Parents, Surprise Love Hey how are you?

Hey how are you?

Anonymous - - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

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Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

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Gimme a break

anon - 04/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML

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What happened?

....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

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Anonymous - 21/02/2014 09:59 - Russian Federation - Lipetsk

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

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superfiedman - 04/08/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

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Surveillance state

Anonymous - 18/07/2025 09:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML

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Dude, chill out

U... - 18/08/2023 22:00

Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML

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Explain yourself

Anonymous - - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

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This is fine

Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

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Anonymous - 09/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

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dezire43 7

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:23

at least she wasn't cheating

WildJubeJube 16

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:21

Good luck with that.

ironhead_fml 20

Sunday 7 September 2014 7:57

Don't tell him that the good beer is in the man cave. Maybe he will quit doing the drop in.

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 7 September 2014 10:35

Where was your wife? Tell him to bring his own beer so that you can enjoy it as well

Trinneko 12

Sunday 7 September 2014 10:52

Hey, it could have been worse.. he could have been drinking your vodka and replacing it with water! Personally, I'd have a long discussion with him about personal space, and ask why he can't use his own couch, tv, and beer.

fmlrulesBolt 14

Sunday 7 September 2014 10:57

I am sure your father had done a lot for you. Give the man some cold beer.

bdizzle7 1

Sunday 7 September 2014 13:03

Stop bitching and enjoy a beer with him!! You must've done something right for him to want to sneak in!!

cookie1207 19

Sunday 7 September 2014 14:49

Get better beer man!!

inowhtthefoxsays 20

Sunday 7 September 2014 16:36

I have no idea what your dad's problem is. I drink two types of beer---Miller Lite and Free. Clearly the beer in your fridge falls in the second category. Lol

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 7 September 2014 17:00

Where was your wife during all this? I guess it could be worse; you could have found your dad sitting on your wife rather than the couch! Still, some people have no respect/regard for personal space.