Love: Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once...

By jakewr - 02/07/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

agreeclassic 33 354

vote type 1 19 860

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By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

agreeclassic 22 326

vote type 1 5 141

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

agreeclassic 11 110

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By anonymous - 05/05/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 29 395

vote type 1 59 729

Smooth talker

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 07:59

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me 'his Kit Kat' like he normally does, he called me his 'Kit Kat Chunky.' When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

agreeclassic 888

vote type 1 327

By Phoenix0614 - 25/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

agreeclassic 28 443

vote type 1 7 326

By newlyengaged - 08/01/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

agreeclassic 6 897

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By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

agreeclassic 9 663

vote type 1 33 255

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

agreeclassic 1 036

vote type 1 134

Man vs. Machine

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I spent way too long battling a vending machine that ate my dollar but didn’t give me my snack. After shaking it, kicking it, and practically hugging it, I finally gave up. As I walked away in defeat, it dropped the snack. I rushed back to claim my prize… and the janitor grabbed it before I could. FML

agreeclassic 435

vote type 1 106

Damn

By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

agreeclassic 34 178

vote type 1 4 152

DJR_fml 2

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:57

Mmmm kitkats

chefinheels88 5

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:58

I'd reevaluate your marriage

Comments

iloveparc 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:39

maybe you shoild marry a kit kat bar

lorafadora 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:50

you have a problem!!

iHateThisLife 10

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:39

that's pretty sad man.

Mxpxdude189 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 13:41

Maybe you married the wrong person.

Thrasher91 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 18:06

And why didn't you say no at the altar instead of whining about your relationship on fml?

justbigbs 6

Monday 4 July 2011 4:53

Lucky bastard, ummmm kit kats

Beast_Hoff 0

Monday 4 July 2011 6:33

Your destiny is to become that trident layers commercial guy! except with KitKat

cheetahcake19 0

Monday 4 July 2011 7:51

Marriage counseling? Self reflection? Lol I can't imagine kit kats being better than being tied to the man I love.

RebeccaLynnBoch 0

Monday 4 July 2011 8:15

FAIL! Your gonna get fat and their gonna divorce you anyways,,so what's the big deal? KITKATSFORLIFE!!!XD

tchaikovsky93 0

Monday 4 July 2011 10:03

Well, that IS pretty exciting.

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Today, I found out that a new coworker was spreading false rumours about me. I confronted her. and she basically ran to management and said I intimidated her even though other colleagues discredited her claims. She now continues spreading the rumours with her fake intimidation charges on top of it all. FML

agreeclassic 946

vote type 1 104

Today, I got gifted a US MRE Menu 4 Cheese and Veggie Omelette, despite the fact that this crap has been discontinued by the government, as well as probably expired, as a "Thank you for your service" gift. I thought they'd gotten rid of this crap. FML

agreeclassic 558

vote type 1 123

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

agreeclassic 125 465

vote type 1 14 007

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

agreeclassic 43 451

vote type 1 9 242

Today, my live-in mother-in-law gave away the family dog because it’s "one less mouth to feed." Last week, she "accidentally" threw away the mail, thinking it was junk mail. No matter how hard I try to convince my wife to kick her out, she tells me, "But that’s my mother, though." FML

agreeclassic 1 404

vote type 1 163

Today, I went without my phone all day, because my roommate moved it. Because I'd left it in the fridge. On top of a bucket of KFC. Which he ate. FML

agreeclassic 272

vote type 1 903