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Hi everyone-OP here. In answer to some of the questions: - My backpack is silver and pretty small. I use it instead of a handbag because I'm prone to losing bags that aren't strapped to me through putting them down and leaving them places. - The date was pretty standard- drinks and a meal at a cool bar. Nothing crazy in the backpack! - The doors are curved on the tubes here. In addition, we were literally packed in so close that I could have had full intercourse with like 5 strangers where I was standing. I thought I was clear of the door but apparently not. I laughed it off and she was very sympathetic. My head feels okay now but I did have a bit of a headache for a while! - Other than that, we had a fun date but we didn't really click and we've agreed to just be friends. Thanks for all the comments!

Do not pass Go

By andjusticeforall - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

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By lonely - 08/09/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend blocked me from every form of contact. He told my friend that we broke up, but never told me. I still have his clothes in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 193

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By maaaryy - 07/01/2009 05:53 - France

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 220

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Go for it, Susan!

By NotHungryAnymore - 01/03/2016 15:46 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boss is now so comfortable with me that she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she goes digging for gold in her nose through every conversation we have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 840

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By hail - 27/12/2018 20:00

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 905

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By Soso96 - 08/08/2010 23:20 - Algeria

Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 310

Wars of the Stars

By Sarge9774 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that my uncle does not like my step-daughter because she likes Star Wars. He stated that Star Trek was better, and went on to verbally attack a 6-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 112

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By Naulwenn - 23/06/2016 04:25 - France - Groslay

Today, my divorced parents have started sending each other photos of both of my bedrooms, to, “compare the shambles and see who wins.“ FML

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Goodbye phone

By so jealous - 27/04/2020 05:00

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

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Are you doing OK?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 13:21 - Netherlands - Ottersum

Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 933

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By in pain and tardy - 11/03/2016 23:00 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I arrived early so I could check in with the receptionists about this weird communication mixup that's caused me to miss my last two appointments. Despite what my appointment card said, I arrived to find the office closed. FML

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Wheeeeeee!

By womanoski - 20/02/2016 17:56 - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

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By hateskool888581 - 12/01/2010 00:28 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

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By Baby Face - 16/01/2017 15:03

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

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You deserved it 498

No kinkshaming, but…

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 22:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 277

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Breaking news: bratwurst mayhem!

By Anonymous - 31/01/2017 10:39 - United States - Madison

Today, having forgotten my knife at home, I nervously took a bite of my cheesy brat at work. It didn’t splatter on my clothes like I worried it would, but it did splatter all over my desk, keyboard, computer screen, and paperwork. I can't get the cheese out from under the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 904

You deserved it 2 353

sarcasmismyno1 tells us more.

sarcasmismyno1 22

Tuesday 31 January 2017 6:34

OP here. It happened. No apologies, lesson learned. Welcome to WI life. It's different up here, ya know.

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 22:00

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 805

You deserved it 726

By Ugh - 13/12/2016 14:39

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 223

You deserved it 534

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Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 627

You deserved it 5 392

Today, I took a nap while babysitting my neighbor's kids for the day. I was woken up by an obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair stuck down in his shorts, jumping around like a horse. Oh, and a semi-bald patch on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 575

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Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML

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Today, while working as an Uber driver, I asked my passenger for directions and she didn’t know. She was going to her own house. FML

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Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML

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You deserved it 185

Today, after spending two hours baking cookies for my niece's school's fundraiser, I packed them into a container and drove to the school. When I got there, the teacher looked confused and said the fundraiser was next Saturday. By the time the actual date arrived, every cookie had been eaten by my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 309