Birthday

"Your text here"

By Rerere - 24/02/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, I gave my friend what I thought was the perfect birthday gift, a personalized mug with her favourite quote. When she opened it, she looked confused so I explained. Then she said, "I’ve never ever said that." I realized I'd printed a quote from a completely different friend. I awkwardly told her, “Well, now you have something new to say!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 596

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 212

Come together, right now

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 13:00 - Canada - Stratford

Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 429

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By jenni - 06/04/2021 20:00

Today, my seven-year-old niece gave me a birthday card. Only she'd spelled my name as ‘Jenny.’ When I told her it was spelled with an i instead of a y, she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 147

Daddy! No!

By Brokemommy - 15/03/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, I have to figure out how to explain to my 6 year-old daughter when she gets home from school that she won’t be having a birthday party anymore, because she caught daddy having it off with the babysitter, and now we have nowhere to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 345

Dude, where's my car?

By not_so_sweet_sixteen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a three month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 725

You deserved it 56 294

The nerve

By Anonymous - 18/09/2022 08:00

Today, my biological mother, who abandoned me at the hospital the day I was born, turned up at my son's birthday party, demanding my bone marrow to treat some disease she has. When I outright refused, she tried to ask my son for his marrow to, “save granny’s life”. He’s 5 and now won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 137

Lame!

By 12345678910 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 616

You deserved it 4 446

Happy Birthday, I guess…

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 14:00

Today, my family decided it'd be a great idea to berate me for not being excited enough for my brother and his wife's baby news. They told us on my birthday, adding that if I wasn't so fat I'd have one too. I have insulin-resistant PCOS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 122

Party pooped

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, it was my Sweet Sixteen. Only two of my friends showed up, and they spent the whole night texting their boyfriends. After several failed attempts to do something fun or even get them to talk to me, I got up and left the room, and didn't come back. They didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 98

What a thoughtful gift

By Natsert99 - 08/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 159

You deserved it 1 267

Not the expected outcome

By Emm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised, I punched my mom in the face when she screamed, "SURPRISE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 133

You deserved it 21 020

You don't like the thumpa-thumpa music??

By worst birthday ever - 20/08/2022 16:00

Today, some people from work I don't know very well insisted on throwing me a surprise birthday party. They took me to a gay club. I'm straight, in a committed relationship, and suffer from horrible social anxiety and hypersensitive hearing. I would literally rather have been trapped in a burning building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 152

What were the chances?

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year-old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 125

You deserved it 7 019

You sure it was your birthday?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 04:53

Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 163

Tell us more

By kateannobrien - 11/08/2021 20:01

Today, my birthday was terrible yet again. This year, my boyfriend skipped celebrating with me at all. Last year, he guilt-tripped me about ‘having’ to spend time with me and got me two gift certificates that were unusable due to COVID. These weren’t even my worst birthdays to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 208

Invisible teammate

By forgotten - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 863

You deserved it 2 762

Don't worry, be happy birthday

By Levi Smith - 18/02/2024 13:00 - United States - Assaria

Today, happy birthday to me. Any calls from my friends? Nope. Socials? Not even one. My wife and daughter spent any time with me? Couldn’t even be bothered to put their phones down during dinner. Not a single person on God’s green earth gives a shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 159

It's the thought that counts

By ohhotdamn - 19/04/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday, all she wanted was a certain gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy, so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet, which made her cry. When I gave her my present, she just said, "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 878

You deserved it 5 743

The gift that keeps on giving

By Katie - 29/08/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, since we weren't getting along. When I got home, I remembered that today is his birthday. Him and all our friends now think I'm a total bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 724

Thanks for the memories

By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, my mom lit a candle in our living room, telling the family how much she loved it. She then went on the tell us that my dad got it for her and it must have been some cheap candle. I bought the candle as a gift for her on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 989

You deserved it 3 136

Harshing our buzz, man

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 14:00

Today, I was asked to leave a party because apparently I was a buzzkill. It was my party, for my birthday, at my house. All my friends and relatives basically sent me to my room for being too tired to party, so they could get pissed in my front room and pillage my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 211

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 18:01

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 170

No one's favorite

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 863

You deserved it 3 813

Wait!

By jordy1995 - 16/07/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 509

You deserved it 3 255

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but…

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, it was my birthday. I'd told my wife i would love a new battery drill, finally getting a decent one after all these years, and picked out a few nice ones. I opened the present: another cheap off-brand drill. They "didn't have any of the ones I picked out", but this one came with free drill bits. All useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 238

Where am I?

By I hate myself - 21/06/2025 15:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I thought I was going to a friend’s birthday party. Turns out, it was a surprise party for someone else... and I was the surprise. Everyone shouted “Surprise!” and I realized I wasn’t invited. I awkwardly ate a cupcake and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 101

So thoughful

By Surprised - 05/02/2023 12:00

Today, it’s my birthday. My husband gave me quite the surprise. He shouldn’t have. He surprised me by letting me walking in on him doing my sister doggy-style on our bed. Happy Birthday! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 168

Hell hath no fury

By child of a crazed women - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Halethorpe

Today, it's my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 060

You deserved it 3 024

Happy Nothing

By Cheapass - 07/11/2021 02:00

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 300

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 907

You deserved it 5 572

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 617

You deserved it 62 589

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 387

You deserved it 1 851

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 235

You deserved it 14 463

Today, nothing changed. Today was the same, and I feel like I'm in a dark comedy version of the movie Groundhog Day meets The Truman Show. I hate dark comedies. I want my life to be canceled… I mean, this movie to be canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 235

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 753

You deserved it 3 246