire evening, and I felt terrible afterwards. Also yes, pitching a tent is correct, but it was both translated from Dutch and close enough for it to be extremely awkward. My friends couldn't stop laughing though.

Micromanagement

By Anonymous - 14/06/2023 03:00

Today, my son screamed at me to fuck off. Apparently, because he only gets one day off a week, he’s sick of me saving up all my projects and forcing him to help me on that one day. He’s now barricaded himself in his room with a big DO IT YOURSELF on the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 2 794

Run Away

By dman92 - 09/04/2017 14:24

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 787

You deserved it 394

By Momo8612 - 21/04/2017 12:00

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 711

You deserved it 307

By TriangularBanana - 10/12/2016 22:50 - United States - Houston

Today, I babysat my little cousin. He thought that a glue stick would have the same effect as chapstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 808

You deserved it 764

By sadCowboysfan - 07/12/2016 16:37

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 255

You deserved it 611

sadCowboysfan tells us more.

sadCowboysfan 20

Thursday 8 December 2016 19:01

Hi all, OP here, I actually got kinda lucky since my bf, who was going to the gym later, brought the flip flops that he wears in the school shower and he gave me those. So I didn't have to go the whole day totally barefoot but it was still kinda cold. On the bright side, this experience forced me to get over my dislike of wearing sandals/flip flops in public so that's good. Anyway, thanks for the suggestions and funny comments!

By boyBYE - 16/11/2016 23:30 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 411

You deserved it 967

Star Bores

By theDarkandtheLight - 11/06/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 614

By lunchbox2353 - 30/07/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 399

"Pooping and Shit"

By everybodypoops - 02/08/2017 20:00

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 900

You deserved it 557

By Farah - 26/09/2016 14:42 - Bangladesh

Today, I e-mailed an employer to ask about a job I had applied for earlier. The employer in question was on vacation. The person who replied had the position which I had applied for mentioned in their signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 794

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Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 113

You deserved it 2 653

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 536

You deserved it 2 830

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 613

You deserved it 6 641

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 3 446

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 048

You deserved it 6 618

Today, the older I get, the more I realise I married a clone of Al Bundy, right down to the sticking of his hand down his pants, the refusal to have sex with me except under protest, and the toilet he built in the garage only he is allowed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 259