Animals: Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having...

By birthdayfun - 23/03/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 39

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

0___0 9

Tuesday 24 March 2009 9:07

Was it your 16th birthday at least? D:

uhnonnuhmus 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 10:26

To get revenge, just throw the stray cat into the shower with your mom someday. Then run like hell.

Comments

genesis357 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:35

#10~~ GREAT idea!!!!

westsideknight 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 16:50

hahaha.....Brilliant

awkard576 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 5:20

Um. Hope it was happy?

CeeJay99 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 15:28

This is why i had my rescued cat declawed.

lifeislife_fml 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 23:24

Aw, the eye chart should have the letters "FML" on it!

areveillon_fml 3

Monday 8 June 2009 2:36

Excellent

noodles_200 0

Friday 12 June 2009 6:16

parents are tarded i feal sorry for u ylf

B_C_N10 0

Friday 12 June 2009 13:35

#2 thats hilarious!!!!! KENLEY COLLINS! i didnt like her much either! WEL HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! hope all they healed well!!!!!

danceydancetime 0

Saturday 13 June 2009 5:50

cool, mom! at least you got to hold this against her for good gifts, right?

haylieejae 0

Saturday 13 June 2009 19:10

hahaha, that's nice. how do you make illustrated FMLs? i want to make one!!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Dogs Delivery Wake up Work Food Language Cooking Annoying Bikes Transportation Embarrassing Technology NSFW Sex Intimacy Awkward Healthy Lifestyle Poopoo peepee Kids Cats Animals Gross Video games Gamers Divorce Music Cars Growing old

The Top

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 7 170

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 210

You deserved it 2 516

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 8 947

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 168

Today, I was at the laundromat doing laundry with my mom when the guy running the place asked if we were "together". I thought this was just because of Covid and social distancing, but it turns out he thought my mom was my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 104

Today, my friend, who is dating an ex of mine, posted a story on her Instagram of their dating history. Met in 2020; First Date: 2021; Became Official: 2022. I introduced them in 2020 and he broke up with the, “It’s not you it’s me” excuse in 2022. I feel like she put a dagger through my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 115