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lol first of all i work at a WAMU where our name tags give our full name so no lies there. secondly, this guy was twice my age. i was not being bitchy at all. he said hi and then i smiled and said hi back. it's one thing when you greet someone. it's another when you keep following them asking personal questions. i didn't give a fake name on purpose. it was just a natural reaction. lol but yea i guess it wasn't smart to walk out with my name tag still on. o and btw not to be rude but i took AP english so i'm pretty sure i know how to use “proceeded” in a sentence correctly. it's not my fault if other ppl don't or overuse it.

Wifey

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 02:55 - United States - Covington

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 955

You deserved it 2 551

By foreseeingabreakup - 06/09/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 362

You deserved it 7 042

WTF FML

By Invisible - 22/05/2009 19:27 - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote, "Cool picture" on his Facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply, "Who the fuck are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 925

You deserved it 12 238

By Unlucky - 25/07/2012 13:03 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 887

You deserved it 3 621

Dr Pimple Popper

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 22:00

Today, a doctor squeezed so much cheese out of a huge lump on my nutsack, for a second I was convinced he’d poked a hole in my bollock and was squeezing out my baby-making juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 436

By bonmoment - 11/08/2015 14:54 - Serbia - Belgrade

Today, since my neighbor bought two cows and put them in his garden, the smell discourages any potential buyers who come to visit my house that’s been for sale for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 56

By grammarnazi-forareason - 03/07/2013 06:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 660

You deserved it 3 758

By May - 04/09/2011 04:08 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 832

You deserved it 6 268

Alas, poor little dude

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, my six year-old daughter discovered the family's pet rabbit in the basement freezer. The rabbit had died almost a year ago, and we'd stored it in the freezer, intending to bury it later. Here's to the trauma of losing the family pet. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 769

You deserved it 44 737

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 267

You deserved it 4 267

Backhanded

By johnny - 05/06/2023 22:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of a certain plus-sized vocalist, to which she replied, "She's gorgeous!" I said, "That's great because you remind me a lot of her." Now she's not talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 919

By Closingwild - 21/07/2012 06:18 - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 515

You deserved it 2 688

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 601

You deserved it 4 602

Consideration

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 02:00

Today, my ex referred to missing my last two weekends with my daughter as an example of my typical unreliable parenting. I was in hospital after a drug addict stabbed me in the intestines with a broken glass bong, used to smoke god only knows what, but sure, it’s typical me behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 182

Genius master race

By Anonymous - 06/06/2023 15:00

Today, my son was arrested for tagging a wall with the well known symbol of a certain evil Nazi leader. Not only that, the police showed me a picture of the graffiti and turns out he’s so dumb he couldn’t even draw the symbol properly and gave up after 4 failed attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 255

By Anonyme - 30/07/2016 07:24 - Spain - Orense

Today, I’m an au pair. The little boy that I take care of announced during a family dinner that I was “dad’s new sweetheart”. His mother didn’t seem to appreciate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 75

Oddly specific

By Angry and Confused - 29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 193

You deserved it 2 965

By EwwGross - 31/08/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 555

You deserved it 1 959

Creeped out

By emoney - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 657

You deserved it 3 778

I'm an Empath

By Anonymous - 09/06/2023 03:00

Today, I’m stuck in a situation. It’s my mom's wedding, but her fiancé had a heart attack and died this morning. Now I’m surrounded by crying people, having to pretend to be upset so no one gets mad at me. I couldn’t care less to be honest, the man was an arsehole who treated mom and me like shit in private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 145

FML on Facebook

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Today, my fiancé told me that he doesn't think cheating is a big deal because everybody does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 015

You deserved it 3 933

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 719

You deserved it 28 623

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 180

You deserved it 7 322

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 830

You deserved it 3 233

Today, while 9 months pregnant, I was sleeping soundly for once, cuddling with my cat, having a nice dream… until I woke up choking on acid reflux, peed the bed, peed on the carpet and all over myself trying to get to the bathroom. This is not the first time this has happened. At least I didn't puke this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 222

Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 2 163