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Never enough

By crazycatlady - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

agreeclassic 23 608

vote type 1 18 613

Shelved plans

By twobyfour - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

agreeclassic 2 221

vote type 1 283

All is quiet on New Year's Day

By EdwinOEF - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

agreeclassic 40 121

vote type 1 3 147

Gnarly

By Anonyme - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

agreeclassic 12 589

vote type 1 47 192

Ewww, gross

By Raisin Brain - 22/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I was happily messing around with my girlfriend's toddler niece. I suddenly sneezed, coughing out a tonsil stone as big as a raisin. Before I could even react, she horrifyingly said, "Oh no! Your brains came out!" My girlfriend started to laugh, saying, "That's just about right!" FML

agreeclassic 391

vote type 1 139

Served cold

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

agreeclassic 31 531

vote type 1 4 910

Not now, Dave

By shanti - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 43 508

vote type 1 4 856

Hazing ritual

By newguy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

agreeclassic 44 567

vote type 1 4 878

Lazy ass

By crizzy - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

agreeclassic 41 116

vote type 1 4 334

Good question, wrong place

By Anonymous - 09/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I took my ten year-old sister out for a walk. We passed a hen party in town, and she asked out loud in the street, "Why are men’s stag parties not called cock parties?" FML

agreeclassic 392

vote type 1 118

That's nice

By ouch - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

agreeclassic 38 751

vote type 1 3 902

Cold reading bullshit merchant

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

agreeclassic 59 289

vote type 1 3 770

Yeetus

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

agreeclassic 35 851

vote type 1 15 619

What are you doing?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

agreeclassic 25 634

vote type 1 12 961

Running

By fmrunning - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I completed my 6-month training program for a track competition this weekend. I went to the park to run anyways because I needed some air after my boyfriend broke up with me. After one lap, my neighbor's 130 lb dog ran across the soccer field and jumped on me to say hi. My leg is broken. FML

agreeclassic 93 096

vote type 1 4 615

Drying times

By helplesssssss - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a shower in a beach house we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

agreeclassic 37 407

vote type 1 15 345

Red alert

By firefighter - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

agreeclassic 11 236

vote type 1 45 727

Where's Daddy?

By Sypha - 28/11/2025 09:00

Today, I took my parents up on their invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them. My 3 year-old daughter refused to get out of the car and insisted on waiting there. When asked why, she said, "I don't like Grandma because she's mean to Daddy!" Not only did my parents hear, we haven't told her he, my husband, passed away 4 months ago. FML

agreeclassic 98

vote type 1 561

Awkward

By ChickenBallsPlease - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

agreeclassic 43 796

vote type 1 16 889

Hangover time

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML

agreeclassic 8 410

vote type 1 30 882

Idiot

By I hate teenagers! - 21/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my idiot son has been getting his ass kicked nearly every day since he spread a rumor that he’d been sleeping with the most popular girl in school. Not only is she the wrestling coach’s daughter, her brothers are all massive jocks. Even though he apologized the beatings keep coming. FML

agreeclassic 216

vote type 1 552

Smells like…

By BobsBabe2 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

agreeclassic 33 618

vote type 1 2 936

Teen spirit

By Dee - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying, "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

agreeclassic 46 433

vote type 1 22 293

Dodged my bullet

By Lo. - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

agreeclassic 66 210

vote type 1 4 787

The Vengabus is coming

By tim12345 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

agreeclassic 33 534

vote type 1 3 642

Response times

By woahheylex - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

agreeclassic 36 949

vote type 1 5 436

Gal pals

By AnnieThrax - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

agreeclassic 24 677

vote type 1 2 126

Unhappy Birthday

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Atlanta

Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML

agreeclassic 49 501

vote type 1 6 563

Scams galore

By alynn - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML

agreeclassic 62 355

vote type 1 8 093

Stinker

By taman - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

agreeclassic 46 428

vote type 1 5 479

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was woken up by my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and "Sweet 16" balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I'll be 17. FML

agreeclassic 42 207

vote type 1 4 123

Today, my coworker tried to justify the overturn of Roe vs Wade by saying she had 3 kids and was able to do it. Yes, she was also married to their father for a few years, and when they divorced, the kids lived with him while she couchsurfed. FML

agreeclassic 1 206

vote type 1 318

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

agreeclassic 61 596

vote type 1 9 260

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

agreeclassic 29 534

vote type 1 3 567

Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML

agreeclassic 657

vote type 1 188

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

agreeclassic 1 673

vote type 1 247