Kids, Parenting and Sex: Playa - FML

Playa

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, on the subject of sex, I asked my son if he uses precautions and he promised me he always gives the ladies a fake name and fake mobile phone number, like dad told him to. I might have several grandbabies I’m never going to meet, and my husband and I are going to be having words. FML

agreeclassic 1 544

vote type 1 292

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He gets around

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 00:00

Spicy

Today, I did an actual double take when my son complained about having to block the phone number of his most recent one-night stand when she got pregnant, but luckily he gave her a fake name, so he doesn’t have to delete his Facebook. How many grandkids do I have out there you little prick? FML

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Incognito IRL

By Stressed out mom - 07/03/2018 01:30

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/07/2023 03:00

Today, I asked my son about girls and stuff and he told me he’s probably never going to date. I asked him why, and it turns out he’s afraid of being sent to jail if she makes any sort of false allegation against him. I told him not all women are like that, he told me I’m either naive or lying. FML

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Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

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Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

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Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent a good few minutes watching my wife thrash our son with a pillow because despite all our warnings to him about safe sex, he and his girlfriend are going to be parents in about 6 months, and they’re both 16. FML

agreeclassic 568

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By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

agreeclassic 67 575

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By Teeny - 09/03/2010 21:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

agreeclassic 41 102

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By anonymous - 25/01/2016 14:09 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

agreeclassic 24 101

vote type 1 2 041

Bad student at the school of life

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML

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No sex for you

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

agreeclassic 1 133

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

DanielleinDC 33

Monday 28 February 2022 13:22

I'm sorry you married and gave birth to a total jerk. Hopefully he's sterile or the women are using birth control.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 February 2022 14:30

Don't worry, if he does impregnate someone, he'll end up on "Maury" soon enough.

Comments

DanielleinDC 33

Monday 28 February 2022 13:22

I'm sorry you married and gave birth to a total jerk. Hopefully he's sterile or the women are using birth control.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 February 2022 14:30

Don't worry, if he does impregnate someone, he'll end up on "Maury" soon enough.

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Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

agreeclassic 13 293

vote type 1 32 087

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

agreeclassic 51 999

vote type 1 3 385

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him, all because I shaved my legs on a Wednesday. FML

agreeclassic 14 161

vote type 1 1 284

Today, I came home to find my husband’s disgusting pig of a sister let herself in while we were at work and decided to take a nap in our bed. Not only did she not ask to visit, she left a huge smelly period stain on my favorite sheets. No apology, no attempt to clean up. I didn’t give her a key. FML

agreeclassic 1 797

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Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

agreeclassic 57 696

vote type 1 7 363

Today, me, my sister, and my boyfriend all live together. It’s time to renew the lease. They used this as an opportunity to let me know that they’ve fallen in love and I will not be on the new lease. Our parents died in a car accident last year and I have no other family who will take me in. My sister knows this. FML

agreeclassic 1 243

vote type 1 121