Today, I never wanted a wife, so of course I got married. I never wanted kids, so of course my unwanted wife insisted we have two. My mother-in-law, who I wish daily would get hit by a bus, just got hired at my workplace. My only pleasure in life is fishing and my kids just broke my only rod. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother keeps nagging me to find a wife, settle down, and have kids, even though I have zero interest in any of those things. She refuses to understand that I’m perfectly content being completely on my own. She even signed me up to Tinder without my knowledge. FML
Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML
Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML
Today, my mom has been aggressively trying to get me to marry one of her coworkers, who is around my age. Apparently she loves her like the daughter she always wanted, and since it would be silly to adopt her; she is determined she will be her daughter-in-law instead, whether I like it or not. FML
Today, my mother-in-law, who lives with us rent-free, still daily tries to get my wife to divorce me and marry a decent Catholic boy who is actually Irish, unlike me who was born in France, even though we’ve been married 23 years and have three kids together. FML
Today, I have the perfect life. The best husband, two well behaved kids, a well paying job, and a happy home. But I just pick random fights with my husband, instigating him into shouting for no reason. I guess I want problems to be happy. My whole soul wants peace, except my stupid brain and hormones. FML
Today, despite 18 years of marriage and two kids together, my father-in-law still insists my wife will one day grow up, realise I was the result of some rebellious phase she’s going through, divorce me and marry a decent boy from her hometown. FML
Today, I realized I have rejected at least five marriage offers and about the same number of women who've wanted to have my children. I have never been into kids or marriage, but all my girlfriends and some FWBs turn into marriage and kid crazy wannabe housewives after a while. FML
Today, I found out that my kids hate and are actively ignoring me; my wife is bipolar and she swears she hates me too after over 20 years of marriage, and my job sucks the life out of me every single day. FML
Today, I was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page. A mother-in-law to be was writing about how to handle wanting her son to break off his engagement. I thought, "Wow. That must suck. I'm glad I like my mother-in-law to be." And then I saw her name. FML
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Top comments
TxKitten 8
Your misery is mostly your own fault for getting married when you didn't want to, and after that agreeing to kids you didn't want instead if getting a divorce(assuming your wife was insistent). Do you not love your children? How sad for them. I see this as an FML for your wife and children.
power_in_the_now 19
Nobody can force you to say I do, even if she Proposed bc you “never wanted to get married”— and IF you asked her for her hand then WTF are you complaining about. Nobody forced you to be at the alter after you went in person to the courthouse to apply and purchase the marriage license. YOU—-YOU did that, Then if you never wanted kids, who the hell stopped you from nipping your balls! Huh? ONLY your own little brain did. SO that fact you have two little kids is your own damn fault bc no one ****** your wife with YOUR seed but YOU. Then even with all that your a shitty DAD for not teaching your children to respect other people’s items
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Comments (18)
juggalo2 22
How sad not to have any agency in your life. What are you? Living in "Get Out" where you are a passenger in your own body?
Hangryko 32
We have a real Al Bundy here. BTW, OP, you deserve it for not sticking to your principles. Your poor wife and kids.
Rosemarie Townsend 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow you’re weak
MissTCShore 7
You make it sound as if you somehow accidentally got married. Did you slip and fall into a wedding ring?
chowsi22 4
Somebody call the waaahhhmbulance
wrenavery90 12
Gee I'm sure your attitude isn't the problem. And buy another fishing rod.
ClintBEASTw00d 3
I hear that bro. relationships are the worst