The Top

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Spray it

By Anonymous - 13/02/2025 19:00

Today, one of the polyps in my husband's ass apparently burst because he farted in his sleep and sprayed blood all over the sheets and my legs, I thought he was dying. The ambulance took him away, but our daughter saw all the blood in our room and now won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 102

Never get involved

By Anonymous - 21/02/2025 10:00 - Australia - Geelong

Today, because I told her ex that they were an abusive cheater after my friend cried to me about how their ex was treating them horribly for the sixth time this month, my friend blocked me. The ex told her I'd be the reason they'll stay together, and my friend begged me to talk to the ex. I refused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 101

Living the meme

By OliviaOlive - 24/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I was giving a speech at a conference when halfway through I got a sudden case of hiccups. For the next 5 minutes I tried to finish my presentation while hiccuping uncontrollably. The audience found it hilarious and started cheering each time I hiccuped. I’m convinced no one could tell me what the speech was actually about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 89

Sometimes, they just do

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 557

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 06:00 - Australia

Today, I tried to sneak home from work 15 minutes early. I kept Teams open on my phone to remain “active”, but in doing so, accidentally group-video-called my whole team while walking out at 4:45pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 679

Anger management classes going well?

By Annageewhiz34 - 23/04/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw the guy I met on Tinder and went out with, only to be told “I’m not ready for a relationship, let’s just be friends” out on a date kissing another girl. I interrupted the date to rip him a new one for lying to me, only to be escorted out by the restaurant manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 054

Make it make sense

By Anonymous - 25/05/2025 21:00 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I got divorce papers from my wife, who was a former adult entertainment performer. Perhaps foolishly, I tried to get her to accept Jesus and become a Christian, which she eventually did. Now she is divorcing me for "being married to a former porn star." FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 767

Best impression

By Shells - 27/07/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, to make a good impression, I brought in homemade blueberry muffins for my newish coworkers. Everyone loved them, up until the guy with a nut allergy had to be rushed to the hospital. Turns out my almond milk wasn’t as "nut-free" as I thought. Welcome to the team! FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 798

Thanks!

By leem - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Zoersel

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 902

You deserved it 3 280

Rememberance Day special

By Crappy circumstances - 11/11/2025 12:00

Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 90

Lucky escape

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 12:00

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 456

Don't mind me

By Moon-chan - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 454

Supportive

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 096

You deserved it 2 459

Honey pot

By DeadnGone01 - 05/01/2025 14:00 - United States - Miami

Today, this hot girl sent me a friend request. I accepted it and began to chat her up. She asked me if I was single. I told her I was, and proceeded to arrange a date for some drinks. Moments later, my wife sends me a screenshot of my conversation with the girl, with the caption, “Pack your shit and get the fuck out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 2 708

Final fantasy

By Anonymous - 14/01/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, I have caught my boyfriend masturbating by himself over a dozen times since Xmas, so god knows how many times he’s done it without me knowing. I asked him about it, and it turns out a woman he went to high school with, and had a huge crush on, recently became a porn actress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 190

Mouth malfunction

By Melanie - 08/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 527

Paper day

By bill - 20/02/2025 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, it's mine and wife's one-year anniversary. After only being married for a year, I quickly understood what her father really meant when he said, "Your problem now" and chuckled at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 153

Busted

By Carei - 26/03/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my parents told me that because they found dildos, a rose toy, and condoms in my bedroom, I’m not getting a car for graduation anymore. Also, I have 30 days from my 18th birthday to “find an apartment or something” and “get the hell out” since I’m "such a grown up now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 266

Main character syndrome

By What girl gets wet for Nickelback? - 18/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I started playing the piano at a party. I've been playing for 15 years, so naturally I'm pretty good. I got halfway through a song before getting shown up by some douche who started playing Nickelback on the guitar. Fucking Nickelback. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 304

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 10/05/2025 03:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 448

MVP

By Killmenow - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing, and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 058

You deserved it 2 853

It like to move it move it

By Almost_Homeless - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 423

You deserved it 3 472

Is he wrong though?

By Impossible - 03/08/2025 12:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, a friend who works for the power company said, "Nuclear energy is clean and safe, hydro power is great, but we also need coal and gas, and wind and solar are dogshit." Again, he works for the power company. How does a so-called expert get it all so wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 539

Lactose intolerant

By ClintBEASTw00d - 19/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 532

Coincidence

By lostmystuff - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 028

You deserved it 25 435

Safety test

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 344

You deserved it 4 450

Babe

By Anonymous - 13/11/2025 09:00

Today, after I had third date sex with a guy I really like, he ended up sleeping over. This morning we woke up, showered together, had breakfast, and he admitted to me he couldn’t remember my name because he currently has four women on the go and forgot which one I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 126

Oh, the irony

By I don't have an anger problem, the world has a moron problem - 29/12/2025 12:00

Today, I went to court-mandated anger management. The guy running the class was an insufferable little dweeb who wasted time teaching us fucking nursery rhymes. I wanted to break his stupid little nerd glasses. Everything about him makes me mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 580

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 164

You deserved it 42 391

Thrashed

By Ringo McDingo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 560

You deserved it 2 268

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The Top

Today, my husband, who I love more than anything, announced that he was gay, couldn't live a lie anymore, and moved out of the house. I'm utterly devastated, and when I tried to cry to my friends, they said I should celebrate his courage and stop being selfish, then ran off to party with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 121

Today, I was brushing my teeth in a rush before work. I squeezed the toothpaste tube too hard, and some of it it shot directly into my eye. I spent the next ten minutes half-blind, crying peppermint tears, and still somehow managed to be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 125

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 302

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 275

You deserved it 162

Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 107

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 284

You deserved it 31 652