courtneyclaire

Boredom

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

WAURGH

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

Cheeky

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML