By FML Approved - 13/07/2017 18:30 I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 149 Share Tweet Share
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 315 605 You deserved it 174 181
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML I agree, your life sucks 712 You deserved it 498
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML I agree, your life sucks 12 632 You deserved it 1 565
Today, desperate to meet a guy, I went clubbing. The only guy to show any interest opened with, "You're hot, for a black chick!" FML I agree, your life sucks 26 455 You deserved it 2 754
Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 101 You deserved it 2 289
Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML I agree, your life sucks 20 233 You deserved it 44 560
Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 581 You deserved it 330
Today, I started my new job. They let me go after literally one shift. Why? Because I asked if I could use a stool occasionally, since I have rods in my back from major surgery. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 245 You deserved it 127
Those aren’t the droids I’m looking for.