Sex

Sweet summer child

By Anonymous - 06/06/2022 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 287

Nice to put a face to the screaming!

By dormlyfe - 24/09/2015 02:23 - United States - Moraga

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 045

You deserved it 22 952

Contortionist

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 14:00

Today, I had a date with a guy I’ve known casually for a few weeks. Everything was OK, until he asked me to come back to his place because he had something “to share with me.” Apparently, he’s double jointed, because his mouth reaches below his waist. He even finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 213

Greatest prank ever

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 19:00 - United States - Yakima

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 374

By Noname - 25/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 809

You deserved it 4 203

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 903

Made his mark

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 718

You deserved it 3 386

My new friends

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a woman back to my place, but we were both too drunk for sex so we decided to nap for a few hours, then fuck. Yeah, we both woke up covered in red spots. Hell of a way to discover my house has become infested with bed bugs. She ran out so fast… FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 339

I mean, technically you can still do it…

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 00:30

Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 459

Inappropriate question

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 13:59

Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 949

Degrading

By Failure2017 - 04/11/2017 19:30 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 493

You deserved it 491

Classically Abby

By shesanexnow - 19/08/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 218

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 995

Not a player

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 14:00

Today, and forever, I've never had a woman try to hit on me, so when my barista asked if I’d like to come to her place after her shift, I didn’t immediately realise she meant sex, so I actually stupidly said, “What for?” She got embarrassed and people glared at me like I was scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 546

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 19:00

Today, I found out my wife has been sleeping with one of my employees. Now, I can divorce her no problem, but turns out I can’t fire him for personal reasons because he’s in the union. That means I have to work every day with a man who has been inside the woman I shared marriage vows with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 121

Who's been a naughty girl?

By one cock too many - 04/08/2020 05:02

Today, I found out I’m the guy whose wife made adult films in college. Although embarrassed, I thought I may be able to get past it. Except for the fact that we dated in college, and she insisted we wait until after we were married to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 906

You deserved it 400

Doggy style

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 603

You deserved it 4 910

The prick

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to deep throat him and I had to tell him he isn’t long enough to reach my throat. It just about reaches the back of my tongue, but that’s it. He’s now sulking. I can’t change the length of his prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 521

You deserved it 628

By Kylee Day - 27/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. When I was getting dressed afterwards with him sitting next to me, there was a silence. To break it, he grabbed my hand and fistbumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 418

It's not working

By naas1201 - 10/05/2020 23:00

Today, and ever since the beginning of our couples' therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 272

Classic

By Singleagain - 10/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 140

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 03:59

Today, it's the 11th time in a row my wife has promised sex, then backed out. Some were good valid reasons I’ll admit, but this time we got as far as naked dry-humping when she suddenly decided she was too upset about our cat dying 8 years ago, so instead she played on her phone until she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 097

You deserved it 333

Squeamish

By Anonymous - 27/05/2025 19:00

Today, and ever since I gave birth, my husband hasn’t wanted to touch me because according to him, he "saw it all coming out down there, blood and mucus and stuff. They had to sew back together" and he can’t handle "putting his penis back in there." The birth was six months ago, I'm back to normal now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 104

Too awkward for love

By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 11:00 - Germany - Norden

Today, I realized I probably have more chances of finding intimacy and companionship working as an escort than by online dating, because if I get paid to spend time with someone, I’ll decide to just go with it and enjoy myself, but on an actual date I will most likely second-guess and self-sabotage all the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 417

Clapped

By frennyy - 04/06/2024 10:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I gave him an STD I didn’t know I had. Before sleeping together, he asked me to get tested. Feeling lazy, I got some fake test results from Google Images. He called me a few weeks later, saying he has the clap. I told him he must've got it from someone else. He was a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 1 787

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 02:00

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 221

Too passionate for me

By Mutton - 08/03/2021 17:01

Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there used to be one, and I can see the exposed nerve in the crack. Yes, it’s as excruciating as it sounds FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 115

First time?

By kelscait - 01/07/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 059

You deserved it 57 470

To the end

By Anonymous - 27/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex because he was watching TV and wanted to know how it ended. The show was probably ten years-old and on Netflix. He could watch it anytime he wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 238

The man don't give a ****

By Nachos4lifs - 08/11/2019 01:00

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people, hoping to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 787

You deserved it 489

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Kids Family Miscellaneous Friends Confused Toxic Love Pranks Scams Money Religion Cheating Parenting Dating NSFW Work Painful Cooking Health AITA Stalker My ex Coworkers Internet Relatable Pokémon Awkward Annoying Shopping Underwear

The Top

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 244

You deserved it 3 330

Today, I ran outside to start my car before leaving for work. My creepy neighbor was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. He told me he just loves watching TLC, too, and we should watch TV together sometime. I've never talked to him. I watch TLC in my bedroom. He watches me through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 356

You deserved it 3 114

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 012

You deserved it 1 909

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 702

You deserved it 6 720

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 711

You deserved it 3 856

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 154

You deserved it 8 807