Kids

Smells like…

By BobsBabe2 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 626

You deserved it 2 937

By morg2000 - 17/02/2009 23:23 - Mexico

Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 607

You deserved it 3 168

By Confuseddad - 16/02/2016 22:17 - United Kingdom

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 592

You deserved it 1 652

Wingnut

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 06:00

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 202

Avant garde

By MySonThePoet - 27/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Racine

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 833

You deserved it 5 484

Tyranny

By luh8r - 09/04/2009 14:38 - Canada

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year-olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and led the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty, and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 278

You deserved it 4 704

Cheat code

By justno - 15/04/2022 00:00

Today, my 7-year-old daughter has been hopelessly stuck on an easy puzzle in her favorite video game for a week now. Today, she excitedly told me that she'd figured it out. The solution to the puzzle? No, she’s figured out how to look up a walkthrough on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 273

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 683

You deserved it 2 825

In these times

By Anonymous - 01/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, after my ex left me to be number 5 or 6 to some dude, she’s now going to jail for whatever bullshit they got her into. She calls them family, and she expects me to still take my kids to visit those creepy ass polyamorous freaks she’s had them living around. No fucking way! FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 126

By thebiteof87 - 22/07/2015 06:32 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 784

You deserved it 26 971

Flip your wig

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 18:00 - Philippines

Today, my father verbally abused me for visiting my sick maternal grandfather, saying I lack common sense and intellect. He was angry that my cousin, who was the driver for the day, had her time wasted, despite the fact that my cousin planned to be with me the whole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 109

Fatherlessness

By justagirl - 21/12/2019 14:00

Today, my ex started to talk to me again after 3 years. I've been in an amazing relationship for the last 2 years. She let me know she is taking me to court for child support. I didn't even know I had a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 547

You deserved it 228

By Fortunato_18 - 02/12/2013 06:18 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old decided that it would be a great idea to try to paint her nails in secret. As a result, I now get to learn how to remove copious amounts of dark nail polish from a wide variety of materials, including my apartment's 1/2-inch thick shag rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 832

You deserved it 5 022

Fortunato_18 tells us more.

Fortunato_18 5

Tuesday 3 December 2013 2:11

Just a couple of points I wanna touch on: 1) the shag rug: haha not my choice! It came with my apartment, where the rug is one of the least awful things about it. 2) I know I should have had the nail polish out of reach, but we were planning on painting my daughters nails as soon as one of us got the chance. She's never done anything like that before so I didn't think to lock it up. We did have a chat about it though, and it hasn't been an issue since (this happened a few weeks ago) 3)Thank you for the removal tips! Hopefully I can find one that works :)

Garden party

By Awkward is my name - 09/07/2023 12:00

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 060

Cost of living crisis

By Anonymous - 19/04/2024 05:00

Today, it's only been two months since my daughter has owned her home and now she wants to move back to my house because she lost her job and can’t afford the mortgage, plus she got pregnant off a one-night stand and needs my help with the baby. Bang goes my plans for a quiet retirement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 155

By AnonymousCow - 20/09/2016 13:04 - Australia - Perth

Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 849

You deserved it 1 908

Forever 14

By Anonymous - 12/03/2023 22:00

Today, I went to my parents' for dinner, who greeted me outside and immediately my mom said, “What are you wearing? Go to my room and change your shirt.” I was with my husband and I’m 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 144

Yeet the kid

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 16:01

Today, my son no longer tries to sneak in and out of the house at inappropriate times. Now, he just brazenly walks out, ignoring me when I ask where he’s going, then walks back in at like 4 in the morning, and again ignores me because he’s still on his phone to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 075

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 10:00

Today, at a business BBQ my dad introduced my older brother to his boss as "Dr Brother", my younger sister as "CEO Sister," and then me as "Beautiful Daughter." That was it, I’m his pretty daughter, just because I became a primary school teacher, and disappointed him so disgracefully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 1 183

Confusing guys and their bro code

By Men are weird - 23/08/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my son tried to fight my husband, his step-dad, who knocked him to the floor with one good punch. I was ready to throw my husband out, but an hour later they were having a heart-to-heart, and now they get along better than they ever have. HUH?!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 193

Despair

By TeachingSucks - 17/05/2023 11:00 - United States - Cabot

Today, I'm grading final projects for a junior level college class. A student finally turned in their work, after months of encouragement and coaxing. Half of it was plain wrong, the rest had so many spelling and grammatical mistakes, it appeared to be written by a drunk autocorrect program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 123

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 10/09/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex-wife brought the kids to me angry that she had tried to pick up some guy but the kids ruined it just by being there, so she brought them to my house because she couldn’t be bothered this week. The judge giving her primary custody is a travesty of our legal system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 101

Craving it

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, after discussing all the things our 4 year-old does for attention, I asked my partner what I could do to get some attention from him His response? “You get enough attention from the baby.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 120

By Chouse - 07/09/2012 01:56 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 830

You deserved it 2 702

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 092

You deserved it 10 471

Daddy issues

By Anonymous - 20/04/2023 00:00

Today, all other moms I know have cute stories about their husbands panicking during the birth. Not me, mine flew to Vegas the week I was due and solicited an undercover female officer. He’s not held the baby yet, he’s still in jail for resisting arrest and contempt of court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 208

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 375

Not ready for this

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I learned, 9 years after the death of my last intimate partner who'd moved away, that I have a 10 year-old child, and after the kid's grandpa died I was listed as a relative. Now I have a 10 year-old on my shoulders. DNA confirmed it was mine, and I never was told. Getting drunk before I take the kid in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 435

Daddy! No!

By Brokemommy - 15/03/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, I have to figure out how to explain to my 6 year-old daughter when she gets home from school that she won’t be having a birthday party anymore, because she caught daddy having it off with the babysitter, and now we have nowhere to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 346

By girlmeetsworld - 18/02/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 158

You deserved it 13 668

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 512

You deserved it 14 001

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because: "That class is stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 866

You deserved it 4 098

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 732

You deserved it 3 521

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 357

You deserved it 3 758

Today, I discovered my husband has a secret Facebook where he is a member of many step dad support groups. I thought it was sweet he was asking for advice, until I read some of what he posted. It was purely ranting about how much he hates my kids to other dads, who also hate their step kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 271

Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 308