Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I signed up for a theater production as they needed extras. I had exactly one line in the entire play. During opening night, I became so focused on remembering the line, I forgot to walk on stage when it was my cue. People stood there on stage waiting for my character, who was backstage, congratulating himself for not forgetting his line. FML
Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML
Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, I had my first day in an acting class. Our assignment was to perform a dramatic monologue. I got super into it, threw myself into character, and dramatically fell to my knees to deliver a line. Unfortunately, my knees slipped, and I faceplanted into the floor in front of the entire class. FML
Today, I had a big presentation at work and I was feeling really confident. I'd practiced it over and over and I knew it inside out. But when I got up to speak, I realized I had left my notes at home. I ended up winging it and it was a disaster. FML
Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I'd finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML
Today, I had a job interview. The only moment I impressed the interviewer was when I talked about drama. He started to talk about a play I hadn't seen, but I decided to agree on everything he was saying. Suddenly he said, "the play doesn't actually exist." I silently left the room. FML
Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML
Today, I was taking phone calls. In my dreams. That's just how horrible my job is. FML
Today, I had a phone call from a company I was applying to. It was going really well, until the call ended. Now since I'm so used to calling my girlfriend, I ended the call with, "Love you, bye." And if things couldn't get any worse, I started swearing to myself. The recruitment officer heard me. I forgot to hang up. FML
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Top comments
electrorange 13
That's why they tell you to never mix business with pleasure.
SirCharles83 13
9- I doubt that. You're getting paid. We are just hating you.
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Comments (64)
electrorange 13
That's why they tell you to never mix business with pleasure.
Mons_fml 27
Maybe people wont be so quick to hang up now...maybe.
dontpanic_fml 32
So it really wasn't going great...
obnum 19
I hate telemarketers
skittlestrailmix 14
I'm a telemarketer and we hate calling as much as you hate answering.
SirCharles83 13
9- I doubt that. You're getting paid. We are just hating you.
dontpanic_fml 32
Man you're right 14, jobs are never something that you have to do because you have no other choice even though you loath every minute of the tasks you need to perform...I forgot that when you get paid everything's golden. That's why everyone loves their job always.
Enslaved 38
I had a telemarketing job for a few weeks. Hated every second of it! But it made me a tougher person to criticism and made me more respectful toward those annoying calls. Why be nasty to them? They're just doing their job and you could "politely" ask to have your number removed from their list.(:I
Zebediabolical 45
Yes. Because asking to have your name removed works so well. It works almost as well as the federal DNC list. All that did is make sure that my telemarketing calls come from outside the country.
wlddog 14
The whole system is messed up. I got a land line for my house once, and within minutes of getting te phone turned on a telemarketer called it. I was shocked.
crazytwinsmom 25
They wouldn't be so annoying if they didn't wake me up on a weekend morning!
Sputnikspak 13
I worked as a telemarketer for two months and hated every single second. Worst job ever, but I had to pay the rent somehow and they were the only place hiring. I still remember my damn spiel and it's been like seven years.
EpicSquishii 21
At least you're ace at what's earning your bread and butter ;)
sugarshane007 20
Not sure if that's exactly something to be proud of, telemarketing being the STD's of phone calls.
EpicSquishii 21
Whatever pays the bills :) They're not trying to irritate you, they hate doing it too.
sugarshane007 20
This is true, but it's still like being the test subject for an experimental drug to cure herpes. You just hope there isn't an adverse reaction.
superalubba 13
Make sure you don't recite the plays lines while at your job
DocBastard 40
So how does it feel to have one of the most hated jobs in the history of mankind? On the scale of horribleness, telemarketers rank just below "walking in wet socks" and just above "stepping in dog shit".
kaycol 8
I had no idea wet socks and dog crap were even in the same ball park
dontpanic_fml 32
And yet, they are people just doing what they need to do and trying to make a living like the rest of us. You can hate the system, you can hate the corporation, but please cut the actual person calling you some slack.
SWC_Penguin 17
#16 - I'm amazed at how perfectly your defense of telemarketers could be applied, word for word, to car-jackers, home burglars, and bank robbers. Hey, they're just doing what they need to do.
DocBastard 40
Dontpanic - It's difficult to cut any slack to the people calling me during dinner, while I'm putting my kids to sleep, and on weekends, and then NOT letting me go when I try to act polite, doing everything they can to keep me on the phone. No, I will NOT cut you some slack.
Zebediabolical 45
Telephones are very intrusive. Loud and annoying and must be dealt with immidiately. If they wanted me to cut them some slack they could email me so I can route them straight to my spam folder. And before I get jumped, I worked as a telemarketer in Boston in the 90's. I caught some hate but I didn't take it personally. I was being paid to do it and the people I worked for and with were pretty great. It was the people I had to call that were the assholes. And I understand completely why.
dontpanic_fml 32
I know that nobody wants to deal with telemarketers, docbastard, but the people you are talking about are people with families just doing what they most likely have to do because they can't get another job. I doubt anyone's aspiration is to become a telemarketer. What I'm saying is that directing anger at service-level employees who are performing their duties makes everything worse. Hang up, write the company, whatever... I have never been a telemarketer, FYI, but I've worked in inbound call centers for a long time.
ManInTheMachine 20
Doc, how dare you put a range between walking in wet socks and stepping in dog shit, and completely neglect one of the most painful, annoying feelings known to man: stepping on a Lego. You of all people should know that, with kids and whatnot!
sugarshane007 20
31 - I think that sums up telemarketing quite well. They are the equivalent of stepping on a lego, for ears. You wish such anguish on no one.
Epikouros 32
If you can't find another job, you can still become a prostitute or a drug dealer, and deliver a service that people ask for.
oj101 33
OP: "Alas poor yorick... Would you be interested in a TV and Internet bundle for only $50 per month?"
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Nice idea, but that line doesn't really make sense with that offer...
oj101 33
#15 - I was juxtaposing reciting lines for a play (in this case, Hamlet) and reciting his telemarketing sales pitch. Do I deserve a cookie for at least trying Cookie Monster?
RedPillSucks 33
Cookie monster has retired, so no cookies for you. Try one of my new tasty vegetable snacks, like tofu, slow roasted, or this shitaki mushroom sauteed in butter used to pull the THC from these cannabis flower.
buddy51 23
OP- I can only hope your play's a musical and you're going to realize later today that you're singing your hated sales pitch to horrified customers..... "Somewhere, over the rainbow, you will buy This mini deep fry cooker So you can make you some fries!"
perdix 31
Was it "Death of a Salesman?" If so, spoiler alert: It doesn't end well for you.
sugarshane007 20
Nooooooo!! I hadn't finished reading it yet!
igive 29
And haven't started!
Aloyese 11
FML Comments: more entertaining than actual FML.