Nearly FMLs

By StarvingStudent - 29/11/2018 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was studying in a coffee shop where an elderly Chinese lady came up to me. She started spewing Mandarin, which I don't speak, so I politely waited for her to finish before asking if she spoke Cantonese, which I do speak. Her answer? "I JUST TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT!" In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 06:54 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mother came into my room and stabbed me in the leg, and said "Stop fucking crying you fat bitch". I wasn't crying and I was totally asleep. I also hadn't lived with her since I was 19 and apparently she broke into my house to do this. What the fuck?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 04:21 - United States - Media

Today, it was snowing. I do my morning routine and shovel snow out of the driveway in a neon vest. I took a breather by the fence post sitting on cardboard boxes by our trash so I wouldn't get wet. A man gave me Mc Donald's and 20 thinking I'm homeless. I'm 17. He let me keep the Mc Donald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 1

By game over? - 29/11/2018 03:35 - Philippines - Pasay City

Today, Grandma again barged in unexpectedly, and walked into me and my childhood bestfriend having sex. I told her its just a game to us and she's convinced, till I thought she was. She later declared to our parents that we are to be wed, looked at me evilly and whispered "or else!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 35

By Colenelshitpostermcgee - 29/11/2018 01:23

Today, I tried ASMR videos to help me sleep. The softly speaking pretty young women in the videos telling me to sit back and relax ended up just turning me on and making me more awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 12

By Alaina Heuerman - 28/11/2018 23:41

Today, my cat ran out of the house, usually I don’t like him out past dark so I ran after him even though I was preoccupied with my dog who likes to escape. When I finally caught him, I lifted him up and he peed all over me before running and leading the dogs to the gate where they escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 7

By bee1121 - 28/11/2018 23:37

Today after recently moving 600km away from everything I know. Turns out my 'friends' have forgotten me. Not only that, so has my sister. I moved 6 months ago and haven't heard from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 4

By Mg1525 - 28/11/2018 20:10

Today, after a 17-hour work shift, my boyfriend wanted to treat me to a nice bottle of Champagne. I opened the bottle, it slipped out of my hands, and it shattered on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/11/2018 14:06

Today, I found out that someone else broke up my first bf and I. Neither of us wanted to break up but someone else came up to us both and said that the other couldn't do it anymore and didn't want to speak the the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 19

By Pulled_Pig - 28/11/2018 07:55

Today, the guy that I have been pining over for the past 3 years FINALLY asked me out. We went on an amazing date that ended in sex. The next morning, we woke up in each other’s arms and he yells “YOU GOT PIGGED, BITCH” FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 17

By Heisthegrossone - 28/11/2018 07:25

Today, my brother got angry at me because he saw the top of my underwear when I bent over, which is 'gross'. Meanwhile he bends over 10 times a day revealing a really hairy bum and even more hairy butt crack with brown patches in it, which I really hope are just moles. It makes me gag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 2

By not again - 28/11/2018 06:46

Today, my sister stole yet another thing of mine. My boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 0

By ANGRY - 28/11/2018 05:00

Today, my drunk aunt threw up all over the turkey. My mom blames me for it and says that I ruined Thanksgiving. They both left and I'm all alone for Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 28/11/2018 01:57

Today I had a long day at work. I decided to have a glass of wine and watch a movie in bed. My dog decided to jump on the bed right on top of me. My glass of wine spilled all over me and onto my sheets. If I didn’t need a glass of wine before I definitely need it now. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 28/11/2018 01:46 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, I can't walk because of a serious foot injury. It's also the day my parents start nagging me about the fucking chores. They say my sister can't do it because she's "too young" and will mess everything up. She's 19 years old and I'm younger than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 2

By rip - 27/11/2018 22:28

Today, after not seeing my mother for a long time, I tried to talk to her about my personal life and my feelings, hoping to get closer to her. Her response to that is calling 911. Damn, I didn't think she hated me that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1

By mct - 27/11/2018 13:49 - Australia

Today, my family and I were on our way for our long awaited holiday. On the plane my 5 year old son complained of feeling ill. We just made it into the toilet and he vomited in the sink. I spent 20 minutes cleaning up. We are now at our hotel and I've just barfed for the third time. Some holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Alone as ever - 27/11/2018 07:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me, took my dog, and left because she caught me texting another woman. This woman was my therapist. I'm going to miss my dog more than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 0

By What do I even Do??? - 27/11/2018 03:31 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my Aunt bought a pig three months ago and is clearly over-feeding it. I told her I had some concerns and she responded with "Pigs are supposed to be fat, asshole!" He can't walk anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 2

By B2017 - 27/11/2018 03:22

Today, on the 6th month anniversary of a very beautiful relationship I learned that my girlfriend cheated on me. I made sure that she was always happy. Im 19 shes 18. She cheated and is now dating a 28 year old fry cook who lives at home with his parents, and can barely afford to put gas in his car.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

By SpaceWitch - 27/11/2018 03:22

Today, I went on a shopping trip with my mother, which of whom spent most of the time fuming and lecturing me about how my boyfriend uses me for money. As the cashier informed her of her $107.23 bill - my mother promptly announced she was broke, pouted at me, and then gestured at my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 0

By Tiny - 27/11/2018 02:56

Today, i got my ordered vibrator in. Being single i payed for an expensive and fancy one. Turns out it is too big for me. And therefor useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 17

By me. - 27/11/2018 02:50 - United States - Chinle

Today I continue to be left out of a group in my nursing program. I’m not sure what I did to make them hate me. I failed a test today. A girl in this program had a study guide with all the information that the exact test had from an old TA that she shared with everyone in the program but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By Baki - 26/11/2018 22:59

Today I found out I am going to lose my job 3 days before christmas. I left a great paying job in order to pursue a job in my education field (chem). Today they told me that they don't really know what to do with me and that I probably wont work next year. The previous job wont take me back.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 10

By SalimVsBill - 26/11/2018 20:39 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, 23 years ago, my parents decided to name me honoring my father's family tradition even though I clearly resembled physically my mother's family. So here I am a 6.9 ft, blond hair and blue eyed guy named Selim Al-Karaji. I tell people my name is Bill so they don't laugh or believe I am lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 4

By Luckyme - 26/11/2018 15:25

Today, I was locked out of my house, in the cold at 8 in the morning, because my brother-in-law borrowed my house key and didn't put it back. My hubby has to drive 2 hours from work to let me in. That same brother-in-law also used a quarter of my gas over the weekend, and didn't replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 0

By Christmas lights - 26/11/2018 05:05

Today, my boyfriend decided to clean up his vomit from the carpet with Clorox and then continued to vacuum with the steam cleaner. Where he poured the Clorox is bleached and won’t come out. We live in apartment. Here’s to hoping we get our security deposit back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 2

By Kamain - 26/11/2018 01:15

Today, my wife laughed so hard while I was reading this page that she laughed herself into a asthma attack while extensively farting....FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By Apple - 26/11/2018 00:47

Today, I needed to use the bathroom in the night, but the bathroom was ages away and I didn’t want my parents to know I was up, so I peed in a glass. I was almost done when I knocked the glass over. Now the carpet is wet, and guess who has to somehow clean it up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 26/11/2018 00:46 - United States - Washington

Today, we got free turkeys from work along with salmonella. - FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 221

You deserved it 4 066

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 844

You deserved it 3 271

Today, my cat pissed on my bed, so I had to change the sheets. Just as I got out of bed and take my first step, I stepped in my cat's poop as well and slipped, spraining my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 397

Today, I had a job interview. I have another job I want to leave, but haven't said anything yet. At the interview, I mentioned where I worked, and the interviewer name-dropped my manager. She then told me he was her step brother. So much for not wanting my manager to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 194

Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 306

Today, I made the mistake of showing an interest as my boyfriend was playing the new Assassin's Creed. Now I like that he enjoys gaming, but I was not expecting to be given a crash course in Assassin's Creed lore and history all the way back to the first game. It lasted ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 402