Weird

Customers from hell

By GirlWhyyyy - 09/08/2023 14:00

Today, I reduced a customer to tears and she had a tantrum, saying that nobody loves her, her life is a joke, and she’d be better off dead. This ordeal happened to grab the attention of my manager who was nearby. All I did was tell her that an item she wanted was sold out and offered to help her order it online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 107

Hot or not

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 04:00

Today, my friend sent me a weird selfie in black and white. I sent one back, and she said I looked like an 80s porn star. It was funny, but then three of my friends had the same reaction. I didn't even look good in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 199

Worst plan ever

By UGHWHaY - 08/08/2023 00:02

Today, I managed to get pregnant on purpose, in hopes to get my cheating boyfriend to stop seeing his side piece. Turns out he’s "not ready to be a dad" and prefers the homewrecking skank and left. Now I’m stuck with rent I can’t afford by myself, and a baby I don’t even want anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 5 174

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 011

You deserved it 2 845

Knock one out

By plummet - 05/08/2023 00:02 - United States - Cañon City

Today, it's been three weeks since my husband’s daughter has been staying with us. Zero sexy time since she’s been here. Finally, we had the chance tonight. He lasted 4 minutes. I’m still hot and frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 157

Get outta here

By Anonymous - 04/08/2023 20:00

Today, I went blueberry picking for the first time since I was a kid. In a huge lot with no one in it, a pickup truck choose to block us into a corner lot spot. When asked to move, the pickup driver said, “I hope the shade spot was worth it.” He then flashed a gun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 133

Sensitive

By killer! - 04/08/2023 16:00

Today, I sobbed hard to the point of hyperventilating and throwing up. Why? I instinctually stomped on a roach but didn’t see the egg sack she was carrying. I feel like I murdered a mom and her babies. I feel awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 970

Creaky floorboards

By wtf?? - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 330

You deserved it 3 690

Boot him out

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 184

Weirdest scam attempt ever?

By Violet Winters - 01/08/2023 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, a customer checking out a camera at my pawnshop asked if the memory cards got erased. I said yes. He asked if I had a case for it and I left to get it. I came back and the guy said, "There's naked pictures on this memory card!" I Look at the LCD screen and it's a picture of his own dick, which he'd just taken in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 112

Creative

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 456

You deserved it 3 835

American cuisine

By Nill - 31/07/2023 03:00

Today, my girlfriend was cooking dinner. To my horror, she took the chicken out and immediately began scrubbing it with dish soap. When I asked what the hell she was doing, she stared at me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 123

Premature

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Surrey

Today, the girl I've gone on two dates with showed up at my house with several boxes of her stuff, expecting to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 536

You deserved it 2 714

Too tired for this shit

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 00:02

Today, I met a girl at an airport before an early flight, after I’d only had 3 hours sleep. She moved here for a job in radiology. We joked, laughed, flirted, and parted ways. I told my friend, who asked why I hadn't get her number. I joked I would’ve if she'd been a doctor. He then says, “Radiologists ARE doctors, duh!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 519

Mystery

By disgusting - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I'd never met this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 213

You deserved it 2 808

Not the brightest bulb

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 03:00

Today, I found out that a female colleague thinks that because I got a vasectomy, I "got my balls chopped off." Then again, this woman also believes the cracks in her front brick fence are because her house is built on the equator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 113

Breaking news, sort of

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 22:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my sister told me our mother had died… via email. I didn't see it for nearly 12 hours. She has my phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 92

Independance day

By Froot - 22/07/2023 06:00

Today, I purchased some blueberries from the store, since I usually hog all the fruit my family buys. My dad saw my blueberries and declared I'll be buying all my own food from now on. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 181

Free speech

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 10:00

Today, my dad thought it would be appropriate to get drunk at my wedding and include in his father of the bride speech all the very bad things I did as a child, before I got the psychiatric help I needed. My in-laws were giving me death glares, and his nana yelled, “Shame on you!” at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 145

Con man

By 4lphab3t4 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 506

You deserved it 672

Are you OK?

By TooMuchWattpad - 20/07/2023 15:00 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I cried so much I felt nauseous and almost puked. Why was I crying? I made up a hot, brooding, cold, and heartless guy who secretly cared about me, and who's super protective. Then I imagined him dying by being stabbed. I cried over a guy I made up in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 1 391

Cats being weird little dudes

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 335

You deserved it 3 805

Don't panic!

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 15:00

Today, I had a meeting with our partner company from Japan. I was instructed beforehand on bowing but when the time came I panicked, stood way too close, and headbutted their boss in the boobs. I was “politely” asked to leave the meeting. I’m so embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 778

Kinda is

By Anonymous - 17/07/2023 18:00

Today, my blind date got up and left the table before our food had even arrived, saying he wasn't going to bother with me. Apparently bringing my own bottle of ranch for dipping is "weird" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 2 840

Too late

By Anonymous - 16/07/2023 03:00

Today, my husband told me he'd changed his mind and no longer wants children. We already have two kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 152

This is ain't it, son

By I can never win - 13/07/2023 18:00

Today, and like every month, my husband goes through the wastebasket and checks my used pads for proof that I’m not lying about being on my period to get out of sex, all because once, I didn’t feel like having sex and said I was on my period, even though I wasn’t. He found out I lied because he saw my clean pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 958

Strangely specific

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 10:00

Today, it's been 2 years of finally being on the right dosage of thyroid medication and going to the gym. I'm now 130lbs down from my heaviest weight. I just received an unprompted invite to be an event model at a local dungeon that only caters to fat fetishists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 188

Mr Mad

By Sorry Sir - 12/07/2023 03:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband got angry at me, only because I addressed him by his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 183

Weird logic

By can’t go vegan - 07/07/2023 03:00

Today, I actually overheard the sentence, “People who can’t go vegan for medical reasons should die gracefully rather than eat an animal.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 146

Hold this for me

By Anonymous - 06/07/2023 15:00

Today, a lady chased me through the mall because I wouldn’t babysit her kid while she shopped. I hate kids and don’t babysit, especially random ones, and especially not for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 100

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 1 787

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 990

You deserved it 9 234

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 868

You deserved it 4 058

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 680

You deserved it 4 367

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 523

You deserved it 12 361

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 326

You deserved it 7 247