Your everyday life stories

Unlucky girl - 19/04/2016 06:55 - United States - Hazel Green

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, after I spent $236. On tickets to go see him in another state FML

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 06:55 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after a heavy night of drinking and passing out on my bed, I awoke to find my mate hooking up with a girl right beside me. It was only later that I found out that the girl was my sister. FML

Larry - 19/04/2016 06:16 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I was eating my girlfriend out and I got a bloody nose. Needless to say I've never made a girl scream so loud before. FML.

:( - 19/04/2016 06:04 - United States - Albany

Today, I kicked a soccer ball to a first grader. He ran toward the ball and tripped over it. Another first grader respond by saying, "and that's why you can never trust a female." FML

RobbedYew - 19/04/2016 05:22 - United States - Redding

Today, I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 2 years because we wanted different things. What's the difference? I want kids, and she hates them with a passion. It would have been fine if she didn't kick me in the nuts and ask if we can get back together because I can't have kids now. FML

mikaylanichelle - 19/04/2016 05:00 - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend and I planed to go on a romantic picnic. Things got hot and steamy and he insured me no one would walk down considering you had to walk through shin deep ice cold beach water. Two old people we passed earlier saw us having sex. And we had to walk back in hip high water now FML.

tittyboomboom - 19/04/2016 04:59 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I mentioned to the guy I've been seeing that I'm down for some back door love. He tells me he's never tried but he's keen, and before to long we get down to it. He's currently sitting in the shower, bawling his eyes out, because he enjoyed it too much...which in his mind makes him gay. FML

strangebuttrue - 19/04/2016 04:52 - United States - Marion

Today, I woke up from a nap face to face with a chipmunk. I was in my bed, in my house. FML

Nate868 - 19/04/2016 04:47 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I am unsure if my step mom saw me masturbating. My door was cracked open and I think I saw Her walk by. She always stares at me now and things will never be the same. FML

FalloutScrolls - 19/04/2016 04:46 - United States

Today, I texted my wife asking for a selfie. She replied with "Why?" I said "because I wanna see something pretty." All I got was a text an hour and a half later saying "lol." FML

w0w - 19/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my blind date started with, "I am required by law to tell you this: I am a registered sex offender." FML

anonymous - 19/04/2016 04:32 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to get intimate. I am on my period so I stealthily removed my tampon and threw it on the floor trying not to ruin the mood. A couple minutes in we heard growling. My cats were fighting over my tampon. FML

drangonangel14 - 19/04/2016 04:29 - United States

Today, after calling the cops on my slut of a neighbor for indecency, they arrested me for sexual harassment. Apparently the hussy is a bad ass lawyer with a all win record and I pissed her off. FML

anon - 19/04/2016 04:23 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I was diagnosed with chronic folliculitis by my dermatologist. She prescribed a medication that could very easily kill me, that's not even meant for folliculitis. FML.

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 04:09 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my sister plastered my entire room with pictures of Misha Collins with Nicholas Cage's eyes photoshopped over his. That includes my ceiling, window, door, and both of my dressers and mirror. FML

new car no more - 19/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Naperville

Today, I bought a brand new Audi R8. Not even a day into owning it, my mother stole it while I was at work and ended up totaling it. I found out when I got home to a tow truck dumping it onto my driveway. FML

lukian - 19/04/2016 03:51

Today, I went to the bathroom and as I was going number two, a shard of chicken bone lacerated my arsehole. FML

GingerSnap98 - 19/04/2016 03:48 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my parents told me that I should just forget about my boyfriend and hook up with his more mature roommate who is 4 years older than me. I told them that's just wrong and mean, they responded by saying I'm just a slut anyways so why should I care. FML

whut - 19/04/2016 03:47 - United States - Lewisville

Today, an older customer of mine tried to set me up on a date. The problem is, I'm a 17 year old straight guy, and she was trying to set me up with her 34 year old son who lives in her basement. According to her, I should take the offer, cause it's the best I'm ever going to get. FML

AHeart4Nature - 19/04/2016 03:43 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I was going for a hike. Me and my friend found a dead kangaroo. Being me, I suggested we check if it had a Joey inside since it was a female and it looked fairly bloated. My friend stood back then I poked it with a stick. BAM! Turns out it was full of gas and it exploded all over us. FML

take a break - 19/04/2016 03:42 - United States - Lewisville

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, his roommate walked in, and stuck up a conversation with him. My boyfriend proceeded to stop, sit up, and talk to him about some new video game, and then get mad at me for not responding to a question (as I hid under the covers, naked) FML

oops - 19/04/2016 03:37 - United States - Lewisville

Today, while proctoring a test, I decided to check my email and other social media sites. I didn't realize, however, my laptop synced automatically to the smart projector, and was displaying my screen. Let's just say I wasn't looking at PG things online... FML

RunsLikeSeal - 19/04/2016 03:29 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was told that I would not be able to join the school soccer team, and was asked to leave tryouts. Why? My running was so awkward that the coach couldn't concentrate on everyone else from laughing too hard at me. FML

FMAmory - 19/04/2016 03:14 - United States - Roanoke

Today, after countless hours of puking and not being able to eat anything all day, I tried eating ice to get my fever down. That only resulted in my permanent retainer snapping. Fml

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 03:07 - United States

Today, I worked my ass off all year long for an award, mostly working for free. The guy that won got it because he whined about never winning anything. He cooks once a week and his sweat drips into people's food. FML

Dickcheney1 - 19/04/2016 03:06 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I had my presentation on a USB drive and on an online server. Both of which were useless when the classroom computer completely stopped working. The teacher won't reschedule the presentation or let us hand it in as a regular assignment, and is giving everyone an F. FML

_7_8_9__1 - 19/04/2016 03:02 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my "friends" convinced my boyfriend that I cheated on him so he broke up with me, then told me they didn't like me and kicked me out of our apartment. FML.

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:59 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I turned away from my computer screen for a second to grab something. While my back was turned, a fly landed on my screen which I mistook for my mouse when I came back. As soon as I realized what it was, it proceeded to fly straight into my mouth. FML

Rachael - 19/04/2016 02:55 - United States

Today, my mother was trying to predict what was going to happen in the show we were watching. We were watching a documentary. On history that actually took place. FML

happypenguins - 19/04/2016 02:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I woke up to see that my older sister has plastered my entire bedroom with posters of Nicolas Cage. Including the ceiling. Fml

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I realized that my gay male friend tells me I’m pretty, gives me random compliments, and shows me off more often than my husband of 10 years. I legitimately can’t remember the last time my husband called me beautiful. Even if I ask him how I look, the best I’ll get is “You look fine.” FML

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Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

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Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

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Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

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Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

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Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

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