Intimacy: Sounds nice

Sounds nice

By sugarbeet - 04/12/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

agreeclassic 32 243

vote type 1 3 961

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Similar FMLs

By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

agreeclassic 27 846

vote type 1 2 788

By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

agreeclassic 41 473

vote type 1 4 239

By Erik Aleckson - 05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

agreeclassic 1 882

vote type 1 139

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 44 784

vote type 1 6 023

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

agreeclassic 29 960

vote type 1 3 080

Tough road ahead

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

agreeclassic 29 316

vote type 1 2 584

Make it stop

By firstandlastjob - 13/06/2020 14:11

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

agreeclassic 1 892

vote type 1 219

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

agreeclassic 28 526

vote type 1 5 869

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

agreeclassic 34 714

vote type 1 3 683

Alpha male behavior

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

agreeclassic 51 287

vote type 1 6 645

MsSoulReaper 27

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:17

Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/

sskarma23 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:18

Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!

Comments

TBelle4Ever 15

Monday 30 July 2012 16:48

LMTO- Laugh My **** Off

BiNeko 12

Friday 31 August 2012 5:07

It's lieutenant Dan!! =D

newochinwag 8

Sunday 1 June 2014 20:42

Why is this an FML?! Awesome story!

syed121417 22

Tuesday 2 September 2014 5:02

And the fact that he has no legs makes the situation worse why? Poor guy

hl2701 10

Sunday 9 October 2016 4:23

Lieutenant Dan, is that you?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, as always, my mother hates my life choices. Particularly my hair for some reason. As she's always whinging about it being dyed blonde, I dyed it back to my natural colour again to appease her, and stop the constant bullying. She hates it. FML

agreeclassic 1 721

vote type 1 219

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

agreeclassic 1 031

vote type 1 123

Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML

agreeclassic 9 676

vote type 1 64 684

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

agreeclassic 36 866

vote type 1 4 245

Today, my 3 year old daughter's Halloween costume finally got delivered. FML

agreeclassic 26 009

vote type 1 2 109

Today, I told my husband that a guy I work with told me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever met. My husband replied, "He needs to get out more." FML

agreeclassic 41 678

vote type 1 5 764