The Top

Ahahah everyone, the shirt was a joke. I wasn't really offended, we ended up becoming friends afterwards. A lot of you are right, he has a great sense of humor and he was just teasing. It didn't kill my self esteem or anything of that sort, I just thought it might give someone a laugh (: Thanks for all the comments and such~

Double down

By Dani_Rich - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cigarette butt out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 039

You deserved it 174 622

Casual

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to politely nod and say, "Ah, OK…" as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 034

You deserved it 2 115

By ms piggy - 15/12/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 034

You deserved it 43 128

By AgentKoos_99 - 11/10/2016 07:52 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after waiting 3 months to see if I got the job I had applied for, I was told that they never received my application. Turns out that the email address that they told me to send it to was not being checked anymore and that they would be happy to consider me for the following year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 033

You deserved it 1 361

By FlatTire - 13/02/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 033

You deserved it 19 512

Sweet relief

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 033

You deserved it 1 701

By Laloose - 26/12/2008 07:53 - France

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 031

You deserved it 28 340

By noluckwhatsoever - 06/01/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 031

You deserved it 30 542

By LennyLemon - 25/08/2016 13:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 028

You deserved it 1 088

Old dog, new tricks

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 028

You deserved it 47 441

Never grow old

By Crystal - 08/03/2010 21:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 024

You deserved it 52 020

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 04:41

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 023

You deserved it 27 791

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 14:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend. He said yes, but is now sulking because I took away his "manhood". Jeez, sorry I didn't want to wait another 7 years for you to finally do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 023

You deserved it 2 041

Mood: broken

By talkingtoaretard - 25/01/2012 05:00 - United States

Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 022

You deserved it 36 031

All figured out

By Toroka - 29/07/2016 18:59

Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 022

You deserved it 1 029

By Kylie - 26/01/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 022

You deserved it 28 658

By vbscb - 07/10/2009 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 021

You deserved it 39 629

Small world

By CivE - 25/01/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 019

You deserved it 38 302

By sexaddict - 07/01/2009 08:16 - France

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 019

You deserved it 81 155

By Anonymous - 29/05/2016 02:20 - United States - Exeter

Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 017

You deserved it 1 764

By TooTallNiCo - 28/11/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Claus isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 015

You deserved it 36 105

Worker rise up!

By Username - 04/08/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 010

You deserved it 25 371

By idontgetit - 12/06/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 009

You deserved it 30 630

Drunken rampage

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 003

You deserved it 71 827

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I put my notice in at work after being one of the top performers in my department. They didn’t even acknowledge my notice, they just sent me boxes to return my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 186

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 590

You deserved it 20 776

Today, I took a day off from work for a doctor's appointment. It ended up taking a lot longer than I expected, because while I was on my way, my mom called to inform me that my great aunt passed away this morning. As a result, I showed up extremely late and was berated. And the worst part? It's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 177

Today, I hit it off with this really sweet, attractive guy. He asked me a question that I felt uncomfortable answering, and I had a complete mental breakdown like a menstruating teenager when I declined to answer. This is why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 459

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 755

You deserved it 36 391

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 400

You deserved it 28 299