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That actually wasn't the reason. The mother was the one that decided on the name, not my dad. She did it so that he could leave my mom and me without 'losing' anything.

By spiderhater - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

agreeclassic 106 833

vote type 1 5 328

By uetlqdja - 21/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

agreeclassic 106 758

vote type 1 7 178

By lucky - 31/03/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

agreeclassic 106 144

vote type 1 17 913

Call the cops

By sammatthews2007 - 25/02/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

agreeclassic 105 517

vote type 1 7 502

By NoBalls - 12/06/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

agreeclassic 105 382

vote type 1 22 504

By gtrs750 - 09/08/2009 13:48 - Canada

Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML

agreeclassic 105 350

vote type 1 8 812

By KillMeNow - 06/06/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

agreeclassic 105 262

vote type 1 12 174

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML

agreeclassic 54 786

vote type 1 6 054

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

agreeclassic 89 657

vote type 1 10 513

Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML

agreeclassic 50 048

vote type 1 17 212

Today, I saw an unbelievably cute guy. He caught my eye and began to walk towards me. I adjusted myself and flashed him a smile. He came up to me, smiled back, and said "Hi, do you have a minute for gay rights?" FML

agreeclassic 41 524

vote type 1 8 400

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

agreeclassic 466

vote type 1 43

Today, my family is placing bets on my being pregnant. I'm experiencing a very painful miscarriage and no one knows. I didn't want to eat a pre-made gas station salad when I visited for lunch and apparently the only explanation could be pregnancy, not that I didn't want to die from food poisoning. FML

agreeclassic 1 153

vote type 1 118