Miss
Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML
Today, I gave my 16 year-old step-daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me "the hypocritical pervert." FML
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML
Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML
Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML
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