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By Anonymous - 01/04/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 904

You deserved it 8 045

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 01:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 414

You deserved it 2 932

School project

By ninaaaa - 24/02/2014 00:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 823

You deserved it 4 024

Let the ground open up and swallow me

By neelloc83 - 02/03/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said, "We're not ready for our table yet." Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend, who I've met several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 68 136

By shitty situation - 28/01/2013 23:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 2 998

By Becky - 11/05/2015 20:54 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 2 390

By goddamitme - 21/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 157

You deserved it 12 940

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 899

You deserved it 20 252

Dogsbody

By tee - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 928

You deserved it 2 032

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 684

You deserved it 7 916

Crossing a line

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 19:25 - United States - Wapakoneta

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 044

You deserved it 3 369

By crapules - 23/12/2008 04:18 - France

Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 008

You deserved it 3 719

By Sybille - 06/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend was laying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passion in his eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me that he loved me. Instead, he said, "You have a booger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 533

You deserved it 4 071

By Sara - 25/02/2016 07:39 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that I fell asleep standing up, lost my balance and faceplanted the floor right in front of our tour guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 244

You deserved it 5 801

Bucket list goals

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 415

You deserved it 2 566

OPEN UP!

By forgetful - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, our family bought a new car. When we got home, I opened the trunk to get my backpack. It turns out I left it in the trunk of our trade-in. The dealership is closed now and I have a presentation due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 676

You deserved it 6 967

By Florida - 27/10/2010 18:46 - United States

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 151

You deserved it 2 943

By jayne_dhoe - 22/11/2009 07:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 5 498

By annabellatrix - 14/09/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Spicy

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 688

You deserved it 2 414

By parched - 02/11/2009 17:30 - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 828

You deserved it 3 274

By Anonymous - 07/07/2017 18:53 - United States - Quitman

Today, my phone ran out of space, so I downloaded an app to store all my photos online. After everything transferred, I deleted the 1,000+ photos from my phone, along with the "recently deleted" file since it was also taking up space. The app is now empty of all "downloaded photos". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 944

You deserved it 2 893

By TheComedyAudio - 23/10/2016 17:13

Today, on my 18th birthday, I was mugged by 6 guys who beat the shit out of me and stole my phone and wallet. They could've just asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 090

You deserved it 753

TheComedyAudio tells us more.

TheComedyAudio 29

Monday 24 October 2016 14:19

Holy ******* shit, this story got published. Anyway, the police weren't able to do anything because they all ran off and were wearing hoodies that covered their faces. The police officer was very kind and did the best he could. My nose is swollen and my eyes are heavily bruised, but other than that I should be fine within the next few weeks. Thanks yall c:

By yper - 27/10/2009 16:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party, but when I went to it, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 847

You deserved it 7 392

By Anonymous - 03/10/2016 14:09 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, while working the Sunday rush at the deli, I held up a piece of ham to a blind customer and asked him if it was thick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 230

You deserved it 3 593

By Typrokka - 22/10/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 170

You deserved it 32 223

By wellfuck - 15/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 142

You deserved it 2 285

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex-girlfriend who never moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 454

You deserved it 2 898

Busted

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 965

You deserved it 2 862

By karmaiguess - 18/10/2018 03:00

Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 385

You deserved it 5 247

By its dark - 07/01/2016 23:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's day three of our power being off because of a glitch in the power company's computer system. They won't turn it back on until we pay the $2000 we owe from 2010. We moved here in 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 381

You deserved it 1 318

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Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 594

You deserved it 14 280

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 311

You deserved it 3 496

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 951

You deserved it 14 895

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 139

You deserved it 25 559

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 401

You deserved it 3 530

Dance like nobody's watching!

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 109