Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Groucho

Groucho

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

agreeclassic 50 163

vote type 1 5 253

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By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

agreeclassic 31 383

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By mustachio101 - 17/07/2012 23:30 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

agreeclassic 8 641

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Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

agreeclassic 26 490

vote type 1 32 655

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

agreeclassic 41 466

vote type 1 6 714

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

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vote type 1 6 710

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

agreeclassic 41 630

vote type 1 15 247

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

agreeclassic 37 526

vote type 1 10 186

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

agreeclassic 364

vote type 1 1 435

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

agreeclassic 286 075

vote type 1 68 250

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

agreeclassic 54 146

vote type 1 10 631

TylerX 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

Did I just get an erection?

iAmScrubs 19

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

He enjoys the feeling of that peach fuzz caressing his epidermis.

Comments

isac1234 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 7:52

is he GAY ?

ih82bl8 2

Sunday 3 July 2011 8:17

into hitler?

emodude44 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 8:37

Kinky

Santamonica17289 5

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:11

Good Lord..he must be in narnia he's so far back in the closet ..

iloveparc 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:35

so who gave who a mustache ride?

Caz_the_Spaz 6

Sunday 3 July 2011 10:25

talk about a hairy situation!

kittennn 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:14

Time to get a new boyfriend.

soulfulemo 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:36

guns don't kill; people with mustaches do. that being said, maybe he likes it "Hitler Style"

SleepOnStones 5

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:24

Lol! Did you get that saying from Destery?

boyd30 2

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:54

hilarious !

epiclife101 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 13:26

not to effend u but is your boyfriend gay or a woman ??

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Today, I went to the toilet during drama class, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

agreeclassic 9 898

vote type 1 47 648

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

agreeclassic 1 327

vote type 1 155

Today, on our drive down to California to work on a contract worth 20k with my husband (we own our business and work together), he refused to spend $50 on RV parking, so we didn't get to sleep all night, all because it was hot and the rest-stop was scary. We have two young kids and a dog. FML

agreeclassic 472

vote type 1 115

Malfunction - the system is down!

agreeclassic 282

vote type 1 77

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

agreeclassic 629

vote type 1 150

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fish. My coworker named them what I thought were completely random names. I said, "Those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kids' names. FML

agreeclassic 9 601

vote type 1 32 390