Love: Surprise, MFer!

Surprise, MFer!

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 23:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

agreeclassic 26 498

vote type 1 13 101

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Pleased to meet you

By Homeless without superbowl - 16/02/2023 16:00

Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML

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By thenewgirl - 06/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

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Nice of you

By Anonymous - 30/07/2010 04:26 - United States

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

agreeclassic 16 078

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By Reeen - 03/06/2016 22:29 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

agreeclassic 17 711

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

agreeclassic 42 900

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Wrong place, wrong time

By lug_nut - 06/01/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/04/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML

agreeclassic 4 363

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By killmenow - 19/02/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

agreeclassic 64 329

vote type 1 3 500

Timeshare

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 02:00

Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML

agreeclassic 819

vote type 1 341

By TCRII - 19/01/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

agreeclassic 1 429

vote type 1 3 857

schwancy 2

Thursday 16 September 2010 9:26

How sweet of her to fancy up your house for your parent's visit.

manforgot 1

Thursday 16 September 2010 9:20

Ew, the herpes of craft supplies. Good luck cleaning that up.

Comments

apple767 0

Friday 24 September 2010 21:19

glitter? good luck cleaning that up.

BrightSidegirl82 0

Sunday 10 October 2010 11:43

were you dating Ke$ha?

xxxbooxxx 16

Wednesday 10 November 2010 15:58

I like you're beard.. :)

Aim4thebullseye 4

Wednesday 5 January 2011 3:27

Quick check your bath tub ke$sha could still be there!! But hide all ur alcohol first she might use it to brush her teeth!!!!!!!!!1111!!one1!

TiffyterroriZe 9

Sunday 24 April 2011 0:37

it's called a vacuum

sharkwkrox 0

Friday 29 April 2011 3:36

win.

Lily_Loretta 0

Saturday 30 April 2011 22:24

That's fan-friggin-tastic!

ermkrmr 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 9:24

I have a better quote! "glitter all over the room, pink flamingos in the pool" -Katy perry TGIF

alliebaba7 8

Monday 2 January 2012 3:05

Glitter? WHA!?

Damnedlover1 0

Thursday 8 March 2012 16:46

Just say you were baby-sitting:)

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my wife wanted to spice things up by making a sex tape. Not sure if it was excitement or just the pressure of being on camera, but the whole thing was less than 4 minutes, including foreplay and apologising, and due to bad camera placement most of the film was of my asshole. FML

agreeclassic 528

vote type 1 216

Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML

agreeclassic 298

vote type 1 180

Today, I had to take my horribly misogynistic grandad to get his car repaired. After it was done, he realised the repair had been done by a female mechanic, so he refused to pay or leave until a “proper mechanic” checked over his car to make sure she hadn’t fucked it up. FML

agreeclassic 542

vote type 1 116

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

agreeclassic 47 105

vote type 1 14 104

Today, my boyfriend's recently mated tarantula disappeared from her enclosure with her egg sac, so she's now somewhere in the house with between 20 and 100 babies hatching within a week. I moved out this afternoon. My boyfriend caused this, he can damn well find her before I set foot in there again. FML

agreeclassic 1 194

vote type 1 140

Today, while drinking with my siblings, my brother said out loud at the pub: “I have to go…wipe better”, then he fucked off and didn’t come back. FML

agreeclassic 771

vote type 1 131