The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Mandy - 17/09/2011 00:25 - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying, "That's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 2 445

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 4 684

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 404

You deserved it 4 282

Let it out

By MrTandy - 16/09/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 701

You deserved it 3 715

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 210

You deserved it 3 374

Doggy dog world

By this means war! - 19/02/2022 14:00

Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 231

By dumbteacher - 22/11/2010 14:47

Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 696

You deserved it 7 562

By GodDamnFan - 27/05/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 234

You deserved it 5 807

Reverse Uno

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01

Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 162

Hot tub

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 08:21 - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 106

You deserved it 2 695

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 267

You deserved it 3 187

Chapped out

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 09:28 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 114

You deserved it 2 526

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 583

You deserved it 20 216

All over cheese?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 01:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 23:31 - United States - Annandale

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 651

You deserved it 17 806

How I feel at the kid's table

By Lewis - 19/01/2019 19:00 - France - Paris

But mooooom! I'm a grown man!

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 61

Second opinion

By AngryAspy - 21/05/2023 04:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I asked if my psychiatrist would test me for autism, as I believe I may have it. His response? "You probably don't. Stay off social media once in a while." Well fuck me for wanting a professional opinion I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 732

Good question

By Anonymous - 17/10/2024 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, my six year-old son asked me, "Dad, what's a glory hole?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 15:47 - United States - Arlington

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words, "Lisa, will you…" then abruptly shat my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 244

You deserved it 6 335

The good old days

By help - 09/07/2013 20:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." He then walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 701

You deserved it 3 802

Bully

By ninjawhat1337 - 25/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friend's house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 711

You deserved it 57 271

By guy - 30/07/2012 03:24 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 182

You deserved it 5 818

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 641

You deserved it 3 250

Worst parent of the day

By Not grandma to be - 01/06/2023 18:00

Today, I had to throw my 16 year-old out of the house. Apparently, secretly have sex and aborting my grandchild was something she thought was acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 3 353

Out of shape

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 991

You deserved it 15 299

Grades go both ways

By tomandjerry - 21/05/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was scolding my 8 year-old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight "A"s like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair. When I asked why, he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 918

You deserved it 66 592

By Cantswim - 20/05/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 596

You deserved it 9 979

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 886

You deserved it 70 647

By immature - 18/09/2014 19:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 944

You deserved it 6 393

By anti88 - 01/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 075

You deserved it 4 538

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got asked out for the second time in my life. Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy. I had to end the date when he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 993

You deserved it 2 804

Today, I discovered that the medicated eye drops I have been taking to fight a mild eye infection show up under black lights when I walked into a party and the whole left side of my face was glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 157

You deserved it 3 797

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 265

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 403

You deserved it 34 164

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 420

You deserved it 1 297

Today, I realised the biggest FML this year was getting into online debates with people about Covid not being a hoax. One guy even said it was over, while I knew the numbers were climbing back up as I work in health-care, and I was sat on a toilet with diarrhea because I have Covid myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 258