Gross

Tasty snack ideas

By Stellarum - 18/08/2014 15:13 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 652

You deserved it 4 231

To catch a predator

By Yes I mean EX boyfriend - 19/04/2025 21:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I asked my boyfriend of several months about his history with girls. Almost every single one was a girl he met while they were underage, then fucked as soon as they turned 18. When I flipped my shit, he looked at me like I was crazy. "They were all legal, what's the issue?" YOU'RE A FUCKING GROOMER, DUDE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 149

Worst life hack ever

By 1meme129 - 24/02/2016 14:12 - United States - Denver

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't, he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 327

You deserved it 1 601

Bad diet

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Verona

Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 141

Slimed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 2 842

Appalling behavior

By he didnt know - 02/03/2025 11:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I showed my best friend a picture of my new girlfriend. He gave me a high five, followed up with, "Looks like we're Eskimo bros!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 133

i'm not paid enough for this shit (and piss)

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an "accident" in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year-olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 765

You deserved it 3 480

Moldy excuse

By andrea - 02/05/2022 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my idiot daughter has allowed mold to grow in her shower. Her excuse? She thought it was just some “stains” that wouldn’t come out. Yeah, I don’t believe that. I think she knew it was mold and just didn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 304

Fun night out

By highlydisgusted - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 272

You deserved it 4 840

Food for thought

By snowiewind - 01/10/2022 10:59 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I had a bacterial infection in my intestines. Doctors suggested I wash my intestines, but apparently forgot to tell me I couldn't eat before the procedure. I don't know what's worse, the fact that the whole room right now smells like rancid fried chicken, or the fact that the doctors were just talking about going to Popeyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 260

Sounds lovely

By theotherotherguy - 27/09/2012 05:22 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 909

You deserved it 1 867

Bizarre topping

By Grossed out - 10/11/2021 11:00

Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 102

Keep the change

By imwithapples22 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 094

You deserved it 2 455

Magic morning treat fairy

By PuppiesKisses - 14/07/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my corgi brought her new favorite treat into my bed: a rotting deer hoof with six inches of leg. She left it on my pillow, and the smell woke me up. She wasn't even on the bed when I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 113

The Scatman

By Mandy - 13/03/2022 10:00

Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 270

Say it, don't spray it

By Yak - 09/08/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I heard my coworker sneeze on the other side of the break room, and right after I felt something wet hit my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 54

By Pimpleeater - 20/12/2011 07:45 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 489

You deserved it 5 686

Gushing

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 302

You deserved it 38 690

The disrespect

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 11:01

Today, I visited my mom at the graveyard first thing in the morning. Not even 24 hours after the funeral, someone’s dog had taken a massive, liquidy shit all over her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 68

Sharing is caring

By julia - 25/02/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my daughter used my towel. She thought that because it was clean, it would be okay. She’s 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 778

Stupid rule

By mommy - 23/06/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 1 370

Biohazard

By Dev Engineer - 29/01/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom - Totteridge

Today, my roommate, who is 22 years-old, doesn't understand that the trash needs to be taken out. He just puts pizza and burger boxes on top and around the dustbin. Prior to moving in, his mom and sister emphasized on how "clean" he is. He never showers either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 95

Barf

By sewraerae - 06/12/2021 22:59 - United States - Tampa

Today, while I took a short nap, my husband thought it would be a good idea to give our 9 month-old a shake with a whole milk base, despite being told several times he can’t digest it. Later, while we were out and about, he threw up. I rode home in the backseat with the baby, covered in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 147

It's the new thing!

By Squeakyclean - 23/08/2021 08:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 204

Better safe than soggy

By Anonymous - 11/04/2026 03:00 - United States - Canton

Today, after thinking I was done with my diarrhea because my last fart was a dry one, I let loose with what was gonna be a good fart. It wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 367

Need beer now

By Jensen - 16/07/2021 07:01 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, I went kayaking with some friends, and I had an empty beer can dedicated to throwing cigarette butts in. After running out of beer, I took a big swig from the only can in my kayak. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 461

Brain bleach please

By unashamed - 05/06/2014 08:11 - Australia - Ipswich

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 355

You deserved it 4 773

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 05:00 - United States - Overland Park

Today, it's not bad enough that I'm fighting stage 4 colorectal cancer, and that I'm 3 weeks out of colostomy surgery, during the night, it came unhooked from my body in my sleep. I woke up to the smell of shit, and I was covered in dried shit, glued to my sheets. It made it through 2 'waterproof' mattress protectors, to the expensive foam mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 99

Last splash

By sicktomystomach - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 238

You deserved it 5 296

The sensual world

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 494

You deserved it 18 145

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while changing my tampon in a public restroom, a toddler crawled under the door of my stall and asked what I was doing. I had to wait until I'd finished to open the door and let her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 817

You deserved it 729

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 832

You deserved it 1 918

Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 313

You deserved it 40 876

Today, my husband and I left for a two-month trip. Our roommate called us after 16 hours of driving to inform us that our dog was attacked and sprayed by a skunk and had rubbed all over our stuff. He now has to get shots and be tested for rabies, and we have to toss all our furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 420

Today, my OCD mother got mad because I wouldn't let her turn the fan over my head at a higher speed than low. She's got every other fan going at high speed but not aimed at herself, while I'm trying to work from home without the wind in my face for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 199

Today, my dad came to my room to tell me he’s going to take a nap and didn't want to be disturbed. About 5 minutes later, my speaker started broadcasting the moaning voice of a woman clearly having sex. He's never borrowing my Bluetooth speaker ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 105