Intimacy Pet detective

Pet detective

badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Good boy

Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

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PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

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Busted by Detective Dog

ash - 04/01/2011 21:09 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

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Get back here!

frenchie12 - 24/03/2019 02:00

Today, I hooked up with a girl. The condom fell off when I pulled out. When the girl left, I couldn't find it. I saw my roommate cat's with it, so I chased him and he escaped. My roommate now wants to kill me. She found the condom on her bed and doesn't believe me. I might have to move out. FML

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Great start to the day

Anonymous - 04/04/2021 20:00

Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML

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Rushed

Anonymous - 31/05/2012 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

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Why would you stick that there?

Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

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Keep the peace

Anonymous - 02/10/2020 18:02 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML

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Missing

Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

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Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

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ProfoundNonsense 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:03

How did your cat get a hold of it? I guess stop leaving them around like that. *shrugs*

poison29 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:05

ew, poor cat

deaditegirl 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:09

Poor cat. I keep my bathroom trashcan in the cupboard under the sink because my cat will eat anything in it. Especially dryer sheets. Apparently those are delicious.

pickledpandas 0

Wednesday 29 September 2010 20:16

hahaha, dryer sheets.

guitardedman 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:10

thats kinda ****** up to think about a cat eating a used condom, choking on it, and then throwing it up. jesus.

audereyy 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:15

thats why you gotta really hide the condoms when you throw em out...

snoopy24_fml 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:18

pwnd by the kitty

panda_rectum 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:20

your cat sounds pretty kinky...hopefully your cat doesn't have herpes now. that would be sad :/ oh yeah, you might want to re-locate until this situation blows over. like say....canada.

myss_anthrope 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:20

#2 - a lot of cats, for some reason, do like playing with/eating them. it's gross, but it happens. i used to have a cat that did the same thing.

xymenah 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:21

moral of the story don't let your kitty eat random things it gets u in trouble

Amkii 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:21

Poor cat! :(

Jefe_fml 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:25

Ownt by ones own stupidity, what's new.

TheSerb88 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:25

#9: Bad advice. I had a friend who did that frequently. One day, the girlfriend's parents' house's plumbing mysteriously got backed up. They found the root of the problem. Fortunately they were quite serious at the time and the parents just had a good laugh. Also, I feel bad for that cat.