Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 26/04/2018 20:34

Today, I bought my daughter a cell phone. Her dad called her and she screamed "Mom, how do I turn the vibrator off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 5

By "ch,nlv" - 26/04/2018 20:04

Today, my parents called me a slut for getting pregnant and refuse to talk to me again. The only problem is that I'm 27, married and this will be my second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 5

TP is Money!

By Б. Амарсанаа - 26/04/2018 19:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boss said I use too much toilet paper when I go to the toilet. Our floor has over 20 workers and 2 toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 515

You deserved it 213

By Sydney - 26/04/2018 17:39

Today, I received a notification that my Facebook post had been shared over one thousand times. I was trying to find a couple who stole from us after we took them in. Apparently the boyfriend robbed a bank last week, hence the massive amount of shares. What a way to wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 26/04/2018 17:13

Today, I got my brand new white sheets, and the next day my body decides it's a good day to start my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 16

By "SamBeast" - 26/04/2018 15:50

Today, I parked as far as I could at my work place, knowing I would be gone for 5 hours at a meeting about safety at the workplace and employee parking. I got a text at the end of the meeting, saying my parked car got hit by another employee. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

By Annie - 26/04/2018 12:30 - South Africa

Today, I was presenting a pitch in front of a company. I forgot my PC was connected to the projector and wrote in a document to my colleague next to me "that director is so cute" for the whole room to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 78

By Mr. Manlypants - 26/04/2018 11:04 - Latvia - Ogre

Today, I was moving some furniture and accidentally ruined my pants that left with with a big gaping hole which pretty much revealed "everything". Later decided to take a 2h nap before I had to present a lecture at school. Overslept and rushed down there. Guess which pants I wore? FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 41

By Defective_Raven - 26/04/2018 08:04

Today, I finally regained access to my email account which I had been locked out for nearly three weeks. There were three job offers, and all of the acceptance deadlines have passed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 10

By cantcatchabreak - 26/04/2018 05:27 - United States - Mineola

Today, marks my fifth nightmare in a row. In each one I'm at work, I mess up, and I get fired. Each morning when I wake up, I remember that I can't even get a job in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By Kitty - 26/04/2018 03:10

Today, I found out the hard way what happens when you make eye contact with a cat for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 22

By Sa'ad Raman - 26/04/2018 02:51 - United States

Today, my Biology teacher told us that we only use 10% of our brains. She used the movie “Lucy” as an example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 7

By broke ass ho - 26/04/2018 01:53

Today, I made pasta because my family is so poor its all we have to eat for the month, apparently whatever I did made the pasta so horrible that no one was able to finish it. My cooking is so bad that even starving people won't eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 11

By Hate-Dat-Bro - 26/04/2018 00:59

Today, I got $100 from my grandma for my b-day. My mom asked for it back, "Because your brother needs it." My brother is 20 and lives at home. I sent him a text saying how annoying it is that he bums off our broke mother and to grow up. He then forwarded the message to our Mom in a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 25/04/2018 22:20

Today, I tried to be romantic and tell my husband how he's sexy and that he's a real man.. his response? "You're a real man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

By Kylie Marie - 25/04/2018 19:00 - United States - Bordentown

Today, my boss yelled at me for not working yesterday after texting to ask me to come in. Did they text me? No, they texted my boyfriend. Now I'm on probation for not showing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 073

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 25/04/2018 09:26 - United States - Riverside

Today, I think I have met the perfect man for me..he is caring and handsome and everything I have been looking for. Too bad he was introduced to me as my best friend's boyfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 38

At least there was no mention of foot fetishes

By not really that small - 25/04/2018 06:50 - United States - Austin

Today, I made my friend's wife think he was cheating. How? He drove me home and I left my work shoes in his car by accident. His wife insisted no man could have felt so small and that obviously he had been screwing around with one of the tiny Asian women from work.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By Ashley Taylor - 25/04/2018 04:11 - United States

Today, the man who claims to love me has been cheating on me with a woman from a mobile game and according to an ex of his, this is something he habitually does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By "Coral Moselle Kuykendall" - 25/04/2018 01:45

Today, my boyfriend dumped me and told me that he already has a new girl. Just a week ago, he invited me to move to Montana with him and build a life together. He's taking our dog with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 24/04/2018 19:21

Today, I stopped on the way to work to get gas and it caused me to be a little late, so I rushed into work to make it before the grace period ends. Once lunch time rolled around, I went out to my car to go get food. Not only did I leave the car running, but I am also almost out of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 52

By ICantTasteAnything - 24/04/2018 00:54

Today, I was painting and I had a cup to rinse the brushes in and a cup of water for drinking... and I drank out of the wrong cup. I've had the shits ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 45

By islife - 23/04/2018 21:24 - United States - Ashland

Today, I went on a weekend vacation to go see my boyfriend, so I left my car with his grandparents. I forgot I had left a 12 pack of condoms in the driver seat door. I came home to 4 of them missing.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 20

By shoudabeenme - 23/04/2018 16:45

Today, my best friend was with me and got hit by a car. After being hit, he looked at me and said, "It should have been you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 23/04/2018 16:30

Today, I found out my girlfriend complains about how bad I am in bed behind my back. Every time I've asked her if she's satisfied or if I need to try anything new, she refuses to talk about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 9

By Broken-hearted - 23/04/2018 16:00 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been talking to another girl behind my back for about half the relationship. He came out as Polyamory as he was feeling that develop over the past few days and wishes for all three of us to live together happily in the future. He sprang all of this on me before a final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 6

By Irateworker - 23/04/2018 15:16

Today, I finished a project for work, working late nights and weekends to complete it. The person supplying the data gave us the wrong data. Everything's getting scrapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 6

By "tonyfan00" - 23/04/2018 07:20

Today, the A/C unit decided to give out. The whole family had been ill the last week, and I have no idea how I'm going to find the money to buy a replacement one because the land lady won't cover it, despite knowing about the problem for over a year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By ... - 23/04/2018 07:13

Today, I was driving in LA for work. While I was trying to make a U-turn to park and run into a place to go, I hit a pothole and peed myself because I was so scared. I had to sit in it for 45min till I got home. The smell isn't out yet and I have work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 15

By Lana - 22/04/2018 18:18

Today, I went on a diet. My friends' and family's reactions? To yell at me because I'm skinny and I don't need to go on a diet. I was too embarrassed to mention that the diet is for a severe digestive condition, not my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 10

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The Top

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 383

You deserved it 2 081

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 381

You deserved it 11 020

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 966

You deserved it 6 779

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 298

Today, I was working from home when I mistakenly turned on my video camera during a conference call. I was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt with a "Cannibal Corpse" album cover on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 765

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 297